The Most Beautiful Miss

The memories...

Accompanied by the sound of rain. I plucked a guitar on the balcony of the room. With old song chants, miss you - D'Masiv.

Imagine how many drops fell from the sky, soaking the ground. That's how much I've always regretted my life. That much misses them. And the rain, always reminds me of them, their smiles, their laughter, and their shouting. And in the rain, they left me without saying goodbye.

"Aaahhhhh." I shouted while hitting the chest.

The rain always makes me remember them. Those whom I have deeply loved and now I can only miss in solitude and regret...

Regrets that always torment me. Regrets that always make me fragile.

And again, I miss them more than anything.

"I'm the killer.." I said.

Tears can no longer be contained.

Many times I hit my chest, hoping to get rid of the pain in my heart. Be ill... Piteously.. Browbeat.. Regrets that will never bring things back.

The memories were clearly visible in front of my forehead..

Occasions after events take turns in my mind. As if I were playing a video. I'm stuck in the memories of my childhood, my teenage years, and the time when I lost all the most beautiful things in my life.

My name; Adhitama Syahputra. I was born to an amazing mother. I called him; Mama. Mama is super patient and super tough. My mom always tried to give her best for me. Well, for us. Me; me and my brother. I have a smart and incredibly handsome brother. Name; khalif Syahputra. About my dad... Well, I called him; Papa.

Papa is a hard and disciplined man. But my childhood wasn't very close to Papa. Even my childhood was looking black about a Papa figure. In my eyes, that Papa was a cruel and evil man. That left my mom, me, and brother. That made you suffer, made you lose your smile, that made you cry, cry, and cry.

My mother was a mu'alaf (since married to papa). They used to be in college and fell in love with each other. With all the twists and turns of their story, they finally decided to get married and settle in the hometown of papaku, Bukittinggi, West Sumatra.

Married with no blessing from my mother's family. And my mother entrusted her future and life to the man she loved. Choose out of his extended family. Love is sometimes blind.

Until I was 5, my family was whole and almost perfect. Our days are full of love and affection. My father, who works as a doctor at Puskesmas in our village, always gives a decent and well-to-do life. My mother, as a housewife. Because all of my mama's diplomas were confiscated by her family. And mama gave up all the origin of being able to live with my dad.

But all that happiness was lost when my father told us to go to Jakarta.

"Maa.. have you talked to the kids?" ask papa on the sidelines of our dinner.

Mama shook her head and looked at me and at my brother.

"What's Pa, by the way?" sahut.

I just stared and didn't understand what was going on.

Papa took a slow breath.

"Gini bang. deck.. " Papa looked at us in turn.

"Well, are you going to Jakarta? There's a monas, isn't there Paa??" I cut off papa's talk with an enthusiastic face..

"Ikut Paa. adek follow Paa.." whine me while pulling papa's arm.

Papa smiled and kissed my head.

"Yeah, we'll all go there tomorrow papa left first, papa find a contract and we all move there"

Mom smiled and stroked my hair.

We continued with dinner. My shadow is now full of monas, monas, and monas. Because for those of us who used to live in the village, going to Jakarta is a pride.

And finally papa went to the Capital. We let go of papa happily and proudly. Hope everything is okay and we will move to the Capital. We drove Papa to the bus terminal.

A day. Two days. Three days.

A week. Two sundays. Three sundays.

A month. Two months. Three months.

We didn't get any news from papa. We're like losing track and losing news about papa.

At that time, the phone did not exist. Still news through the mail.

Many times we came to my grandmother's house (mother of my papa). But they answered the same thing as the previous week and month.

"No news yet about Andi... I hope he's okay there".

Papa....

Paa...

Where's papa?

Papa is fine, right?

Papa...

Papa...

Go home...