The Door of the Heart of Amira

Chapter 43 Loves her

POV Amira

All day long I spent thinking about Kak Digo's words.

He's right, I love him. I love him in every breath. I need it as a home, where I can go back when the world I think is no longer on my side.

L loved her.

I loved him so much that I never realized that there was no empty corner in my heart because of his presence.

I didn't realize that all this time he had taken all of me, making me whole to the soul that I had been feeling in half.

Digo, if God allows me to convey all that I feel, will no one be hurt?

What about Riko, all this time I thought I only had him, but it turns out you were my owner.

Could it be that she'd break like I did when I found out she was both?

What about Nisa, the woman who has loved you so much? A woman who always struggles out of her unpaid longing. Did I take the only antidote for him?

But.how about myself? Can I be as strong as Nisa, spending my days with endless longing? Can I hold back my longing for you for the rest of my life?

Even now I can't hold my shade, sis, you're too beautiful for me to forget.

How could I forget you? If the love you gave me was the best version I've ever met.

You kept hugging me even though at that time my heart broke.

You keep walking to me even if you know the way I'm headed for love other than you.

I want you, my Lord, to be a witness to the taste He has placed in me.

But I can't betray Nisa.

She's the woman who's been nurturing her love for you for so long, sis, I feel I have no right to take you away from her.

Really, this reality slapped me back, made me get lost in a virtual corner and start getting knocked out of the real world.

I wrote those words in my diary with tears as its embellishment. I close my book and I put it in my desk drawer.

Later this book will be my reminder, that I once desperately fought against reality and also my love.

I walked to my bed, then I laid myself with my eyes closed. I imagine once again the face of the man I have been hiding from my love.

Everything he did, all the love he gave, was recorded clearly in my memory.

Why am I so stupid? Even in the fragility of his heart, he still met me with love. Ah, this is what it feels like to be you, brother. It hurts so much to let the person we want to be on our side but instead we let go to be with someone else.

I try to fall asleep in my sleep. My breath is heavy, my nose hurts. Even my eyes were throbbing from tired crying. My hands are busy wiping away the tears that never stop.

So tired...

I don't want to sleep in this state. But I had to force myself to fall asleep. Because only by sleeping I was able to get rid of the pain that was in my heart.

****

the POV Digo

I walk into my beloved room. Then I sat on the window edge of my room which is now my favorite place since I thought about you Amira.

Yes, you are still always the main topic in the narrative of my life. For 5 years I never found the person I wanted to be until I met you.

I think God sent you to be my wound healer. My old wounds that have dried up are eaten by time.

But it turns out that God left a wound that was more painful than my old wound through you.

Is it because of my stupidity that makes you unwilling to accept me?

I think I've knocked on your heart's door. But it turns out that you fortified that door with an iron wall that was so hard for me to get through.

Why is it so hard for your heart to come?

Can't you see my love?

Do I have to bleed for you to look at me just once?

I love you Amira, really..

Only you

My eyes stared at the side of the road as seen from inside my room.

I wish I didn't remember you for a while.

But even under these circumstances I can still see your shadow Amira.

This place has never been touched by you. Even your presence has never been felt in this place.

But why is your shadow able to chase me here? Where else would I go without meeting your shadow Amira?

How long have you tormented me with this endless love?

I walked to my bed, I put myself down to let go of the tiredness I was carrying earlier. I stared at the ceiling of my room hoping the pain in my heart was gone.

I really want this pain to disappear from my heart. But as long as I open my eyes, it's as long as this feeling runs through my entire body.

Then I closed my eyes, wishing I could bring me to eternal peace. Or at least take away a moment of my pain.

*******

Amira and Digo both fell asleep wrapped in the matter he carried until morning.

Amira woke up to the sound of her cell phone ringing. The phone came in from Tasya. Amira opened her eyes that felt still very heavy and took the phone located on her right side.

“Halo,” greet Amira with a distinctive sound of waking up.

“Heh Mi, from earlier I called you not awake? Crazy what you have just woke up at this hour,” said Tasya who sounded in the crowd.

“Tasy lo very noisy anyway, lo where is it?”Amira asked back.

“Gue again on this road to campus. You forgot we had a test? Cepet wake up there ntar lo miss loh.” said Tasya with a voice half screaming because he was worried his voice was inaudible.

“Well do we want a test? Forgot me Tasy I did not wake up if you get me up,” said Amira panicked with her hands patted her eel.

“Ih fortunately I just call you keep Mi, if I did not call you can still sleep until we finish the exam. Yes already there you are ready already this mepet,” said Tasya reminded.

“Iya yes I am ready first, yes I have hung up yes I want to shower,” replied Amira then hung up the phone.

He sat on the bed to collect his life which was still not perfect due to waking up in shock.

Brother Digo.

The first thing that came to his mind was that name. He began to remember that he fell asleep crying last night.

Ah it turns out the pain is still left behind. Amira smiled miris.

There was no time to cry, because today he had to get ready to go to college and take exams. Must pass the exam in order to ease his steps forward.

Whatever he felt, he had to pass this test first, he thought.