The Love of the Former

DCSM chapter 51

Flashbacks.

"Fel." The voice that used to accompany me every day. A voice that I miss all the time.

"Yes, hello." My slow

"Dear."

Deg

A very intoxicating but painful sacred word now I hear. A word he had never spoken again after that. A word that seems forbidden to both of us. Yet, that word I miss so much.

"Yes, my mom."

"Tonight I'll talk to you? tomorrow we may not be able to talk to each other. You belong to someone else. Give me a chance to spend the night chatting with you like you used to."

"Me, me,.."

"I beg you, Ar. Understand my position. If possible I want to go home and hug you right now. I want to tell the world that I'm not willing. Not willing to go through releasing you nor willing to fate to play with our love."

"I've tried, even tried many times. But never able to, that feeling as if embedded and deeply rooted in my heart and soul. My brain seemed to reject all reality but I was still forced to think sane."

"Why do you have to get this sick. What's wrong with this taste? why is the barrier between us so big? It's not the end I want."

My tears melted without my being able to hold. My eyes stared at the sky of the room. My heart feels claustrophobic, not just with all the words he said. But also because my heart also felt the hurt.

"Why should the meeting be between me and you, while this feeling never be*we**."

Silence created without being prevented, I was still silent with a restrained sob. I want to feel like I'm roaring so much, but that's impossible for me to do right now. The figure that was being closed in front of me still looked calm without being disturbed in the slightest.

"What time is the ijab tomorrow? I can listen to her, right?"

I was stunned, Mas Pri still thought that the show was tomorrow. Tonight was my first night after I changed status.

"What's? you're no longer kidding, Ar. Your joke's not funny."

"No, kidding. This morning the ijab was done."

"That means tonight, your first night with her?"

"I. yes, but.. "

"No, I can't!!" Cut it without listening to me talk.

"You're mine, Ar. You're mine!! why are you so bad to me? why did you kill me this cruel? why Ar, why?"

Arrgggghhhh

I could no longer speak, the tightness tormented my heart. Is this my fault?

"You, you won't be able to do it. You're only mine, Arsita. Before or now. Listen to me, you wouldn't be able to have children if I wasn't your husband."

Jeddarr

My heart stopped beating at that moment. The sound of music that still flowed softly and also the voices of the neighbors who were still awake sounded boisterous full of laughter.

I clutched the phone that had been extinguished a few minutes ago. I was stunned in silence, my body shaken withstanding the turmoil. But the pain was more in my soul.

Where should I complain? Who knows and understands my true feelings. I didn't get married because of coercion, but it was a choice. A choice that turned out to be very painful.

I moved, I approached Valdi who was still asleep. His fever was already down, his sleep was peaceful with a subtle snoring that sounded.

I came back crying. Tonight, my first night. Not only have I hurt my own heart and soul, but I have also made pain for Mas Pri. Even I gave a wound that Valdi never knew about.

In the dark the night slowly changed by morning. I can only wail without a sound. Even an apology cannot represent it.