The Heart of Raisya

Lied

While I have to condition myself. Every time I go home from college I buy time to go home. I'm not ready to be questioned at length by ummi and abi. But want to come whenever all this they will know.

Like tonight after my parents' prayers asked me to watch TV together, of course I did not refuse. Because before marriage it is customary that we always gather in the family room.

"Raisya, your husband doesn't come back here, son, from yesterday ummi don't see?" ummy asked.

" emm.. sis Firman was out of town driving his cousin to find work from yesterday ummi." I said lying.

"Oh yeah, you're okay, right?"

" Ummi, we're fine."

Abi does tend to be quiet, because for Abi, a grown daughter will definitely be more comfortable close to her mother. So abi always handed over his son's problems to ummi. Abi who will take the decision.

"Thank God that you are okay Rai, because it may not be easy for you to live in a household while studying, and also you are married because you are betrothed. Ummi hope you can live happily. Like us, even though we were betrothed, but thank God until now we can be together."

"Yes ummi Raisya trying to be a good wife, pray for us."

" Of course, son, parents would want the best for their children." abi chimed in.

I know my parents weren't forcers. They agreed to this matchmaking because of the agreement between their parents, maybe they didn't want to disappoint their parents. So do I who do not want my parents and grandmother to be disappointed.

Although I was watching the soap opera but my mind is not here. I wander about thinking about how my household will be.

" O Allah forgive me for lying to my parents, I do not want to worry them." - My heart.

Three days passed and there was no sign of my husband calling or coming home. Mother Brother Firman has not told me either. I don't know what to do. I leave it to God.

These three days, I went through with a restless heart. Even so I must remain firm in front of everyone. I had to pretend to be happy in their eyes. I have to be ready for any situation I face. I must be strong, this is destiny. The Lord will not test His servants beyond the limits of His servant's ability.

...****************...

After four days I always failed to call my husband's number. This time I keep trying. And my efforts are not in vain, the number is active even though it is not directly lifted.

After trying many times it finally lifted as well.

"Assalamu'alaikum sis."

"Wa'alaikum salutations."

"Where are you now?"

"I'm so worried, big brother, there's no news at all."

"Yes I'm fine, you don't think about me."

"Why brother disappeared, I'm waiting on campus because I promised to pick him up."

" I'm sorry, I'm sorry I've been an impudent husband."

"It's okay brother, I can scream. When will you come home?"

"Maybe the day after tomorrow."

I don't want to ask too many questions, let him go home first so we can talk well. It's unethical to have to finish on the phone. Fear of misunderstanding.

" Kak health care do not forget to eat and pray."

" hemm. dik ." He paused his words.

" yes, brother...."

" A lot of good men, a thousand good men who are much better than me. And any one of them can make you happy, not like me ignoring you."

"kmKak didn't say what the hell? Brother is my husband, my priest why should I talk about kayak gini? Brother go home first we talk well, I wait the day after tomorrow."

" Well the day after I get home, Assalamu'alaikum."

"wa'alaikum salam."

After hanging up the phone without feeling clear liquid dripping from my eyes. Confused, angry, upset, sick, longing to mix into one. As a woman as strong as I am, I definitely need a place to lean. And my husband should be the most comfortable place for me right now.

Can't be lied to, even though there's no love between us, but I love him. Even though he always changes not necessarily with his attitude. I love and respect her as a husband. Maybe people will say I'm stupid. But about feelings no one can force or engineer.

Right now it is only the do'a and do'a that I have always relied on my Lord.

"Allah the servant knows this is Your test. Strengthen the servant in the face of all this. Open the heart of the husband of the servant so that he will accept the servant if indeed we are destined to still mate amen."

🍀doesn't need a reason to love, because love doesn't need a reason🍀

Thank you for stopping by my first work brother readers, sorry if you have not found satisfaction in my work.