Renjana Dusk Kala

Chapters 74. Only Time Will Tell and Heal

Only Time Will Tell and Heal

(Time alone will answer and heal)

***

Jakarta

Pocktail

Today is Aran's birthday. Since long ago, Anjani had told him directly while staying at the mamak house. Arrive early with mom and kids.

"Not bother, brother. Just come bring the body." Bright Anjani with a serious mimic but with a smile. "If possible from morning. Hehe ...."

"Everything's done the same with me." Anjani continued as he asked, about what kind of cuisine or food they can bring. What do kids like?

"It's just an expression of gratitude" Anjani continued. "There is no other event. The concept is also just playing with the family in the afternoon."

"Let us bring yellow pulses" said the mamak who was knitting on the chair.

Anjani looked at him who nodded. Then nod along. "But .. don't bother ya, Mak."

Since long ago, they were busy talking about gifts. Most enthusiastic and excited who else if not Sasa and Umay. The two children even made a list of toys that dekgam did not have.

"Toys that haven't got yet .. dimeh all huh, Sa?" Umay observed the writing on a piece of paper he had just made with a puzzled face.

"When do we want to gasing, flute, otok-otok, platokan, bamboo whistle?" Umay and Sasa looked at each other with increasingly confused faces. "Not so cool."

He smiled because all the traditional toys are not owned by the decgam. Umay could remember something most accurately.

"Why not cool?" He went with nimbrung. "That's a funny toy all. Dekgam would love."

"But it's cheap, Ma." Sela Umay's. "Lose cool same other good-nice decgam toy-good expensive trus."

"If plus a wooden truck ... how?" He contributed ideas. One of their neighbors is a wood truck crafter for sale in the markets.

Umay and Sasa immediately looked up with happy faces.

"Cing Sapar's artificial wooden truck?" Guess Umay.

He nodded.

"Agreed!" Sasa instantly surged in excitement. "Buy the biggest one with the best color. Sasa will choose, Ma."

And after dzuhur, Mr. Cipto has come to pick up. But not expecting, will find Mr. Raka and Shaina on the porch next to Niar's mom's house. It turned out that there were guests who had arrived earlier ahead of them.

"Sasa!" Mr. Raka exclaimed cheerfully. "Main with Shaina, Sa!"

Sasa who approached Pak Raka to give greetings immediately nodded and approached Shaina. "Shaina what more picture? That's great."

And Mr. Raka did not give him the opportunity to avoid or stay away.

"That guy's coming, Pocut?" Whisper Mr. Raka with a witty face. "Time is running out. Can the winner be decided now?"

He could only swallow restlessly. Fortunately, Anjani pulled her hand to enter the house. Invite him to check the goodie bag that will be distributed to the neighbors in the village of Koneng.

"This is not enough, brother? If less so Cucun tea same bi Enok packing again."

He looked at the pile of goodie bags with a frown. "Anjani want for the people of the village?"

Anjani laughed cheerfully. "Enough means yes, brother? I'm afraid it's even less."

But Anjani was again preoccupied by something else.

"Same sister sitting down. Can't do anything." Anjani warned him many times.

He finally chose to sit on the side porch. The venue of the event. It looks set in such a way with a number of small tents, bean bags lined up, complete with a sheep in the furrow in one corner.

"The safari, brother." Seloroh Anjani when he asked why there are all sheep. "And it's not a sheep. But sheep. Borrow from his collection of animals papa temen me."

And he was even more surprised to find a cat, rabbit, turtle, and hamster in another corner.

"The most people can make a kayak gini show." One puckering stopped by his ear.

Mr. Raka again.

By late afternoon, relatives began to arrive. Most bring toddlers and children as beautiful as Sasa. But the most unexpected was ... found a beautiful woman who was greeted by Niar's mother and went straight into the inner room.

Quintessence.

"It seems .. someone wants to turn back, nih," muttered Mr. Raka even though no one asked. "Si Tama to sell all shares to meet Kinan's demand."

He immediately looked.

"Why is that surprised?" Mr. Raka laughed. "That is the true meaning of love. As I feel to you."

He felt embarrassed because from earlier Mr. Raka always said things that made him uncomfortable. But the most surprising of course is the whole story of Mr. Raka about Tama and Kinanti. Until selling shares?

And he was increasingly unable to think as the afternoon approached, the figure of Tama suddenly appeared and walked across the side courtyard. Still wearing official uniforms with tired faces. He immediately lowered his head as most of the guests greeted and greeted Tama. Trying to keep yourself busy with a cell phone in hand.

But ....

2 messages received.

Anjani's Sister.

He looked straight ahead. Right where Tama was also looking towards him with a smile.

Anjani's sister: 'Can't say hello.'

Brother Anjani: 'Is there no other choice of chair that makes me calm?'

He nodded but did not reply to the message. Choose to get up and go.

"Where are you going, Cut?" Mr. Raka was astonished.

"I saw the children first" he replied, pointing to Sasa and Shaina who were chasing rabbits with other children.

"Ah, again engrossed them. Here I'll just talk."

But he still moved after nodding to polite courtesy. "Sorry."

As soon as he approached the children who were petting the pure white-haired fat rabbit, his phone shook again.

2 messages received.

Anjani's Sister.

"Mrs ... Mama .. the rabbit is funny." Sasa shouted while laughing towards him. "We keep rabbits, Ma. Can you?"

He just threw a smile to answer Sasa's whimper. Open the message and read it.

Brother Anjani : 'Thank you 😊."

Brother Anjani: 'Stay there until I return.'

From where he stood, it was clear that Tama was stepping into the house. Immediately greeted by the embrace of Niar's mother at the door. Then walk to the inner room.

***

Quintessence

A move to Stockholm has been planned. But it has not been discussed with Reka. For he knew that Reka would surely refuse. Honestly, he doesn't like rejection. Even hate him so much.

He can lose control if the plan is rejected by the plan that has been carefully prepared. He didn't want this to happen. Do not want to make the designer afraid because they know the true state of themselves.

He was already taking medicines prescribed by the doctor. He has also done some therapy. But very late. Because the wound is too deep and too long. It takes tens or even hundreds of times of therapy to restore it.

Maybe everyone will blame him. To blame him for being selfish. Not having any sense of motherhood at all. Always make unilateral decisions without thinking about the child's feelings.

Unfortunately, all opinions are wrong. He's not being selfish. Just doing the best he can. Because in this way, he does not need to show weakness and pain in front of Reka. Let people consider her a bad mother. But for sure, he did it for the good of Reka.

Never out of memory, one incident that made him determined to limit himself. At that time Reka was only three months old. He is engaged in specialist education. While mas Tama lived separately because it was being assigned in Songgon, Banyuwangi.

That afternoon for some reason, he was suddenly so tired. It feels unbearable to the point that when Reka screams for ASI, he just pinched Reka's cheek until berbekas and flushed.

"Shut up!" His impact on a tiny baby who according to his eyes became very similar to the father. The person he hated the most. And everyone said, that Reka is the reincarnation of mas Tama. Much different from the typical face owned by the father.

At that time he wrote directly in the diary. The first day was angry, pinched, and hated Reka.

He felt very sorry and determined to fix it. But a promise is only a promise. His attitude did not improve. Outside of self-awareness repeat the same mistakes. When tired of whack unbearably, he will vent anger at Reka.

And he only realized when Reka was two years old. He was good at talking and funny. Handsome just like the father. But that day he was very tired. Want to be alone without any distractions. So when Reka continued to lunge spoiled while playing favorite cars, out of control he took the toy from the hands of Reka. Then threw him against the wall until he fell into pieces. Favorite cars Gift designs from mas Tama broke and fell scattered into the smallest parts.

A pair of innocent clear eyes immediately looked at him while glazed over. "Mother ... Why were the cars destroyed? Cars Reka. Design Cars."

The water immediately flowed into the river. Mother who caught Reka's toy destroyed can only gawk. He entered the room and locked himself up until evening. Raging though Reka repeatedly knocked on the door while crying out her name.

He returned to writing in a diary with tears in his eyes. The first time slammed the toy until it was destroyed. And he felt more guilty when he saw the list of mistakes in the diary book turned out to be so long and full.

He regretted. Very very sorry. He wants to change. Not repeating the same mistake. But the more he intends to change, the more he does things beyond reason that hurt Reka.

Mas Tama never knew this. Even now, a dozen years later. Mother, even though they live in the house, also does not know his behavior. All this time I assumed that he was just exhausted. So too with Miko. Perhaps Miko is the only person who often catches his beard behavior against Reka. But Miko never opened her disgrace to anyone. Miko silent a thousand languages.

The design grew big by looking at the pain. But the plan always forgives. She hugged him every time he changed into someone else. The design seems to have an ocean-wide stock of apologies.

"Sorry Design yes, Bun, for being naughty. Mother do not be sad. The design won't be naughty anymore."

Almost every night she cried alone. Hope Reka never remembers all the bad things she's done. Deeply regretting his stupid attitude and determinedly wanting to change.

But it feels so hard. Each time fatigue whack, his memory will again drift on the pain and hatred of the past. Then take it out on the design. Once it keeps repeating there is no end of the base.

Until he felt tired. Because they have no power over themselves. Like there are other forces that move him back to do bad things to Reka.

Ill-favored.

Idiotically.

And so hated.

But powerless to change themselves.

That hatred would always appear and take over his consciousness without any excuse.

Until then, the plan continues to grow. The longer he realizes the peculiarity of his behavior. No more being lied to by reason of being tired. Start asking questions often,

"Why are you crying?"

"Why do you often get angry?"

"Why are you always sad?"

He ever thought. The only way to escape this terrible thing is to regroup with the new Tama mas. It was not the Tama mas in a brown uniform that made his heart always feel frightened and break out in cold sweat.

But Tama refused. Mas Tama prefers work over him. It becomes one of the most painful things in life. After a prolonged childhood trauma. My husband now rejects it.

That's why he hates rejection. Because it will remind him back to a time when the most loved ones did not want him. Prefer career over love.

And his uncontrollable bad attitude again led him to threaten mas Tama about separation. But the only man she ever loved was unmoved. Keep the wedding rope even though it is filled with embers.

Until a force of piles of regret drives him to resolve. Will no longer hurt Reka but in a way that is no less painful. Keep distance.

He had to make room between the two of them. By not involving the design in his life. I just want their relationship to be okay. No longer out of control like before.

His extreme decisions are sweet. Ever since Reka sat on a kindergarten bench, she no longer displayed any odd, emotionally charged behavior. For having given guidance and education entirely to the late mother. He only knows about the fulfillment of the needs of the number one facility for Reka. Abundant with unlimited material.

He could feel a little relieved. No longer carrying the heavy burden of guilt towards the designer. Even if it means he is hurting himself. Because I feel so far away from Rik. Want to hug but feel empty. Want to get closer but afraid to hurt again. Everything went wrong.

Plus the quality of communication with the Tama mas that free-fall to the nadir point. He really felt alone. Sinking and then immersed in the thick black suction mud in the form of pain, disappointment, past trauma, feelings of rejection.

He didn't know what to do and how to save himself. Until finally Pram present brings a ray of hope.

Until this moment.

Can't turn around anymore.

Especially repeating it again.

He wants to be someone new. From the shadows of the past. For the good of those he loves. Especially Design.

He wants their relationship to be deeper and more meaningful. It's like a happy relationship between mother and child.

And Stockholm became a difficult choice that inevitably had to be taken. For a better future. For the health of his soul and loved ones around.

Until when Reka spoke with a gloomy face in the library room of her late father-in-law. "I'm still angry with Mother. I'm angry with you too."

"But already understand .. why your father can not be together anymore." The plan looked deep. "I won't make a meaning."

He breathed a sigh of relief. Because Reka finally can berapang chest accept her farewell with mas Tama.

"Marriage is the same with Pram. I can understand."

He took a long breath. While mas Tama massaging temples. A sign that the figure of the man who is actually still neatly stored in the heart is feeling dizzy seven circumference.

"But not going to Stockholm."

***

Design

Aran's birthday is on a merry note. Aunt Anja and om Cakra are really good at making interesting and exciting events. Until he could forget the anger for a moment.

He even laughed when he saw small children shouting in excitement and running to and fro chasing rabbits who continued to jump. Then smiled as some children swarmed the sheep with amazed faces.

Last night, he heard everything that Pram's father and father talked about. It turned out to be very surprising. Pakde Pram who has always spoken softly is nothing more than a annoying man who dashed the hope of your father can be together again.

So, even though I don't like my dad very much. But Pakde Pram's words made his heart feel sick. Because after all, you are still a father to him. He certainly prefers a father than to be with others such as Pram Pakde.

And the throwing of a glass against the wall showed the peak of the anger of the father he had just discovered this time.

Yes already. If it all ends here. Mom's dad really can't be together anymore. Kids like him can't do anything to change a parent's decision, right? I can only hope that my mother is happier even though she is no longer with my father.

Then dad? Does he want you to be happy too?

Maybe the answer can be obtained from the figure of a skinny, moody-faced boy who had seen earlier was aloof by the pool, Icad.

"Where are you?"

Icad was surprised and looked over. He looked back at the water in the swimming pool.

"Not to see you yet" Icad replied a few minutes later, as he was bored and almost left.

"Do we .. hate the same people?" He was acting to the point, because it seemed Icad was being lazy to talk to.

Icad turned back with a frown. "Do you hate your own father?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "You? Hate my dad too, don't you?"

Icad turned his gaze to where the little children were rubbing the back of the turtle. "The ugliness of our father, it's better if there's still someone. Every day I get to meet and talk."

Now replace the one who cringes.

"Even if it's a sprain, you can still see its face." Icad looked back. "Because if it doesn't exist, we can't do anything anymore. Kangen but can't meet. Not good."

Since childhood, he rarely met his father. It's no different than being left for dead, is it? It's more painful. There is still a father figure but it is like not having a father.

"My father still exists. But all this time I've been left to die," he murmured lightly.

Icad is back. "You still have a father but you're never grateful."

He was angry because he was accused of not being grateful. "Have a son! It's because my own father is destitute!"

Icad looked at him with a flat face. "Just talk to someone who doesn't understand."

He sniffed annoyed. I want to end this conversation immediately. "But you don't like my father. Wh why? Is it because my dad likes your mom?"

Icad grumbling. "That's a different business."

He sizzled. "The point is the same, don't you like it?" Then move on.

"But you should know" cried Icad as he walked away. It was grabbing the cat that happened to be passing in front of it.

"Your father is a good man" Icad continued.

Makes him grumble more. "Emang! Just knew?"

He walked quickly to the crowd. While holding a fat cat with fluffy and soft hair. Passed a number of small children who were surrounding the hamster.

"Mas Design!" Someone shouted his name. "Hamster's escaped one. Hihihi .. please catch it, please!"

He frowned at the sight of the little girl jumping around in excitement while waving her hands at him.

"This ... The hamster went into the bushes!"

He looked to the right and to the left before finally releasing the cat. Then walk over to look for a runaway hamster.

"Mas Design! You remember Sasa, right?" Excited the little girl who just called him while giggling.

Maybe .. now he knows the answer.

***