The Heart I Choose

Episodes 2.18

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I took a deep breath, maybe I should have a friend to tell a story. I've been in this problem myself for a long time. Not having a friend told me stories that made me drift alone in the pain. Perhaps by telling stories can reduce the burden that stifles the chest. Although no advice can be given, let the burden be lost through words.

“With it there.” I started my story. “At my in-laws' house, exactly ex-in-law. It's been two weeks they've been holding him back, hoping I can get back to his son.”

I rubbed my sweaty face on this AC car. “I don't know what to do? Going back to Mas Wandi will only create new wounds on old wounds that have not healed. But, that was the only way to be with Dika again. I try to be strong in front of them. Saying myself was fine without Dika, even though half my life I had left with Dika. What is so great about a mother without her child? I'm not that strong.” I covered my face with both hands, holding back the urgent cry of wanting to come out.

I no longer continue the conversation. The ugliness of Mas Wandi let it be a bad memory stored neatly in the heart. I am used to not sharing it with anyone. Since Mama said, a wife should be able to cover the disgrace of the husband. I dare not confide in anyone anymore. Including Dad, the man who was preparing to protect, saw the dim light coming from my face. I can only imagine that I was hurt. The child who grew up with half his life, turned out to have long harbored grief.

The marriage that is dreamed of is two unification of the soul will give color to the new life, still only a dream. I do not ask for a romantic husband and like to praise, only want a man who can be used as a place to lean on the heart. But, I was too late to realize that Mas Wandi has a bad nature, selfish and lack of empathy, even sometimes rude words hurt.

Five years of marriage only a wound can be recorded in memory. Mas Wandi's family could not be invited to exchange stories, releasing a bit of the sad and bitter pain I felt. Only “Sabar” do they think this meaningless marriage solution.

Tian took back the hand I used to cover his face from earlier. I let it go this time. Tian's hand was flowing a new power I hadn't felt in a long time. He pulled his car to the left of the road.

“Crying Lah, Mia!” He brought my head to his chest that field.

I sobbed, “I miss Dika, Tian. One of the Mothers who miss her child.”

Tian shook his head, “Indeed a mother misses her child.”

“But, I'm a stupid mother...I can't defend my son. I don't have the strength to take it...Hiks...What should I do?!”

Tian just rubbed my head, the long time he hugged me, letting myself rumble indistinctly took off all the tightness I had long since sniffed myself. I realized, after I felt my chest a little airy separated from the impact of the burden. It turns out that it is true, sometimes we need friends to release the fatigue of the heart that suffers. My reflexes release Tian's embrace, “Sorry!” I wiped away the tears from earlier.

“How now. It's okay, right?” ask Tian.

I nodded my head, smiling at him. A little bit of my burden is gone and I've been spilling. Tian became the focus of the curse. Although not all I tell.

“Thank you for being a listener. My load is slightly reduced,” I said slowly.

“We go home again!”

I closed my eyes for a moment, looking at the bright sky. And then turning to Tian, I gave a sincere thank you smile to a friend.

We no longer spoke, Tian turned on the music to accompany me on the way to my house.

You are not beside me

The moon just stared silently at me

No warmth you accompany my cold

I'm saddened, I want you here

My heart longs for a dream

I miss you wanting to be hugged

I can't without you alone

I miss you wanting to be caressed

I died without you

The moon just stared silently at me

No warmth you accompany my cold

D’Bagindas - Sendu

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