The Most Beautiful Miss

Punishment for Yourself

I put my hands on my feet, my head leaned over my knees and I was drowning in tears. There were sobs from everyone in the Hajj buk house. I felt a warm touch on my back. It turned out that it was Qeisha who hugged me tightly and leaned her head on my right shoulder.

"Adhii... For almost five years we've known each other why you never told me these details... All I know is you lost all your family members in an accident..." Qeisha sobbed stronger.

"It turns out that the burden you bear is heavier than I imagined.. I'm sorry that I used to curse and think you're overreacting.."

"Now I have the answer to the big question mark that has been on my mind for years.."

"I'm the killer.... I am the murderer of my parents and my brother." I cried in that cry.

"Son... You're not a killer..." Qeisha hugged me stronger and deeper.

Someone stroked my hair gently. I raised my head slowly, it turned out that Haji buk stroked my head lovingly and tears drenched his cheeks.

"That's destiny Dit.. Jan Taruih misguided himself Adhit.. Allah labiah loves you.. Barantai duh duh suang.." Grandma kept stroking the top of my head. (That's destiny Dit, don't constantly blame yourself, God loves him more.. Stop punishing yourself).

I wiped my tears and tried to continue my story.

****

The flashback:

When you wake up from a long and long sleep it feels like. I opened my eyes slowly, I stared around me with nanar. There I saw a monitor, a ventilator connected to a hose through my nose. There was a feeding tube, and there was an infusion hanging beside me. And there were two women in white-blue uniforms sitting at the middle table opening her laptop. And one of those women was Qeisha. She was an apprentice at the Hospital where I was treated. Realizing I had come to my senses, they approached me.

"Alhamdulillah mas already aware." said one of them. And one of them ran out of the room.

Before long came some doctors in white suits.

"Alhamdulillah Adhit.. I'm grateful you've come to your senses." said a doctor familiar to me.

"Ma.maa..mama and pa... papa in.ma..na?" I'm trying to ask.

But the doctor and the nurse brought my ears closer to my mouth.

"Adhit what's the talk? I don't listen." he said again.

And I repeated my question many times but the result still they do not understand. Then the team of doctors began to examine my current condition. I'm just sticking with what they're doing. Starting from taking blood, giving pain relief injections.

Days passed, no relatives ever came to visit me. Only friends and friends of one profession with papa who occasionally come and encourage. Or my schoolmates and some teachers who sometimes also take turns come to visit me. Niko for the first time came with my schoolmate after a few days of waking up. At school I was not very familiar with him. Even Niko was a quiet child but I often saw Niko meeting papa in the school parking lot. Maybe Niko was papa's friend's son, I thought at the time. Why has Niko been with me ever since, accompanying me and encouraging me. He stayed at the hospital with me.

Qeisha;

She is a gentle and super patient nurse. When many times I refused the medicine from his hands, he was always patient with my emotions. When I did therapy to get my voice out again, I always turned my eyes to her. Sometimes I purposely take his shoes. But she kept smiling and took good care of me.

I sometimes ran out of the room to find Mama, Papa and Brother's room. I went down all the aisles to make sure my family was. And I will be able to calm down if Qeisha has given me sedative medicine so that I can fall asleep. Niko entrusted Qeisha and Algi as my personal nurses. Algi was the senior nurse at this Hospital, while Niko chose Qeisha because for her Qeisha was a nurse who patiently faced me, unlike other nurses who sometimes turned emotional when I threw away all the drugs. Although they did not yell at me directly, but Niko could judge from the expression and look of their faces.

Finally after doing various kinds of therapy, I can talk even with a hoarse voice.

"Where am I?" the first sentence I said when I started talking.

Niko approached me. "It's good first.. I'll take her to the room of mom, dad, and brother..."

"Bring me now." I asked.

"Can't... Mom, Dad, and brother are being treated at different hospitals.. So if you want to see them, yes you must be declared healthy first with the doctor." persuaded Niko again.

"Promise?"

"Yes promise.. As long as you obey the doctor's orders and want to take the medicine given by the nurse.. You'll be out of this hospital quickly.. And can accompany mama..."

From then on I began to comply with all requests from doctors and nurses. Because I want to get well quickly and see my mom. The day was changing so slowly. I've been living in this hospital for months. Niko is today willing to take care of my college and also her college. I asked Qeisha to take me out of the room.

"Mr.. I'm for... Can you take me to the park?" my door.

"I asked the doctor first Mas.." he came out to ask for the doctor's approval.

He soon returned with a wheelchair. And I smiled with satisfaction.

"Can?" I asked for my spirit and answered a steady nod from the beautiful nurse.

"Have you been a nurse for a long time?" my many.

"Yet... It's still Mas's internship.. I'm from SMK G.."

"Oh.."

"She still has to go to school first... Continues if you can go to college also so that you can work at Mas Hospital.."

"When I was taken to this hospital, did you see me? Or see my parents?" ask again.

"Don't..."

I was silent for a moment. He stopped his thrust in front of a garden and there was a steel seat.

"I'm thirsty." I touched my neck gently.

"My throat is dry.."

"Okee. I'll get you a drink... But you promised not to go anywhere and stay quiet here.. If you leave, I can be scolded by the doctor and I will fail... Plisss yeah help me.." she freaked out and freaked out.

"Yeah.." I answered briefly.

He ran away leaving me.

I breathe fresh air while smiling.

Then some of the young nurses sat on the bench a little far away from me, like the apprentice nurses because I briefly saw the nametag hanging in their uniforms.

"Eeh uh that's a patient who was in an accident two months ago.."

"Eh yes.. Thank goodness he's alive.. His wounds are terrible.."

"I once entered his room in exchange for infusion, well from near him ganteeeeeeng.."celtuk other colleagues.

"Now his family chose a special nurse to take care of him.. Horaaang..."

"It's rumored that his late papa served here loh.. Doctor too.."

I turned my head towards them.

"Dead papa?" my whiskey.

They continued the conversation. They probably thought I couldn't hear.

"Yes, he was a family accident.. Reportedly there was papa, mama and his brother.. And he's the only survivor of the accident.."

"How do you mean?" ask the other nurse.

"Yes his family died the same day... Reportedly her mother died at the CTF, her father on the way to be taken to the Hospital and her brother died at this Hospital..."

I can't hear any more from their babbling. My heart stopped beating. My world feels crumbling and the earth is like an apocalypse. I felt Qeisha holding my cheek in panic. And the nurse was scattering to help Qeisha hold my body. I was half conscious of the atmosphere in the garden.

"I'm a killer.." I said..

****

Since that day my world has changed. I'm no longer the old Adhitama. Now I'm quieter, tighter, jutek, cold, and coarse. I don't care about the world around me. I used to run amok all of a sudden, especially when the guilt was coming and the shadow of the last thing in the car was haunting me, I would scream and hide under the bed. Closing both ears with screaming hands.

"I'm the killer...."

"I'm a bad boy.. I'm the killer.."

"I'm the killer..."

I also hate Niko whom I thought had deceived me. I hate Qeisha because she tricked me too. I am busy with my own world.

Niko and Qeisha always cheered me on. They took care of me and took me to a well-known psychiatrist in the Capital City. They took me for the first time to my family's grave. There I was hysterical and punishing myself. Many times I tried to end my life, but God always saved me through Niko and Qeisha.

They both fought for my recovery and gave me endless support. Even though I was always cursing at them, I was angry and rude. They still feel beside me. Until I started to recover and started to accept the reality.

"You need to move on with your life and your college.. Papa always proudly tells about your achievements and dreams." Niko said one afternoon.

"You know my papa?" I said cold and cold.

"certain... He's proud of you and your brother..."

"I always let her down"

"But your father asked me to accompany you.. I also attended the same Faculty as you.."

"Why can you get close to me?"

"Your father and mother are the best people I've ever known... They helped me and my family a lot, they also funded my school in the prestigious High School. I'm just an incapable villager but your parents raised me as a child.. And he asked me to live in one of his rented houses in Ciputat" Niko explained with tears in her eyes.

"I don't know what to repay them for... Papa and mama saved my life." he continued.

I even realized that from that day on, papa cares so much about other people. Even my own son doesn't know about this.

"You must endure and be able to stand on your own feet like your father's expectations... Maybe they left you, but who knows, they begged God to give you a chance to live.. Don't waste it.."

I'm speechless.

I looked up at every sentence he said.

I finally decided to move on and go to college. But I remained cold and quiet.

Qeisha went on to attend school and college, but she stayed at my house, with Niko, Ibuk, Pak Ujang, and two gardeners. Because according to my doctor and personal psychiatrist, I still have to be under surveillance. So there still needs to be a nurse who takes care of it properly and well.

****