Renjana Dusk Kala
Extra 3: Elkommen till Halmstad
Design
Long nights of fear beyond any nightmare have ended. But the shadows about the stuffy warehouse, the dim bulb, the gurgling water, the muddy ground, the cabin in the box car, the tidal wave, the tiring journey, the palm fields dark and silent, all still perfectly recorded. Remain longer than the memory of anything he tried to come up with as an antidote.
Meetings with Sada at the police post, close embrace of the father in the hospital, crying full of mother's novelty, news about the capture of the kidnappers. Unable to divert bad memories that have scratched. Even with intravenous fluids that make him always want to fall asleep, not the slightest relieve feelings.
“Do not force, Reka.” Aunt Dara who came to see him at Sunbay Medical Center became one of the few people who spoke with a tone quite pleasant. Together with uti, aunt Dara accompanied him on the side of the bed without much asking except when offered a haul of food. “Let all feelings flow as they are.”
He did not intend to respond to the words of Aunt Dara, but the heart immediately agreed. Because as much as any pleasant shadow that tries to be remembered to dismiss fear, so far has not been fruitful. Instead, he felt more fear, confusion, and extraordinary anxiety. It was like wanting to vent anger, but not knowing who. It felt like protesting what was happening, even though he was currently in a state of fine state. I don't know, he felt confused himself with what kind of attitude should be displayed.
“What is currently the Design feel, everything is correct.” Aunt Dara said while tidying up her twisted hose infusion. “All is real, and the feeling exists not because of the fault of Reka. We ...” Aunt Dara took a seat on the left side of the bed, opposite the uti who had been sitting on the other side while arranging the blueberries into a bowl. “Tante, Uti, mother father, mother Pocut and father Pram, om Sada... all very understand what Reka feels at this time.”
It is said to open its mouth when uti offers blueberries. I don't know, aunt Dara and uti seemed to understand enough about what was going on in her mind. Om Sada was clearly the first person in the family to meet him and Sasa at the police post after they came out of the palm oil field. Mama Pocut, to this day has not seen him. He was quite aware that the stepmother did not follow to Kuala Lumpur because she was pregnant. While the sunken-eyed father with the appearance of tangled masai, just patted his shoulders and back every time he looked into the treatment room. He began to feel, the behavior of the father back to how it used to be when he was still living in Surabaya. Cold, stiff, speechless, also indifferent. Like a father who was not a father he knew while in Jakarta. But mother ….
“They can make room for all the feelings that exist,” speech aunt Dara cut off her shadow about the attitude of mother. “Space to understand and accept, although it may feel uncomfortable, it can be painful.”
“Because that way, Design little by little can be more relieved,” added aunt Dara when she re-opened her mouth to receive a mouthful of blueberries from uti. “Can be more accept the discomfort. Until the design is at one point, it can accept that what has happened cannot be changed. And the designer could feel that things were fine. There is nothing to be afraid of let alone worry about.”
I don't know what he's really afraid of and worried about? What are the bad memories of the stuffy warehouses and the dark palm fields? Or is the memory of hunger also tired during employment in the oil palm fields? Or the conversation your father overheard a few nights ago?
“They should come with me, Mas. I don't want my son's life threatened as long as he stays with you, Mas.”
“We asked Reka's opinion. He has the rights to__”
“I have more right to determine the best future for Design! He must come with me, live with me, and not be out of my sight!”
During that time, he could only sculpt behind the waiting room with a thumping heart filled with immortality.
“I don't want Reka to stay with you guys in a conflict area!”
“We will move to Poso city, open__”
“I still don't want to, Mom! What about Reka's school, her swimming career, her future? This is all for the sake of the good and happiness of the designer. You must not be selfish, Mas!”
“My God, Kinan!”
His feet took a step back hearing father scream. It's been a while since he's found Dad so emotional.
“How dare you talk about being selfish in front of me! All this time, who do you think is selfish?”
“I don't want us to fight, Mom. This is hospital.”
“Quiet, Tam. We talk about everything well.”
“This is a personal matter between me and my ex-wife! Outsiders are forbidden to interfere!”
“I can understand enough of your difficult time right now. But I'm Kinanti's husband! You have no right to be rude to my wife! Don't sell your arrogance in front of us! You may be a great leader of many men out there, but here .. you are nothing more than a failed husband and father!”
“Now turned into a judgment ground? Kinan, are you sure you want to involve your husband in both of us?”
His body bristled at the grunts of the father who was like a wounded bull.
“Enough, Mas!”
He immediately turned to leave to hear the mother's sobbing. With a hurried step walking towards the bed. The heart that was still injured became even more crumpled to hear the debate of the two people he loved the most.
Why can't mom and dad talk well and always fight?
“Theka?”
He was awakened to the call of Aunt Dara. “I-iya, Tan.”
“Tante bring this.” Aunt Dara showed her a colorful stork-patterned cloth bag, then took out a stack of manga, coloring books, color pencils, and other items. “Then Design is interested.”
Uti put a bowl of blueberries that stay a few grains on the nightstand. Then approach aunt Dara and pick up a coloring book in the top pile. Observe for a while by keeping the book from sight because you are not wearing glasses. Then sloppy, “Wah, latest series?” Uti then looked at him and Aunt Dara alternately. “Uti don't have this one yet.”
Aunt Dara smiled as she hugged uti. “Special for Mama has Dara prepared.”
Uti chuckles while returning Aunt Dara's embrace. “Yesterday ceu Rita take series to ...”
Unknowingly, he was almost carried away by the warming atmosphere in front. It seems that for a lifetime, he had never found the mother to be so familiar with uti as Aunt Dara had shown.
Now, he began to feel envious mixed with unpleasant.
No. gabe. He breathed a long breath with regret. Envy and bad heart actually brought him back on the night of the quarrel father and mother. Instead of calming, even more gnawing at his heart and feelings to crack into pieces without knowing how to survive.
“They rest a lot, so that they can quickly go home to Jakarta yes, baby,” whispered uti when hugging him to say goodbye to visit Sasa in another room. He did not understand the reason why they were placed apart, even though the treatment room he was in was very relieved, enough for two beds of patients. I don't know.
“Reply recovered, Reka.” Aunt Dara also said goodbye as soon as mother and pakde Pram entered the room. “If there is a brother doctor or sister doctor who does not talk, do not hesitate to tell ya.” Aunt Dara smiled. “They want to help Design through all, just like us.”
He nodded in understanding, feeling quite happy to meet Aunt Dara. Although he has not been able to relieve his feelings. “Still, Tan.”
After Aunt Dara followed him out of the room, he grabbed the remote to turn on the television. Pakde Pram offered him food, but he refused. Trying to drown yourself in front of a television screen that is airing a fantasy drama series on the Home Box Office channel.
“Wah, what is this?” Mother found a cloth bag with a crane given by Aunt Dara stored on the nightstand. “Comics?” Mommy smiled as she showed her favorite title manga.
He just sighed and refocused his attention on the television screen. When she sat down next to him, checked her hands and decided to help pick at his nails.
“I can myself, Bun.” He tried to refuse, but she insisted.
“It feels like a long time ago .. Mommy does not chopin nail Reka.”
He only glanced at the mother at a glance then re-located to the excitement on the television screen.
“Mother wants to be able to cut up nails Design until anytime. Yes ... Mother knows ...” Mother suddenly cut her own words and tried to smile. “They are already big, can cut their own nails, maybe even embarrassed if they have to be cut with Mother.”
“But ... can we both continue, Reka?” Mother grasped tightly the palm of her right hand that had just finished cutting the nail. “Mother doesn't know what happens if you lose Reka. This incident made Mother …."
He clasped his hands back at a glance. As a sign that he does not want the mother sad protracted.
“Mother can not live without Design,” added mother with a trembling voice. “Different from father ...”
He took his eyes off the television screen.
“Dad still have children besides Reka .. dad surrounded by many people here. But if Mother .. Mother only has a Design ...”
He did not say a word, including when the mother began to cry while kissing her hand. But he couldn't say anything when Dad visited at night. Because there were so many things he wanted to do to this gloomy-looking man.
“Tomorrow, Father and Sasa return to Jakarta. Mama misses you both. Mama can't come here because ...” During the conversation, I did not look at him at all. Dad seemed to be covering something up and trying hard to act like everything was fine. “They have a lot of rest, quickly recover so quickly go home to Jakarta.”
He has compiled a series of sentences, a number of questions, and expressions of disappointment. But not until the heart says it for the sake of seeing the figure of kuyu in front. Just this time he found Dad so tired and hurt. I don't know, he just ventured to say something else that had absolutely nothing to do with the anxiety that was pounding the heart.
Counselors who accompany her say the best way to get through the day after a scary event is to get busy. Aunt Dara has brought him many manga, but he does not want to read. A stack of coloring books also made it saturated. Drawing or writing was not interesting enough for him. While the hobby of playing rubik has not been fulfilled. The choice then fell on making origami, it seemed like it could be a distraction for anxiety.
Dad nodded. "Tomorrow Daddy bring it."
"Well?" he said it again before the courage disappeared and the opportunity disappeared. "Can you help me?”
“Sure, Design, Sure. What should I do?”
He felt quite relieved that he would listen to a little story during the kidnapping with the red-tailed child who gave him the bakpao. And he felt even more relieved when the father hugged and patted his back saying, saying,
“Don't think of anything else, Dad wait in Jakarta.”
If only he could choose to stay with his father.
But apparently, hope is just wishful thinking. In addition to the mother who at every opportunity always begged so that they could stay together. News about the danger of father's career that he accidentally knew. It is also the truth that you are surrounded by many loving people.
He could only be fixated on seeing how my father guided Aunt Pocut slowly from the living room to the room. He was stunned to find Sasa could only sleep if carried by father. He was amazed to realize how much Umay so obey every word father. And he was stunned to hear that Icad had called his father papa.
He tried to counter every attack of anxiety by immersing himself in the coloring book that Aunt Dara gave him. Trying to forget the moody face of my father when he invited him to visit the grave of Asta's sister. Busy yourself making a thousand paper cranes to dispel anxiety. Routine visit the counseling room which actually raises concerns. Be ignorant of all the chatter of the mother with Pakde Pram about the big plan to bring himself and Miko paklek and. About the management of documents, residence permits, school transfers, and other administrative complexities.
He can think of nothing and can decide nothing. So, when one day father visited the hotel where he was staying to ascertain his decision whether to be with his mother or move to Poso, he was only able to answer quietly ….
“Mafin, Design, Well ...”
Perhaps, this was his first time, he was crying like a child who was afraid of loss. Perhaps, this was his first time, he had hidden himself behind the shoulder of the man he had secretly respected. Perhaps, this was his first major decision that made the heart crumble dim. The real separation has not happened yet, but his feelings and heart have been shattered.
But behind all the sadness, he slowly realized one thing that had been forgotten, that whatever decision was taken and with whom he chose to stay, the sadness would remain. Because he loves both, nothing is more or less. And most importantly, he didn't want to lose any of them. He wants the three of them to be together, even though they can never be together again.
“This is not a fault of Design.” Dad patted his back. “They can accompany mother,” said the father while continuing to pat his back as if they were sharing a kink. “They can continue the task of Father who failed in the middle of the road. Design can take care of mother.”
He was once very angry with my father. He also hated father. He thought he could never forgive me for disappointing him by leaving my mother. But at this moment, he regretted everything without exception. He never thought that separation would be more painful than any anger or disappointment.
He, realizing the bitter fact that the existence of parents, regardless of the circumstances, whatever the problems that befall the family, always has its own place that is irreplaceable.
And his farewell greetings with father, as a marker if the turn of time goes faster. Bunda and Pakde Pram who left for Surabaya to take care of the transfer of the Miko package. He who chooses to stay in the house uti so as not to see people packing. The day of separation is approaching.
“Mas Design, why not pack with us?” Sasa's question welcomes his arrival and uti at Tomang's house.
“No,” he answered briefly as he approached the mama Pocut waiting at the door.
“Why not?” chase Sasa who was with Umay walking after him.
He ignored Sasa's curiosity, because he was chatting with Mama Pocut. He agreed when he was offered a meal. Because remembering the message in the car earlier, maybe this will be his last chance to be at home dad. Whatever Mama Pocut offers, she will not refuse.
“Papa said, Mas Reka wants to move abroad, yes?” Umay also asked when he was observing the condition of the living room that had not changed. It is still the same as in memory.
“If Mas Reka moved abroad, later that belain Sasa if Bang Umay jail, who?” Sasa jumped next to him as soon as he sat himself in the living room.
“Switch, Sa.” Umay answered. “Abang will not jail again to you, really. Brother already insyaf.” Umay came closer and hugged Sasa. “Abang wants to continue to have a sister like Sasa. Although Sasa sometimes nyebelin and ngadu, but Abang still dear.”
Sasa nodded obediently in Umay's confinement. But while tugging at his arm who was looking for origami paper in uti bag. The target made a thousand paper cranes unfulfilled, there were still many flaws. He must finish immediately before departure time arrives.
“If Mas Reka moved abroad, continued Sasa also moved from this house, can we still meet?”
He pulled out a piece of red origami paper while nodding. “Still.”
“Where will we find him? Have you moved together, not here again?” Sasa again asked while pointing at the origami paper stored on the table. “Sasa also want to fold, can Mas?”
He then nodded allowing Sasa to take a piece of origami paper. But can only answer the question of the sister with a slit. Because of the chat Mother and Pakde Pram who he accidentally heard, their move to Sweden is not for a year and two years. He hasn't really left, but he doesn't know when he'll be back.
“Mas Design for birds what?” Umay sat next to him.
“Bangau.”
“Why choose a stork? Not a tiger or an elephant?” Umay pointed at the origami paper on the table intending to ask permission.
He nodded in agreement. “Let our wishes be granted.”
Umay's eyeballs grew. “Do you think this paper can grant that prayer, Mas? Wih, good right ...”
“Not a paper crane that grants prayer.” Uti joined them on the sofa in the living room. “But there is a story behind it, a legend story. Umay want to hear?”
Umay nodded, and so did Sasa. “Sasa also Uti, want to hear.”
Uti then told the legend of a thousand paper storks. Until he finished the red stork he gave to Sasa. Then Mama Pocut called them because the food was ready.
When he began to take the side dishes to dine, Icad emerged from the direction of the living room with Mr. Agus. And immediately took the chair next to him.
“There is a cry for you in front of the fence,” whispered Icad between Sasa and Umay. “Name Kejora ...”
***
On the day of his departure to Poso, he asked for permission not to take him to the airport. He chose to wait at home uti while playing with Aran. He didn't want to look cry because he cried farewell. But as soon as Aran fell asleep after being tired of playing ball, and Cucun's tea was busy at the back, he could only stare at the lego roses given by Sasa.
“Mas Design don't forget the same Sasa, yes.”
Also the pyramid-shaped ruby of Umay.
“This was just bought by papa, Mas. It's hard not to be. I love Mas Reka aja make mementos.”
And a piece of paper painting from Icad. He counted nine people there. In addition to the faces of the six of them, there was also a picture of Pram's mother and pakde, as well as a man of stout stature above the clouds.
“That's my father,” Icad said. “I picture all because grandma say ... we are one family.”
He stayed longer in Jakarta waiting for the transfer requirements to be completed. He even had a vacation to Bandung with aunt Anja, om Cakra and Aran. But the most relief was, he managed to finish off a thousand paper cranes.
“Titip make installed in dad's new home, Om,” his door when handing a box containing a thousand paper cranes on om Cakra. Although he knew, the process of housebuilding stopped because the corruption case that dragged the name of the father still rolled.
He hoped that the existence of a thousand paper cranes could bring him back as far as he went.
***
Long flight Jakarta – Doha – Stockholm is a new experience for him. Pakde Pram then invited them to live in an apartment in the middle of the city.
“For introductions, Design, before actually staying here,” said pakde Pram. “The weather is unpredictable. Rainy morning, hot afternoon, quite cold temperature, allergy prone.”
A week later, they flew to Halmstad. The first impression was felt, quite pleasant. Wide and not too crowded highways, rows of typical European buildings, people cycling, a thick atmosphere of developed countries. But the most interesting is the neighborhood where Pram Pakde lives. The two-story house with a spacious front and back yard is the most pleasant view. The place where he will continue his life accompanied his mother. Just like dad's message.
"Valkommen till Halmstad, Reka," whispered mother while hugging her.
