A DIVIDED HEART

Episodes 113. Is today my birthday

"Get out, Sam!" alexa shouted once again, she still closed her eyes and embraced both knees and either fell asleep or just reluctantly slurred to speak

"I understand everything, Lexa. I'm not asking you to trust me. I just want to tell you everything. I almost went crazy when I found out what happened to you, I couldn't sleep and couldn't swallow food. But as much as I could survive and in the end this defense collapsed Lexa" Alexa could still hear Samuel's words, his eyes were closed but not with his mind. Samuel leaned his head against the cold iron bars, his body did look thin and his face was also thin, his weight dropped drastically due to this problem, he said, he also felt pain even though this did not happen directly to him

"Give me one strong reason, Lexa. What makes you unable to accept me" there is no word from Alexa, but Samuel is still there and reluctant to move on

"If you don't want to accept my feelings but at least you want to accept my help, if indeed I can't make you special then just make me a friend, just make me a friend, I'm so happy to accept it, Lexa"

"Maybe yesterday the reason I didn't accept you was because I loved another man, but after that day, the day I had to serve this sentence then my strongest reason was because I was now too evil to be with a sincere person like you. Sorry, this may not make you understand and accept but know Sam, from now on I will accept everything, I will live this suffering and if someday you will still wait then I will try to open my heart but if later I am free and you are with others then I will consider these all the most valuable lessons" inner Alexa accompanied by a drop of tears that fell from her net fertilizer

This is the first time Alexa feels anxious about the good attitude of others, who have been filled with emotions and endless anger, too, even William's arrival a while ago didn't make him wither and think. He rubbed the clear liquid immediately and went back to pretending to be asleep

His existence which is now far from wealth, fame and even far from friends makes it soft and maybe arguably aware of what he has done, but he is reluctant to talk about all that, he said, he prefers to be quiet and let everything go according to His plan

...*************...

"Good morning, Miss Arini!" greet my housekeeper to Mama, this morning he came right before I entered work

"How are you, mom?" continued Pak Satpam while opening the fence

"Good morning, too, sir. Thank God I am good, what about my father?" mama replied as she sauntered into the courtyard of the house

"Is Agnes there?"

"There, Mom, it just so happens that Non Agnes hasn't left for work yet"

"Agnes works, where?"

"In the company of the father, uh I mean in the company pak kuncoro. Do you want to come in or do I call Non Agnes?" bargain Satpam sir to Mama, but mama does not want to enter and prefers to wait at the security guard post

Not long after, I was ready with my work suit, a gray suit that I combined with white high heels. I brought some now stacked files, I, the sandwiches tucked between my lips and the black backpacks that were now swirling on my back kept me from looking around and headed straight to the garage and then placed the pile of papers and the backpack on my back on my car seat

"Good morning, sir!" my greeting to the security guard who is now standing in front of his post, my head poking and staring at him

"Morning, Non" he answered but his face looked confused

I realized that, "Is there anything you want to talk about?" I turned off my car engine and got out of the car

"Anu, that ..." he scratched his non-itchy head. I looked at him sharply

"Some one is waiting, Non. I'm sorry I couldn't get her in because she wanted to wait for Non here"

"Who?" mr. Satpam pointed into his post, I immediately headed to the place in question

Deg, man,

Inside the security guard's post was Mama, she looked older than I had seen her last. Our eyes met, there was a strange vibe at that time, the person I longed for was now in front of me but in the deepest corner of my heart there was still a sense of disappointment and also anger. This feeling is back I feel

I wanted to say hello to him but my mouth felt stiff, the throat was dry and the story of the past was turning back. Mama was also the same, she was silent but this time she was a little closer, our distance was only a few steps away

"Agnes mama's son" he approached and hugged me, there was no resistance nor was there any reply. I was silent and unmoved

"Are you okay, baby. Mama misses you" she continued, then let go of her embrace, she looked at me and rubbed my face gently

"Mommy's son is an adult now, he was not a child yesterday afternoon who cried when pierced by rose thorns" mama's netra condensed a clear liquid that gathered and was ready to slide

My breath was rough, "I was forced to become an adult, because being a child was boring, exhausting, and unpleasant. We're constantly being lied to without knowing when it's going to end" Mama turned her face away and was then seen wiping the clear liquid that had now completely escaped her place

"Sorry, Nes. Mama's really sorry"

"I've forgiven you, but I'm sorry it won't be able to change what happened and won't even be able to turn back time"

"Sorry is of no use, Ma. Everything has happened, Agnes can accept everything now, whatever it is even though Agnes knows this will not be easy and will continue to imprint"

"Thank you if you've forgiven me, I'm glad to hear that. That way, you will calmly enjoy your old age without having to think if you can't give mama an apology"

"This is a small gift for you, maybe not much but the message of mama, remember mama when you see her" mama gave a black paper bag that she brought since then, he said, I accepted it and my mom passed away

"Mom will be back abroad tomorrow morning, take good care of yourself, visit mama if you have time" he said when he was outside the gate and then he went with a car that had been waiting for him

I opened the paper bag, there was a medium-sized box and also a letter

"For my mom's son, Agnes. Mama knows you still can't accept mama and mama's life now. But I hope one day you will understand how your real mom feels. Mama hope on your birthday you can apologize to Mama and everything. Happy birthday girl mama"

"Am I having a birthday today?" I ask myself, somehow, I don't care if today is my birthday or how. After all re-knowing or not nothing will change, all is still the same because the world will spin on its axis and not on my will

I drove my car and headed to the office, today was my last day working out of town and it was likely that he would be back in the afternoon. I also arrived at the office but was reluctant to get out of the car because there was a romance drama out there whose episodes continued every morning and also in the afternoon. Aira and William, they were unceasingly showing off their affection in a public place and it really discouraged me from seeing it

Kuraih paper bag from mama who is now sitting with my back bag. I opened the box inside, a bottle of perfume there, a perfume with a triangular shape glass bottle there were little blue stars among the white liquid. I opened the bottle cap and I sprayed a little into my hand, the smell was soothing and I admit, I love it

Tiiiinnnnnnnnnttttttt

The voice surprised me, the perfume bottle I was holding almost fell but I quickly caught it. I looked at the source of the voice, it was William who honked his motor horn and left his girlfriend. Finally the drama ended and one of the players left, after which I tidied up the perfume bottle and then got down from the car carrying a stacked kerta and also my back bag that had been lying in the backseat

"Good morning, ma'am" said Aira kindly behind the reception desk

"Good morning too" I stopped my steps there

"It's an invitation to Miss Agnes, it's an honor if you'd like to come" I accepted the red invitation, an invitation that read AW on the cover

"What is this, Aira?" I haven't opened it and just turned it around

"Tonight I will be engaged, ma'am" she replied with a happy face

Be pregnant?

Tonight then?

Will William be dating Aira?

Is this a dream or reality?

"I try to come yes" I walked away from there, not wanting to show what I felt to Aira, she nodded happily

Does he know that William is my ex-lover? many questions I wanted to ask but impossible, I continued walking towards my room with a full mind and also an empty gaze

As soon as I got to the room, I put all my luggage on the table, locked the door to my room and threw my body on the sofa of the room, and I immediately looked back to repeat the past and the tears flowed back

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