I'm Afraid of Falling in Love
Decisions
It turns out you're not just a layover, but a mess with my life. It was my fault for accepting you with open arms.
- Blue-Eye
Until I came home I did not reply again to the message, after the last message that made my heart pound, but confused.
Drive :
If you miss how?
A message that could somehow make me not pay attention to the lecturer who was explaining. Not the taste of the usually delicious gravy. What is going on with me?
“Ah.” I patted my cheek, “conscious Gem, you can't think of love for now. You have to focus on the future first. Yes, future focus.”
The people at the station looked at me strangely. Maybe even thought I was crazy for talking alone. I grinned and apologized for making them think the no-no of my attitude.
Huft, calm The jewel must be nothing, my words inwardly command my brain to think clearly.
Ting
Number :
Sorry the new jewel is back now. What wind is greeting?
The smile at the end of the message made me smile. Good thing your message came quickly Numbers, otherwise I could go crazy thinking about Pandu's message. I'm also a woman who is easy to baper when in so. Already, forget.
Me :
Life time alone cannot be. Cie is busy what would be a psychologist.
I chuckle, it's great to be able to be a Jewel that is jaily, likes to tease people and most importantly does not wear a fake mask to look as good as when in front of Mama.
Number :
Not just a little wonder.
There is nothing special, just the usual stuff.
I hope Aamiin can be a real psychologist.
Me :
May stories?
Number :
What was?
It is possible if you want to share a story, as long as you do not share feelings
I almost laugh when I don't remember where I am now. I could be considered really crazy after talking to myself in public. The human imagination now sometimes terrifies me.
Me :
The combalan errr
Seriously, want a story
Number :
Just tell me
I let out a breath, hopefully by telling a story I can get a solution.
Me :
How does it feel to be in a bridle?
Number :
We are prisoners in the prison in every restraint
Kan, I said what too. I look like a prisoner. Looks like yes, the prisoner at home by Mama as the police.
Me :
I forgot to explain what yes.
Number :
How could that be?
I took a deep breath. The air supply around the station seems to be dwindling. What is this night wind effect possible. Just about to type the sound of my destination train call coming. I had to delay to reply to the numbers. It will be good on the train.
Me :
So, here's my mom telling me to take the cpns test, I doubt the numbers. One side of being a pns is not my dream now, it used to be possible now it is not. On the other hand, I don't want to argue with my parents, nor as a child is the only thing I can do. After all, later also a tone of selection will not know to pass the test as well.
Number :
Possibly escaped?
I shrugged my shoulders which definitely won't be seen by the numbers. Stupid, rutukku.
Me :
0.01 % possible
My answer is not sure about the percentages, I myself have no interest at all. For what reason would I do it?
Number :
Why that?
Maybe he was surprised the next time, I'm not sure I escaped. I don't know if my heart is so unsure if taking this test can pass. His intentions alone did not exist let alone the hope of escaping.
Me :
Because something without intention doesn't always work
Number :
Wow, good analysis
I didn't expect him to respond that way. Is that a good analysis? I don't think so. Only a fool analyzes the odds of not escaping and it looks like I'm mausk in that category of fools.
Me :
Only possibility
In essence you think it's better if I come or not?
Number :
If you do not want it better not, but while you can find out why not anyway as you say the result is also likely not. Make this an experience.
I can only give a little advice if later you do not want to say just do not obey the command words of others who are not necessarily you like. This is not only about obeying orders, but also for your future. Think about it carefully.
Jleb
What Numbers said was very much in line with how I felt. All this time I've always experienced regret not the end. From now on I want to follow my heart, if I want to and that's good for the future I will do. If not better resist now, right?
Me :
Thanks for the numbers.
Number :
Sori, I've been wanting to rest
I'm off the facebook page. A little relieved it feels after confiding the same figure. Maybe God deliberately sent a number for me, solving the problem I was going through. I can sleep peacefully tonight.
***
Today is the last day of the course, college has also begun to take off because of its schedule until Thursday. Yey returned home from the course to be free to do so, my cheers. Saturdays and Sundays are also free, there are no courses and lectures, free for me to use writing. There are a lot of articles I have to do.
This time I did not have bad luck, so took time to eat breakfast at home. Not bad in addition to saving the cost of snacks, also so that you can concentrate more when learning to sew. Anyway I have to be excited, this is my last day at sip b. Next week I go back to a sip, will not meet Pandu. How do you remember him anyway? What the hell am I.
“Ta, already seen yet cpns registration it. Yesterday Mama saw on tv already open. Really no?” Hadeuh, early in the morning sudha was asked questions that made the mood down, patient, patient.
“Not yet to see ma, there is no senggan time. Maybe later see if there is a time.” I said, it is better to quickly go to the course so as not to ask questions again.
“Don't forget to see ya ta.” Shouted Mom from the kitchen. Look at it later if there is an intention, I will try if you do not want to feel yourself again.
“Ma, Gem departs first, Assalamualaikum.” Quickly I say goodbye.
“Waalaikum greetings.”
Along the way to the course, I thought about what Mama said this morning, the number saying on the cha facebook yesterday. Until when do I have to keep this up?
Follow the wishes of others I never liked. Although Mama is not someone else, but do I have to continue to obey her as old as later. If you can, want to say all the turmoil that happened so far.
If possible, from the beginning I refused to study in Accounting. Not because it's not dear, but I don't want to regret it one day. Although there may be no regrets about college, it's just that I feel sorry not to learn according to the wishes of the heart.
Especially this Mama maksa really me to follow the cpns, must really? I also have my own choice. I don't like to be regulated and bound by rules. So the PNS even though I got severance is still an employee and that means I remain subordinate to people whose positions are higher than mine.
It's sad to know that. Everything is gray, like eating simalakama fruit, if I obey orders I only fear like now. Regretting that I went to college in a department that I have no interest in.
Not followed, as parents, fear of regret too. Thinking about it makes me dizzy.
“Memata tumben come morning.” Say hello to Titan Tea, I sit next to him.
Picking up the bag and opening the phone, Ms. Nining has not arrived yet, automatically where the course has not been opened.
“Hehe again spirit aja, not good dong if late.” Although it is not late because it is always fitting to come where the course has been opened.
There was no answer from Titan Tea, making me surf in cyberspace. This time I looked at iinstagram, whether there is a new writing competition or not.
Every day the turn of time is very fast. Notifications, news, gossip artists, so quickly in accordance with various articles and news from various media.
Begipula with events such as competitions, events, or seminars that always have posts every day on special account race info. Something made me interesting this time.
The race tells the experience of taking the cpns test.
The time can fit once anyway, once diving two three islands exceeded. When I was confused about the participation of the cpns test without that interest and intention. Now, there's a blog contest about the experience of entering the cpns test.
Why don't I follow the advice of numbers alone, as material experience. It's also good at last, can know how the cpns test. I have an intention to take the test now, even if it's not to pass. At least to run that race.
I'll screen this post first. After all, there has been no announcement about the test that has been opened or not. I'd be excited to live it like this. My smile was expanding unconsciously.
“Memorata c'mon mom has arrived.” Take Titan Tea.
I realized, “just tea.” I'm still reading about the terms and conditions for the race. Holding my phone, I entered the course.
Just like yesterday, I sat in the usual machine of the Sabila Tea Place. Not much has come, fortunately, so I can sit there first. One thing I must be grateful for again is tidka pelru waiting for the cloth that Bu Nining has not cut. Yesterday's cloth I haven't sewed all hehe.
With the spirit of four five I started the engine. This time I will not waste another chance, having to learn the best I can. Before I start, I pray first that the course is smooth.
“Memorata why is it silent?” ask A Deni who is now sitting in front of me, where the obras machine is located.
I grinned and scratched my head, “hehe I still can't produce good stitches. From yesterday wrong continue.” My complaint to a Deni.
A Deni approached me, “sini try to see.” I showed you the results of my hard work yesterday and some sheets of cloth that have not been sewn.
“Ohh, the machine is on.” I'm nodding.
A Deni began to compile the pile of cloth, “try sewing this first.” I obey what a Deni said, because indeed I want to be able and do not want to be wrong again.
With deft A Deni composing the fabrics, “ini try sewing again, try to align with the teplak line ya.” I very carefully sewed it, not wanting to refute a Deni's orders.
“This is it?” I asked not because I didn't know the rules, but rather to want to know if it was true or not.
A Deni flipping through the fabric I have sewed, “bener really like this, now sewing the top try. Must line up again ya” A Deni pasted a new cloth and again told me to sew it. I'm according again.
“Nih.” I thrust it again at a Deni. A Deni took out his jatrek scissors, he himself had broken into it. He kept the stitching acyl on the table, after the cloth behind it.
“Now, try sewing both sides of this while tidying up and see if it aligns right-left or not.” Following his advice it turned out that my bobbin pocket this time was balanced.
A Deni put it back on the table, in front of me. “See, if you want to neatly pull a little upper while being sewing.” I tried it, which turned out to be true after seeing the results, better than yesterday.
“Stay sewing the outside now, so it can be made into a pocket.” With a big smile I sewed it.
“There are many yes a Deni.” I smiled broadly, looking fully at the results of my stitches this time.
“Sama-sama, there deposit first so that it can be further or tidka.” I nodded, turned off the engine and immediately left a Deni.
Upon returning to the machine table, I encouraged myself first. My spirit added after hearing Bu Nining tell me to continue. Well, relieved skeali it does not feel in vain I listened to a Deni advice earlier.
***
“It's done?” I turned to Pandu, because the mood was good now I answered Pandu's question with a nod.
“Borrow the machine yes.” I nodded again, eagerly clearing the bobbed pocket that had been made. Want to deposit it immediately to Bu Nining.
No, Miss Nining is not there. So serious about sewing, that I didn't realize that Bu Nining was leaving. Present the Gem when it is spirit to deposit, not even be a deposit.
“Bu Nining to factory first, want to take fabric.” Obviously Pandu who seems to see me who keeps looking forward.
“Mm yes it's okay kok.” Patience, all that there is a process, do not be happy first.
“A Guide to nitip?” yelled Titan Tea which was already half way out the Door.
“As usual yes.” Reply Pandu half yelled as well. What is this they are in the forest. Never mind.
Mumpung being no mother I ventured to open the phone. Read the terms that were delayed. Also I'm looking for an announcement on whether it's open for the cpns test. And yes, registration is not yet open.
I'm not sad, that's how I got ready to prepare the files for the entrance test, right. I focused on the phone, not realizing that Pandu was looking at me with a questioning look.
“What?”
“Why not reply to my message again?”
My memory suddenly to yesterday's incident, I'm not focused on college. What's wrong with me, suddenly I get nervous.
“Hunter slept yesterday.” I tried not to look back at Pandu who was looking at me.
“But online.” My answer still didn't make him believe it.
“Again 8 hours asleep.” Don't know him if at that time I was still wandering in a foreign place, the station can be said to be a foreign place too right?
“Salah that 8 o'clock has not slept either. Was chatting with a friend yesterday, didn't know you chat.” My answer this time hopefully makes him believe and not ask questions again.
“Lah I'm both chat also how the hell.” His face looks upset.
I keep my phone at the table, no longer interested in reading anything. “Kan his chat on Facebook is not whatsapp.” Instantly he became silent. He also resumed his work.
As for what purpose Pandu asked about it continues, from yesterday angry only because I did not return the message. Whether I want to return the message or not. He's not my girlfriend, is he?
