The Heart I Choose

Episodes 2.23

Happy reading May you like the whole thing

***

"I love Tian. It feels like dying, as painful as this feels when this heart is rejected. Huuu.... Why God is unfair. I just want Tian huuu...."

That night I couldn't sleep. My mind wanders everywhere. A look of sadness came from Wulan's face. Every time I remember crying, it makes my heart ache.

Wulan's cry made me feel so guilty. I am that woman of destruction. What would Wulan do if she knew that I was that woman?

I'll get them back together. I want Wulan to be cheerful again and remain a friend of Mia.

***

I'll finish all the papers on this table. I've been preparing my assignments until next Sunday an important decision I've made. Tonight I want to end it.

"Is everything sorted out? Before we go home we eat first, right?"

Tian had been standing next to me, as I locked the door of his warehouse.

"I'm not hungry"

"But I'm hungry." Tian took my hand and kissed it, I quickly pulled it and released it from Tian's grasp.

"Today was the last time I worked here. All the tasks for the next week have been completed. I'm sure you'll get a replacement before that one week."

Tian was silent hearing my words. "What do you mean Mia?"

"I want to stop Tian. Stop working here." 'And stop loving you.'

I quickly ran from before Tian. I couldn't look at his face. I'm afraid to change my mind. Tian swiftly pulled the bag hanging on my shoulder.

"Give me an explanation, Mia."

Tian showed a look of confusion on his face.

"I don't want to explain anything."

Tian was still holding tightly to my bag. "Please!!!! I'm going home!"

"Why angry, Mia? Explain first, don't confuse me." Tian now pulled my arm, brought me back inside, he clipped my body so that my body was sandwiched between his two hands.

"There's nothing to explain, Tian. I want to quit. Start a new job in a place that...."

Tian brought his face closer and caught my lips still open. I enjoyed the sensation of the kiss she gave me. For a moment I forgot, if there's anything I need to finish. 'Let me enjoy it one last time'. I close my eyes, holding back the crying in my heart, when the desire is not in line with what I am about to say.

I pushed Tian's body firmly, so he was pushed back. I ran to avoid it.

"Give me an explanation! I'm not going after you anymore."

Tian's voice weakened behind me. I saw him bow down to his knees facing me. 'Don't be like that Tian, your attitude makes me weak'

"I've released Wulan for you. Why is this the answer."

Tian looked at me with frustration and sadness. I can't stand here for too long. I was afraid that I would cry and change my decision. I have to strengthen my resolve again. To make Wulan return to Tian.

"I'll go back to Wandi. We'll be together again."

"Mia, No.... I would love it if you weren't with me. But, I don't want to hear you get hurt again..."

I closed my eyes feeling every word Tian said full of Love.

"Why? We are still legally legitimate. I want Dika back and this is the only way."

I dare not look at Tian's face. Who tried to find lies from my words.

"I love you Mia."

"But, I don't love you, Tian."

"Tell me one more time, I don't believe your words." A sad glint from his eyes.

'Don't you see, I'm hurt too.'

"I don't love you. I never liked you. Never..."

"Mim...."

"I don't love you."

"I don't love you."

I repeat my words over and over again. I want Tian to hate me and go back to Wulan.

Let me remove all flavors.

"Go Mia... I don't deserve to ask for your heart."

I don't need to run anymore. Tian won't come after me anymore. I carry the wounds I made myself.

"If you get hurt again, I'm always ready to be his medic."

Tian's words made me turn back. His head was already lying face down on the table and hiding the face between his arms. I heard a little sob from him. Tian crying.

I want to go back, hug her body. Easing her tears.Saying all this was just a lie. But, the fact that Tian would be happier with Wulan made my determination back stronger.

I don't want to compete with Wulan. And I'm not ready to go with Tian either. I don't want to repeat the same mistake. Let me find a suitable man so that there will be no more insults.

I looked at Tian's back, who no longer looked at me. I'm sure you'll be fine. Because from now on I will feel this pain myself, without you sharing.

Let Me Go

by. Aldi Maldini 

.................

I didn't expect

Everything is like this

All that is beautiful

Turned into a vanish

Inexhaustibly

I'm like this

Leaving you

Without a certainty

I can only hope

You're happy there

With him my choice

Even though he's my best friend

Let me go

Let me be the one who's hurt

Let me stop

Stop expecting you

Oh God strengthen me

Accept all this

If he was for me

I hope to give him back to me

I can only hope

You're happy there

With him my choice

Even though he's my best friend

Let me go...

***

After a few words I changed,

This song feels right in my current state. Let me go.

Tiii.

Tian was beside me. "Let me drive home."

"I can go home by myself."

"This once, Mia. After that I won't bother you anymore."

Tian gave the helem and the jacket to me.

"I can go home by myself, Tian."

"Please, Mia. This has been your reply all along. When my heart has been rejected. Allow this once, I want you to accept my offer."

'This one time Mia, don't let her down.'

Still visible the rest of her crying. My little heart cannot refuse. I took the jacket and helmet that Tian gave me. After making sure I was sitting properly, Tian took the bike forward.

On the way home we were both silent. I looked at his back, wanting to hug his back, saying all this would pass. But I didn't have the courage to do it.

It didn't feel like we were at my house. Tian took off my helmet. He looked at my face for a long time, "I love you, yesterday, now and then."

I let him kiss my forehead. "Go, greetings to Father and Mother, greetings also to Kiyah."

I took off Tian's jacket.

Tian refused, "No need, just take it, just think of it as a memory."

Tian kissed my forehead again, then turned around and rode his bike. I saw his body disappear in the darkness. Like the loss of hope I just planted.

****

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