Renjana Dusk Kala

Chapters 10. What You See, What I Feel

What You See, What I Feel

(What you see, what I feel)

***

Surabaya

Quintessence

Ten days have passed. Since he came home, and took his belongings.

He even intentionally marked every day. By crossing the sitting calendar, which is stored on the practice table. Just so he doesn't cross the time limit. In solving the problems between himself and Mas Tama.

And during that time, Mas Tama never attempted to contact or see him.

He tried to call Mas Tama. Because they want everything to be bright. But not connected. It seems like because Mas Tama's personal phone was completely turned off, while handling the conglomerate's death case.

As for calling Mas Tama's official number, he did not have enough guts.

Two more days, the birthday. But the distance that had already stretched between them, had completely eroded all his courage to nothing.

Especially since he found Mas Tama's wedding ring, which was stored on the nightstand. As if to be a sign, if Mas Tama had let go. There was nothing left between the two of them. It's enough to get here.

But, does he feel relieved?

No. gabe.

His chest just feels so tight. Stifled by mounting feelings of guilt.

Why should I feel guilty?

I don't know. He himself does not know.

What is clear, Mas Tama is not a typical bad-natured husband that must be thrown away. Since they were married, Mas Tama has never abused her. Never said anything rude to him or to Reka.

Mas Tama is also fully responsible for the lives of both of them, himself and Reka.

Mas Tama still routinely transfers a certain amount of rupiah to his mother, also Miko.

But married life is not just about responsibility and excess material abundance. There are hearts and feelings that play a role there as well. About love, understanding, mutual.

And his reluctance as well as Mas Tama to solve the problem completely, really became the most terrible boomerang. It became a time bomb that finally exploded, when Mas Tama caught him in the apartment with Mas Pram.

So, when the figure of Mas Tama suddenly appeared on the birthday of Reka. He's really cornered. No more emergency exit (emergency exit) left. He must dare to face, though bitter and pitiful.

"Happy birthday, Design."

He could only be stunned, seeing Mas Tama holding out a fairly large box-shaped gift to Reka.

"Thank you" replied the flat designer.

"May live a long life, be a devoted child ..." murmured Mas Tama as he spread out both hands.

But Reka just silently pecked. Not giving a welcome at all.

Making him take over the situation with a stiff smile, "Thank you, Dad. Thank you." Thank you."

Mas Tama looked at him with injured eyes. But a moment later, Mas Tama had joking towards Reka, "Try .. open the card."

The designer looked towards him for approval.

And as soon as he nodded, Reka also began to open gifts from Mas Tama.

"Gee!" almost everyone who was in the middle room clapped, when they found the contents of the gift brought by Mas Tama.

But Reka just put on a sour face while muttering, "I have two dong."

Sontak managed to make the face of Mas Tama's sumringah turn gray, "You already have a PS5?"

The designer looked at him in disbelief. Then said with a ketus towards Mas Tama, "Dad does not know anything about Reka."

 ---------

He put a cup of coffee on the table.

Favorite instant coffee brands Mas Tama. Brewed with freshly boiled boiling water. Not water from the dispenser.

But almost five minutes passed, since he put a cup of coffee on the table. The atmosphere is still quiet. Only occasionally was heard the sound of chatter and laughter, which came from the middle room.

The rest can only remain silent. While watching Mas Tama who was busy smoking. By putting on a stiff face.

"Mas still smoking?" he was trying to melt the situation.

Mas Tama laughed a little. Sounds cynical. Then muttered directly to the point, "He dared to come to this house?"

It is certain that Mas Tama will discuss the existence of Mas Pram in his house. Right on the birthday of the designer.

"I can't refuse guests" he replied trying to diplomacy.

Makes Mas Tama laugh again. This time it sounded even more cynical.

"He's the one who's designing the PS5?"

He shook his head, "They bought themselves. Use the monthly money from Mas."

The atmosphere on the back porch was silent. They still make the right sentences. Mas Tama was busy blowing white smoke into the air.

"Where is the development of the case of the conglomerate killed ...."

"Come on, Kinan," Mas Tama cut his sentence quickly. "We're just starting."

He gulped bitterly, "Where to start?"

Mas Tama again laughed discordantly, "Come away."

He massaged the nose that suddenly felt sore. While the sound of laughter was still heard from the direction of the middle room.

"I believe what I see" Mas Tama's cynical murmur set him up to explode.

"Did you ever understand what I was feeling?"

"Oh, come on (come on) ...." Mas Tama shook his head. "You want an A, I follow. You want a B, I'm okay. You want a C, please!"

"We never really talked about the reason why I chose A, B, and C" he said in anger.

"What's the problem, Kinan?" mas Tama's voice suddenly rose.

In that instant, the roar of her tears escaped unbearably.

"Mas love me?" ask him while holding back the sob.

Tama looked at him not understanding.

"Dear me the same?" ask her again while challenging Mas Tama's gaze.

"It's basic like you know ...."

"It is precisely because the basic thing must be disclosed!" he said half screaming.

"I was wrong?" Mas Tama looked at him sharply.

"OK," Mas Tama quickly continued. Raise both hands to the front of the chest. "I was wrong. I'm sorry."

It shrinks the nose and corners of the eyes with rapid movement. Then take a long breath. Until his chest tightened feels more tight.

"I can't understand what you want" said Mas Tama, grinding cigarettes into an ashtray.

"Maybe that Om-om can be more understanding of you," continued Mas Tama, pointing towards the middle room with a hardened jaw.

Her tears almost broke again.

"I give up," Mas Tama looked at him regretfully.

"What matters is that you and the designer are fine," continued Mas Tama while looking at him fixedly.

"So .. who is going forward. You ... or me?"

He frowned at Mas Tama's question, "Forward?"

"Who's going to divorce, you or me?"

***