I'm Afraid of Falling in Love
Don't Know So Don't Dear
Maybe I'm the one who won't mix with them. Not those who don't understand my feelings.
- Blue-Eye
It doesn't feel like it's coming in Thursday anymore. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday seem to be going very fast. Busy lectures and courses, make me not aware if the day has changed. I didn't realize it was my last day of college.
I don't think there was any meaningful change during those three days, other than the intense communication between me and Pandu. I so often reply to messages with Pandu somehow and do not know why. I even gave off the feeling of doubt that had once been present in my mind.
I will also confide in Mami about this, later. Tomorrow also enter the course again, I pray that I may remember to confide in Mami tomorrow. In order not to forget if I should set the alarm only times yes. I set the alarm for tomorrow morning with a note confiding in Mami. Don't forget.
Guides: Today is college?
Me : Yes
Pandu : Already gone?
Me: It's again on the train.
Guide : What time is it?
Me: I don't know, at least nine or ten, depending on the lecturer anyway.
Pandu : Evening too yes, want to be picked up.
Me : Don't have ah, ngerepotin. To pick up dad.
Pandu : If you don't pick me up say yes.
Me : See later.
I decided to turn off the phone data and chose to listen to music from the download. I became addicted to listening to songs from near, after the song because su dear viral and Pandu often play the song at the course, I became fond of the song created by the ntt people. His distinctive voice and meaningful lyrics are very good to hear in the ear, especially when quiet and alone as it is today.
Ordinary love one sa pinta
Jang too curbed
Because if sa su says
Sa trakan moved because of su dear
The first stanza reminded me of Pandu. I replaced that song with another. I actually really like this song, telling people who are in love. But I'm afraid, if in the lyrics this happens to me.
I, who once fell in love, never told a lie and betrayed him. If he was, I don't know if anyone did anything beyond my reasoning. I'm afraid actually, not because I'm afraid of falling in love, but because I'm afraid of being broken a second time.
The storm master has passed
It's my fault for suing the friendly
Every typhoon strikes you beside me
I am safe with you
The first stanza that truly touches the soul, well-ordered words unite with sound and music like a beautiful melody. A woman's screams about someone who is always next to her. If only someone I loved was like in this song, always protecting me I would not hesitate to fall in love.
Storm puan has passed
It's my fault for suing the friendly
Every morning before you next to me
You're safe with me
Then, when are we going to feel that when falling in love is this scared. Do I really have to start opening my heart?
Forever until we get old
Until it became dust
I'm in the one burrow
I'm next to you
Only death can separate true love. I haven't found true love yet, my journey is long. I don't know if Pandu is really my true love or not. I still doubt him, everything looks grey, like a blurry piece of newspaper.
***
“Dwi? Tumben is here?” I asked when I entered the class and already found Dwi sitting in a chair.
“Hai ta, my house people deket kok fromini.”
I didn't know that Dwi's house was close to campus, “What's the first time?” ask me again when he's engrossed with a cell phone in his hand.
“This again watch korea, mumpung no wifi.”
“Hah? Any wifi? What password?” I just found out if on the 2nd floor there is also wifi, as a cool student, I certainly will not miss this dong.
I asked Dwi to mention the password. After connecting I immediately followed watching with Dwi, quite so efficient quota. “Still Yes Dwi.”
“Sama-sama ta.”
“BTW why move to afternoon?” I asked who was now watching a movie.
Dwi removed one of the headseats attached to his ear. “To be willing while working, *** can not be also sih.” I nodded in listening while occasionally focusing on watching.
“Watch what the hell ta?” Dwi's body leaned to see what I was watching.
“Kirain doesn't like korean dramas.”Dwi Cibir.
I chuckle, “suka is the same as the storyline. The flow is cool-cool.”
“Eh but this is not a Korean drama, but a web series Indonesia.”
“Times anyway?” tanya Dwi looked unsure.
I showed the web series to Dwi. Web series is worked on by one of the famous vlogger make up in Indonesia and one of the products that is an Indonesian manufacturer as well. Cool the drama, drama office that, so want to work in an office like the one in this web series.
“See group deh.”
“Why?”
“The first lecture eyes are not in he said.”
Hearing that, I immediately opened whatsapp. See the group directly. If you know the lecturer will not enter, I will come to the campus late. I kept the phone on the table in a fit of annoyance.
“Why not say from the beginning anyway?” I don't know who I am.
Dwi beside me also looked grumbling. “Find a meal first yuk laper.” Bring Dwi.
I need some cold water now. Invite Dwi is the best option at the moment. “Where do you eat?”
“Ke aja pengen seblak.”
“Cock lah.” Dwi got up first, I followed her.
Sebenanrya in front of the campus was a lot of food vendors such as seblak, fried rice, grilled chicken, juice, cilok and others. It's just that I'm lazy if I have to snack alone, I memlih fried snacks in the canteen alone rather than in the sebrang.
At half-five until that night, the hours of crowded vehicles passed. I can't cross the street alone. So yes prefer to eat anything on campus.
“What do you eat?” asked Dwi when we crossed the street.
“Same to.”
We walked to the seller seblak, while waiting for the order that needs to be cooked, I bought a drink first. My choice fell on the white milk dancow, Dwi order capucino cingcaw.
My campus area is indeed many other campuses around it. In front of the campus alone there is a fairly large private campus and famous sudha.
Behind the campus there is also UNPAS campus, before going to campus I also passed several campuses. So you can be sure if the environment on my campus is indeed full of boarding houses and cafes where to hang out.
Eating anything is not difficult either. In the second semester yesterday, we opened together on campus with a lecturer. The food does not need to bother bringing it from home because of the message through brother gojek. Indeed, if the sophisticated era is different, all is easy and practical.
I'm back with two plastic cups of drinks, “nih Dwi.” I gave Dwi's drink to her.
“Still yes ta, later yes money.” I'm nodding.
Luckily I was until my seblak order came, no need to wait for it to happen. I stirred it first, all cooling it down. Just one mouthful, the heat instantly crept on my tongue.
“Heat yes ta?” Dwi gave me a tissue.
“Huum.”
***
The first lesson hours will soon be over. After eating, Dwi and I went back to the class, which fortunately already came—, not just the two of us. Rahma's tea has also come and is seen back busy at the back with Syarah Tea.
“Dose today is not logged yey.” Said Rahma Tea who started to stand up from her seat to give the announcement.
“Ahhhh, assyikk.” Said A Agung who was back to playing the game.
“Horee.”
Shouting for the sake of shouting following makes the classroom that was once crowded increasingly noisy because of the commotion. Some joget-joget, some make insta story pretend to be upset because it has come to campus, it turns out the lecturer does not enter—-both again.
“What if we nongki and eat-eat yuk in angkringan.” The Syarah Tea.
Rahma Tea also spoke up, “pure milk kuy.”
The sound of yelling agreed and the recommendation of the venue started cheering behind me. I covered my ears with a headseat. Their voices were like toa, heed. I don't want to interfere, after all I don't often participate in their hanging out activities. Besides rarely invited I was afraid to go home to Malaman.
“Kuy nongki mumpung lecturer does not enter, tomorrow this holiday also.” Teh Iis proposed that in his gang.
“You're leaving now?”
“Sholat magrib first lah.” Dzikri.
We simultaneously went down. I also took care of my things and went downstairs. Rahma's tea came to me who was about to leave the classroom.
“Ta want to come with me?” he said, who now walks beside me.
I stare at Rahma Tea in confusion, come along? Whither? “Where to tea?”
“Eating-eating in angkringan.”
I was thinking whether to come or not. “A-“
“You yes, later teteh anterin deh to his station.” The Rahma Tea.
Actually it is not a problem in between or not to the station anyway, but afraid to go home late and can not train if I come along while eating later. If I miss the train I want to go home what, walk it, it is impossible.
“Not so-“
“Udah follow yes.” Cut the Rahma Tea that made me nod.
Let me come with them this time, but there is no lecturer. It may be true Te Rahma's word won't be too long. After all this is not eating at a cafe or restaurant, just a regular accreditation that I myself do not know what the place is like.
After the magrib prayer, we gathered in the front parking lot. I went with them where they were going, besides not knowing a good hangout, I also had no vehicle for the impression so go with anyone.
“De, who are you leaving with?” ask Teh Tri who brought me a new child from the acceleration class who is now in the same class and one class with me.
I shrug, “don't know tea.”
“Teh Rahma this Gem is the same as who?” teh Tri asked Teh Rahma who was arguing with A Aris.
“Tethe blank?” instead of answering Rahma Tea instead asked back to Tri Tea.
“Tea just ask another first.” Said Rahma Tea who is now approaching my friends who are issuing motorcycles.
Teh Tri looking for the motor, “if there is no you just the same ya.” I nodded because I did not know who to go with.
“However wait for brother first.” From the news that I heard that Teh Tri is close to A Asep, I actually support their relationship, they are my friends. It's just that I don't want to if the two of them hurt each other.
I didn't tell Mama if I was going to hang out first because there was one class that didn't have a lecturer, good so I didn't have to lie for permission to play. I stared at Teh Tri who was busy with her phone, my friends also seemed to be waiting for Asep who had some whereabouts.
“Teh Tri, Same Gem Tea Tri yes.” Shouted Rahma Tea from the top of the motor. The Tri nodded while still busy with his phone.
“This brother where yes, others are already on the road, he even said.” Gerrutu Tea Tri.
“After leaving?” A Asep's voice coming from inside the campus made us shocked, since we had been looking at the road he came from the opposite direction suddenly.
“Already, brother is anywhere.”
“Tadi abis salat sama Dzikri.”
“Please help exit the motor.” Tri tea gives motor keys to A Asep.
“So hanging out?”
“So this bang is leaving.” Said Tri Tea who invited me to ride on his motorbike.
“You are the same Tri Tea yes.” I nodded.
“Yaudah be careful on the road neng, later brother nyulai.”
Teh Tri began to advance the motorbike, following the friends who had left first, I saw the Princess motorbike in front of me.
“Teh is far away?”
“Not really, this is to angkringan right?”
“Iya tea.” Although actually I do not know where the place in ‘angkringan’ means.
“De, where did this turn?”
I looked to my left, watching carefully, who knew their motor was around. Stupidly I forgot to watch the road, so I didn't know where they were going. Fortunately, it seems like Tri Tea knows where it is.
From a distance I saw their motorbike, fortunately not stray. They gathered in several tables that had been carpeted. I just found out that angkringan is like this. Enjoy dinner with night angina and crowded vehicles in the middle of the city. The cold atmosphere was warm as I got close to them.
Maybe I didn't get along with them, so I never did and always felt off. If you gather in one frame like this, it's the same as me with my high school friends.
“What message do you want to order?” ask Teh Rahma who asked for a paper to write down the order.
I looked through the menu, but I had eaten some food. It's okay all dinner, later at home do not need to eat anymore.
“Syarif pure milk strawberry.”
“Ta what do you want?”
“Em..” I flipped through the menu book, “aku pure milk tasteless, do not use sugar again. Warm.”
Rahma Tea nodded and wrote down my order. I see them as very familiar if it's like this.
Sally:
Ta, I can not pick you up, you will ride ajek aja yes.
