The Heart I Choose

SURRENDERED

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***

When he got an injection of energy, he tried all the games without feeling tired. I helped Kiyah to play, can no longer follow Dika. Rehan prefers the game of stacking blocks, Ma'am Dewi can accompany Rehan while playing hape, so not too tired. I finally let Dika play alone and with her new friend, I chose to rest, while keeping an eye on her.

From afar I saw, someone who was wearing exactly the same clothes that Mas Wandi was wearing this morning. My slightly myopic eyes to see far away, continued to pay attention until that person passed through this arena of play.

"Mas Wandi."

I hope Dika doesn't see her papa, though,

"Mama, it's papa, look at Ma! call Papa, Ma!, PAPAAA!!" Dika shouted loudly calling his papa.

My partner was wrong, and he saw it too.

Luckily this game arena is surrounded by thick glass, so that Mas Wandi does not need to hear the screams of his son. Everyone was shocked to hear Dika's voice, but I was more shocked by what I saw earlier.

Mas Wandi walks with a woman, the woman's hands so mesraanya holding my husband's arms, they walk towards the cinema that I can only enter, if my husband's children come.

The woman I've seen on video calls a few times, but she's always been told by Mas Wandi. Stupid me, who can always be fooled. My heart seemed to stop beating, no more heard the screams of Dika who still kept calling her papa.

"Mia´s...Mia..., Miiaa," Mother Goddess shouted while shaking my body.

This body feels stiff, whether the call to how I can just realize it. All eyes look at us, I don't care what's on their minds.

"Mkurk,..." I hug Mother Goddess for strength.

Ma'am Dewi took me to the corner of this game arena.

"Tell me, I'll hear you!"

I can't say right now, I let the tears keep falling. The man who often hurt my body and soul, it also hurt this marriage. He's my husband, whom I've defended, despite the big lies he's been hiding.

"We go home, ma'am," take me to Mbak Dewi.

"All right! Rehan, Dika ayoo we're ready to go home!" Mbak Dewi called Rehan and Dika who had stopped playing.

Dika did not release his grip.

***

"We stopped by here first yuk!" take Dewi as we pass by a fast food restaurant.

"Not to mbak! I want to go home," I refused subtly.

"We just drink, do not eat really," said Mbak Dewi.

"Mother, Rehan is hungry!" exclaim Rehan.

"Where too!"

I succumbed with ego, we entered this room, I chose a corner that could sustain my weary body.

"I want to give up!"

"Mother, why is papa Rehan holding on to that auntie?" rehan's remarks surprised Mother Goddess.

Ma'am Dewi did not see exactly when Mas Wandi passed us. Maybe he only saw a little when Mas Wandi was about to enter the cinema room. So it's not too obvious to Mother Goddess.

"Maybe it's not Papa Dika," Ma'am Dewi replied turning the question.

"Yyaa mother, Dika clearly saw that papa. Yes ma!!"

The tears that I had been holding back, came back down.

"What's less? I received all your treatment and harsh words, it turned out to be the reply!"

"Miaa, ayoo drink first,"

"What's my fault???? He forbade me to work I followed, he forbade me to see my family, I did, I followed him to this small town, so that we could be a happy family, why isn't that happiness mine???"

Mother Goddess could only shut up, then hug me. I shed these tears again, my heart aches, my soul hurts, my body hurts, everything becomes one in mind.

****

"I want to stay at home, okay?" my door to the Mother Goddess.

"If in the usual atmosphere you are happy, Mia. But now, in this kind of atmosphere, you better not!" Ma'am Goddess refused me subtly.

"Good, Ma'am."

I helped Dika get off the car Ma'am Dewi.

"I'm sorry Ma'am, you should first solve your problems with Wandi, do not run away from problems" said Mbak Dewi.

"Thank you mbak."

Madam Dewi can't be my protector yet.

***

At 1.30 pm, the sound of Mas Wandi's car

Immediately, I brewed Mas Wandi's favorite sachet coffee, I cooked boiled noodles that became his favorite at night, I served it at the table where he used to play hape and watch. I'll talk to him nicely.

"Where did you go?" my many.

After I let him sit for 10 minutes. I can't wait to hear what lies he's going to tell to fool me.

"It's only in the office" he answered briefly.

"I saw you, Mas, joined with a woman, who you often say friends, you just watched right?"

Mas Wandi looked shocked, but he again replied casually.

"You've seen it wrong!"

"Honestly, I might be able to correct myself, where is my fault as a wife?"

"He's my office mate, his son is smart and sexy like you, you can't match him!" mas Wandi replied, like a hammer hitting the chest.

****

Mas Wandi is getting less and less concerned about us, coming home just for a little while. There were my mistakes that made him angry, he said my food was salty, clothes I did not deserve to wear, children who were always fussy for attention, all became a big problem for him.

Every anger came, not reluctant to say talak he hurled. Neighbors have repeatedly been witnesses of his rampage. So worthless to him. For what this household is maintained if it only gives wounds and I am not considered a nobody.

I also no longer have the passion for sales, how many times Mbak Dela came to give the spirit to rise, but I no longer care.

Mas Wandi easily said the word divorce, I no longer stay still or run, I challenge him, reply to every blow he gave, we are no longer like husband and wife, we are no longer like husband and wife, I'm no longer a submissive Mia, I always want to scream if I see her.

Mas Wandi's family always defended him if I complained about his behavior. I am tired of always lectured by Mas Indra and Mbak Dewi to always succumb to my husband, Mama increasingly compared me to Mbak Dewi.

They don't see me from my position.

Mas Wandi always vilified me to his family and friends, I was always said to be wasteful, said I was a thief of his money, could not take care of the household. The ugliness in his corals so that I might lose the one who can defend.

****

"Mia, you can't keep going like this, get up Mia."

Brother Dela came back, after Mas Wandi left our household war.

This house is no longer neat, the items in this house are the target of throwing Mas Wandi, because they can not hit me.

"I can't afford it anymore."

I shed my tears in the arms of Mr. Dela, the cry I held in front of Wandi.

Only Dela was still faithfully comforting to me, as many neighbors looked cynically at me.

"Now forget what you think is best, Mia."

I looked blankly into Dela's eyes, I already knew the answer, the answer that would make me happy again.

"I'm going to go, ma'am" my crying back made me sob.

"You're serious, Mia"

"Yes, I'm giving up!"

I cleaned up the clothes and items I bought from my work, none of the Mas Wandi gifts I took, only one suitcase, including Kiyah and Dika's clothes in it.

With the help of Ms. Dela, I called a travel call that could pick me back to my parents' house, where Mas Wandi once pleaded to make me his wife.

Tears I let it continue to fall, I no longer intend to remove it, let him be a witness I was here, in the torment of the birth of the bathin by my own husband.

I hugged Mommy Dela, she was the only one who let me go.

"May we meet in a different atmosphere,"

"Mak Mia must rise, return to be a spirit and smiley Mia" said mbak Dela, I can no longer smile to cover my pain.

"Believe the prayer, Mother! may this be the best way for us."

I lock all the doors of this house and I throw it as far as I can, I don't need it anymore.

"I chose the wrong heart. I give up, I lose, I let you be the winner."

EXPIRE