The Most Beautiful Miss

Forgive Me

Niko stopped her car behind the high white wall. There were several parked cars. We started pushing on the seat belt. I took a slow breath and exhaled again. There was doubt in my heart, but the longing for my mother was so great and I was sure it was able to overcome that fear and doubt.

"Are you sure you're going in?" asked Niko a little doubtful.

I took a deep breath and looked at the high wall.

"Remain.." I opened the door handle and got out of the car. It was followed by Niko and Qeisha.

I began to step into the gate and Niko met the security who was standing at her post. Qeisha clasped my hand firmly. I looked at him and tried to smile so he could be sure I was okay.

Qeisha did not let go of his grasp and I felt a great comfort. We walked several tens of meters from the gate and the security post.

"Assalamu'alaikum, Mama.. papa.

I knelt down and cried.

"I'm sorry, ma.." I kept crying hard.

"I'm sorry, pa..."

"I'm sorry, bang.."

The sound of my crying grew stronger and the tears began to flow. Niko started squatting next to me. A few seconds later Qeisha also followed Niko's reaction. They caressed my back.

"Aante, um.. Qeisha come again here." said Qeisha softly.

I still cry sobbing. Qeisha and Niko started crying. I began to dare myself to touch the tombstone bearing the name of my mother and the name of my father. I bowed my body and tried to smell the black ceramic tombstone that looked still shiny.

"I'm sorry adek ma.... All wrong... It's all my fault.... I'm the guilty one." I kept crying and this time I lay down next to my parents' graves. I hugged the strong bark of soil that has now been covered with tripe grass and looks very clean and neat.

Qeisha tried to lift my body.

"Don't gini Dhit. Mama will be sad to see you gini..."

I don't care what he says. I kept crying and hugging their graves. Mama and papa's funeral was deliberately made one burrow. Because long ago papa had ordered and prepared everything. While the left and right sides of their double burrows have also been prepared for me and my brother. And now, to the right of the burrow they have also rested my brother there.

I sat down and turned my body. I rubbed the headstone that said my brother's name.

"I'm sorry, bang... Brother has to lose his future because of adek...."

"I'm the killer...... I'm the killer." I shouted while pounding my own chest.

Qeisha and Niko swiftly held my hand.

"Lu promise it will be strong if I bring it here... Is this what is called strong? You think mama, papa, and brother would be happy to see you gini hahh??" niko shouted so loudly right in front of my face.

"I'm the killer.... I caused them to die... I'm the killer!!!" I kept crying and screaming stronger than Niko

"Istighfar darling...." Qeisha kept crying and tried to calm me down.

I tried my hardest to let go of their tight hold.

"Let go of me!!! Let me make amends for all my mistakes with my death in front of this tomb." Satan began to possess my mind and my senses were lost.

Because I felt that it was impossible to take off Niko's firm grip, I dropped my body on the blade of grass. My head is parallel to the headstone of the Khalif bang.

The demon started to take control of me again. I hit my head against the tombstone firmly. Time and time again. And very strong.

"Adhit....." Qeisha yelled trying to pull my shoulder.

But the scarf was stronger and I kept banging my head there. There began to be blood spots on the tombstone. And I laughed happily at the blood.

"Hahhaa you deserve to die Adhit." I cried with all my might and continued to laugh.

Niko pulled my body as hard as she could and this time she succeeded. He fell backwards and I hit him. I immediately stood up and tried to approach the tombstone again.

Niko spontaneously stood up and pulled my body from behind.

"Don't be crazy Dhit.. This is the reason I doubt to bring you here." cried Niko in my door.

"Don't be weird." Pinta Niko started soft.

"Mama and papa you will be sad with all... Mama you will cry see you gini Dhit.." he added.

I turned around and my fist landed on his face. Niko immediately bounced off a surprise attack from me.

"You don't interfere... I made mama like this..."

I was going back to banging my head against the tombstone, this time my mama's headstone.

Qeisha stood beside me and directly slapped my cheek firmly. I was surprised and looked at him sharply.

"You want to die??? Huh?!?" Qeisha with a very high tone of voice.

"Seriously want to die?? Please...but not in front of your parents' tomb!!! If you really want to die do not use your brother's headstone let alone your mama's headstone!! Don't make them hurt and sad to see you now!! I'm sorry to have struggled to care for you, from you not having the spirit of life, from you struggling with a paralytic part of your body, from you not being able to make a sound, from you who are almost crazy.." Qeisha widened her eyes and she spoke without even a single tear full of anger and hatred.

"You think I'm not tired of all my struggles? When sleepiness comes I still have to take care of you.. Keep away sharp objects that at any time can harm my patients. But today you want to die and it's in front of your family's grave?? I regret having fought for your recovery!! I regret taking the time to take care of you!!! And I'm sure your parents also hate your lowly actions so much today!!!" Qeisha is getting fiery.

"Continue your suicide!!!! Hit it even harder let the process go faster!!" Qeisha turned her body and ran away from me.

I was silent and downcast.

Niko sat down beside the tomb and stared blankly at me.

I looked towards Qeisha who was running away from me. Then I looked at my parents' gravestones.

"Astaghfirullahhal... What have I done.." I withered while wiping away the blood that began to wash over my face.

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