Angel In Poetry

Restui I'm Mom

Tonight I brought in the option of being locked in a walled door

Convincing yourself is all kindness

It has locked up wise choices

I chose to leave, without following your steps

Until the hopes are worn out

***** in milled waiting time

While I want to be close

It's not your poetry that drives me crazy

I am also a poor poet who lost his pen, that smile does not fall on the grasp of time in the rhyme of longing

On a land that was destined

I don't want tears that you don't have, I'm where you put them?

on your side? or am I really your enemy?

I'm just a human being

Who is trained on the one called life

Take refuge under my prayers

The experiment that seems not finished yet

I am the miss

The ones who are fretful and bitter

Who longs non-stop

I'm here chanting fretful longing

I'm here to adore your shadow

Every second of my pulse and my lips just call your name

I am the longing rumpuk

Only your shadow can solve

Afkar rested his body on the edge of the bed. Repeating farewells to my love.

It's 10pm Alya, we go home I said. You just shook your head, you said later.

But you have to go home, not good wind tonight for you, you just said after this you will love the night wind and will always whisper my name to get to me. You're still holding me, no more crying.

It's been half 11 nights whispered I in your ear, you're still shaking, let it be like this, you don't want to part. I'm kidding, I'm sore like this, you're just saying, which hurts more like this or parting so fast. I whispered again, it's eleven o'clock, it's not good that we're still out of the two like this. You lift your head and release your embrace. You said if this was our last meeting, you wanted to once again be in the shade of my eyes, were my eyes as comfortable as you think? but I just let your eyes free to see me from any direction you want, all this time too right?

Suddenly your face approached, I could feel and hear the roar of your breath hunting, what are you chasing? your soft thin lips are always a lot of words to tell stories, to nag, to curse, but also you use it to a lot of sweet things, singing longing songs, love, reciting poetry, reading poetry, and now those lips have touched my lips, so soft, but so cold, what are you doing? I try to be aware, you make us feel like we're not breathing, but why don't we stop it, I reply to it gently too, what love I have, this is not a passion, this is not a passion, we never do this even in a very supportive moment, because we are a pair of lovers who purify his love.

You take off slowly and look at me, you breathe long, you say by holding both my cheeks, you say I am your first love, and this is your first kiss, all the first you have given me, if after this you are for someone else, you have given it because I have got the first thing from you. I cannot say anything, I hold you and say that you are the best thing that has ever been in my life, a beauty that has never been before or since.

I'm driving you home, on your doorstep, we shake hands and look at each other, I want to repeat our first introduction, I don't think you even memorized all the words we've ever said. I stretched out my hand and said

" Know me Afkar"

You shook my hand with your first style which I saw was so silly and funny, you answered with a lot

" I'm Alya, Yanti's roommate, I'm a 1st semester student, was actually ogah in ajakin here because just got home from college, still cape, still cape, but ne anak maksa continue to be rich toddler wants snack candy but not given by his mother, so I would be dizzy, if not in yesin, there are times ntar malem qa can sleep with her nagelannya, I'm asking for a fee, but if I can,,,"

You were cut off, I forgot to ask what you wanted then, I never asked again until now.

I smiled, you smiled too

Yesterday I asked what I wanted

You blush, flowers you answer. I look sad at your face, why just ask for flowers, I have given all of mine now, if you still want flowers, later I send my bargain, no, everything I give has made you happy.

After dawn prayers Afkar grabbed his phone and pressed the green button

" The Assalamualaikum ka"

" Waalaikum greetings my bidadari"

" Have you prayed?"

" Already, I'm leaving, can I have a video call?"

" Can"

Clique

" Good morning my son"

" Morning ka"

" Thank you for taking my video call, this might be the last one"

" Kaka can still video call whenever I want"

" No, I'll appreciate your relationship"

Alya smiled bitterly

" Hopefully the script is smooth, able to graduate satisfactorily and get a good and honorable job, successful and happy in the afterlife"

" Aamiin, kaka yes too"

Afkar nodded.

" May I call you dear again?"

" Tell me as much as I want".

The tears have flowed again, aaakkh, I want to wipe them off, Alya, do not weaken again, I just want to leave.

" I'm saying, baby, if we meet again, I hope we've become someone much better, much more honorable, much happier"

Alya did not say anything more, her hands were busy wiping away tears

" Once, we'll be fine and will be happy, not wanting to say anything to me?"

Alya stared at the screen and sobbed

" Be careful ka, thank you for being ready to be Alya's first love and the happiness I've given you all along"

" I'm sorry that I can no longer keep the promise to make you happy and look after you for the rest of my life"

" I'm sorry Alya made Afkar's life so complicated"

" Thank you for this expensive life lesson, I'll learn even more"

" Yes ka"

" Ashloraikum"

" Emuah"

" Alya will always love Afkar as far as we go until the end of Alya's life".

" I'm so my true love" too"

Afkar nodded. Alya waved her trembling hand.

Clik.

A month later

Afkar went to Jakarta to meet his mother, brother and sister, had not been to Jakarta for 6 months and met them. The two sat in guest chairs at the home of Afkar kaka who works as a nurse. Mother looked at her son with a sad feeling, why does your face look miserable son.

" Mom, I'd like permission".

" Where to go"

The middle-aged woman was small in stature but had great patience and strength and looked affectionately at her son. Afkar looked at his mother's tender face, this woman was so strong, never weak, I never even heard her complain, when father was still there, and after being left she was still very strong.

" I don't know ma'am, I just want to rest"

Mother looked at Afkar and asked him to come closer, Afkar could not bear to see the soft face of the mother who was able to read Afkar was in tremendous sadness

" What's up, son?".

Afkar hugged his mother tightly

" I'm sorry ma'am".

Mother simply stroked Afkar's hair with her affection, a holy, sincere affection, never asking for anything in return. The ones that exist when the children are fragile, the ones that stand in front when the children are afraid and always strengthen.

" I heard from Andi, but I want to hear from you"

Afkar let go of his embrace and looked at mom

" Mom, I've tried to give the mother a good daughter-in-law, who is beautiful, who is learned, and who can make anyone happy who is together, we love each other, but the circumstances that make this end"

" Our situation?".

Mom clasped Afkar's hand and gave him some encouragement

" We don't have to pretend to look any more than we really are"

" My girlfriend never took issue with it ma'am, even until the last time we parted she didn't ask that at all, this relationship ended because of someone who was much more established materially, he said, so his parents asked to end our relationship"

" As a normal parent wants his child to have a life that he feels will be better, you don't get revenge, son?"

" No ma'am, I'm just sad to have to part with my loved ones in this way".

" May you get better, son, mother's prayer is always for you"

" Thank you ma'am".

" What did you want permission for?"

" I want to go ma'am, maybe with this I will be able to get out of my grief"

" Why should I go? just fix your heart".

" I can't afford to stay in Surabaya ma'am, we often communicate at my workplace, I sit in a work chair, or I am on a project site, he said, or I was eating in the cafeteria or in a food stall or a place to eat, in the bedroom before bed and every morning we reminded each other for dawn prayers, we always made phone calls or video calls, and this one month when my eyes or my body were in the places we used to communicate that I felt so devastated, his face, his smile, his laughter, his laughter, it almost made me crazy mom"

" It will go away on its own later"

" But that's why I can't survive anymore"

" Dear, everyone has experienced a fall, sadness, loss, and all will be passable right?"

" I know ma'am, but for those who cannot escape, I still have a way out of this sadness, I want to forget this immediately, he said, I could not bear this tremendous sadness, had we parted ways because of mutual hatred I would have been able to easily forget this, but I saw her crying eyes, she said, her lips that spoke her still loved me, and her tight hands hugged me for not wanting to part, which made me even more sick and miserable. I can only call his name the antidote to his wounds and sufferings, I feel like I'm losing my soul, I'm free in this world, but my heart and my mind go back to him and back to him again"

" How beautiful is she Afkar?".

" He is like one of the brightest stars in the sky, I look at him with hope, never to be finished this lip praises him, her fragrance was like jasmine when she smiled that could compete with her beauty was only full moon, as she blinked, only venus would be willing to match her flickering, she said, if he laughs only dusk and sunrise deserve to match him"

Mother looked sadly at Afkar

" Don't be so son, all women are beautiful"

" The prettiest woman I've ever met is my mother, and second is my lover, Alya"

" He belongs to someone else, let it go"

" I've learned to let her go, and I pray for her to be as happy as my mom and dad taught me"

" Yes"

" I just want to be free from this sadness and suffering ma'am"

" Where are you going?"

" I don't know yet ma'am, I'll only dare to do it after my mother approves me"

Mom stroked Afkar's cheek

" As long as your goals are good, I always bless you, son, achieve your happiness, I always pray for the best"

Afkar kisses the old hands of an aging mother with great affection

" Thank you, Mom, pray for me".

You were once a healer of the wounds I once had, you call them weak, but now you have become my disease, even too severe.

I slowly created the crown in the hope that we would be together forever, but now you are wearing it to be with others.

You are my treasure, but are taken and taken captive by another hand.

You imagine that you see me, you,

but in reality I don't exist anymore.

I am gone and only the beloved is left.

I call us the future, because these feelings and relationships are grounded.

But now it's the past, even though you and I are still there, but it's over the plan to be us.

Every morning I want to open the day by greeting you, how are you? staring at the morning gigil with the dew falling on the tip of the leaf. We are friendly and sit for a while to meet behind the scenes. Enjoying the sunrise while scented with weeds, and smelling your skin with fragrance.

I am a poem that you often write on paper, I miss the past, but still you close.

Pray that good things will happen to you today. But can't anymore, your tears will spill again if I do and make me sick and sick again.

After taking care of resign and asking for a 6-month leave of absence on campus Afkar had resolved to leave, he never again contacted Alya because he did not want to hurt Alya more if he heard her voice especially if he looked at her face through a video call, I do not want to see your tears fall again, I do not want to see your tears fall again, it will be removed by another hand. We just need time to forget each other.

Afkar put some pieces of clothing and important letters into 2 suitcases. Yes, today he is going to go to a city that he once visited when he was a child with his mother's father. A week ago he contacted an old friend when they were at a hostel in Yogya, Tama's name, he said, now he is returning to his town and living with his family after his college graduation and working as an honorary teacher at a high school.

Afkar took an online taxi and headed for Juanda airport. Sit alone in the room to the departure and wait for the plane. Still the face of the lover is always present in his memory, a face that is always cheerful, laughing, full of jokes, always rejoicing with all his cuteness and silliness, the girl with the guitar and again, his songs, the girl with the appearance of her heart but still looks sweet. But lately that face changed, became a sad face and often flowed tears, sad face lost even though it had obtained a replacement before the loss itself.

One call made him stand up and rush to follow the other passengers with the same majors.

The Surabaya plane has taken off, heading for a city in Kalimantan. Banjarmasin the city of a thousand rivers.