Renjana Dusk Kala

Chapter 99. Without You What It Means, Without You It Feels Hollow (2)

Without You What It Means, Without You It Feels Hollow

- taken from the lyrics of the song titled "Tanpamu" popularized by Tetty Kadi-

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Days Without you

Jakarta

Pocktail

With trembling hands he immediately contacted Tama. As much as possible beat the nervousness (and fear) in order to briefly and clearly explain how UHT milk boxes filled with red sheets of money can be in the living room. Then (unintentionally) it was opened by Umay.

Tama listened to him speak. Does not cut speech even though the explanation is long-winded and most likely sounds confusing. Tama didn't even say anything even though she had finished the story. Tama just let out a long breath then fell silent for a moment. Yet he could feel an aura of indignation so real.

"M-sorry ...." He knew he had made a mistake that could have a bad effect on Tama. And it all started from his excitement in attitude.

He also recalled the words of Ingrid during the counseling session the other day. That the boundary between powerless rejects because of feeling bad for others naively tends to bo doh very thin. That over-prioritizing others to adversely affect yourself is not a justified trait and attitude. Must end soon.

"Empathy can be evidence that a person's heart is still alive. But empathy that is too high will make us overwhelmed. Over time we can become emotional sponges, too easily absorbing the negative energy of others" Ingrid explained.

"As a result we become too sensitive and exhausted ourselves. Not good for mental health. There must be clear boundaries. You have to dare to say no. You should be able to reject the request of others if it feels burdensome. Never force yourself to others."

In this position now. It is as simple as not until the heart refuses the gift of others but is fatal. Very uncomfortable and disturbing at the same time.

"I want to be ready," said Tama brief and stiff. Absolutely not caught the intention to discuss this incident again. "More tomorrow morning."

A few nights ago through a video call connection Tama had time to tell a story, if her husband was given the task of presenting scientific writings that have been formulated together. Representing the learners of high officers in joint struggle activities between the TNI/Polri attended by the highest officials of the Police and the TNI Commander.

"Wait for Devano to come. Let him take care of it." It was the last sentence before Tama hung up the phone unilaterally.

Now he sits in the living room with his mind stirred by the mosquito. Stare blankly at the UHT milk cardboard that has been torn so that it can show its contents. Hot money.

Just this time he felt fear, worry, anxiety, and regret jumbled into one. Besieging and surrounding him then curling and smashing him mercilessly. Terribly scary. He does not know what to do, what to do, or how to behave.

And it is not the attitude of silence full of anger Tama that makes him suddenly feel so tired. But the existence of embers in the form of tribute money in the house that threw it into helplessness.

Hope is one and the only one. That may good destiny still overshadow them. And hopefully what has been outlined is not as scary as imagined.

"Come, we'll eat first. The food's cold." Mamak immediately led the children to the dining room as soon as he saw him sitting down lunglai on the living room sofa.

"Well, you're not eating?" But Sasa even sank spoiled in his lap. "Well to eat with Mama."

He was just about to answer but Icad first grabbed Sasa's hand. "Eh, Sa! Don't you want to carry it?"

Sasa immediately nodded in agreement with a glowing face. "Digendong while running, huh, Bang? Keep going around the dining table first, only Sasa wants to!"

Sasa's clumsy voice was accompanied by Icad's carefree laughter as well as Umay slowly sounded away from the living room. While mamak, before moving could wipe his arm slowly. "Many istighfar."

He sat dumbstruck waiting for Devano's arrival with an uneasy feeling that could not be covered. His heart was breaking like it was being slashed. Repeatedly muttering istighfar tried to calm down. Accompanied by the sound of water gurgling coming from the aquarium ornamental fish owned by Tama. Not at all aware if from earlier there was someone who noticed from behind the living room divider curtain.

"Good night, Mother. Sorry, stuck in the street." Devano and Alfian appeared almost an hour later. When he was almost hopelessly wracked with disturbing emotions.

Without saying much, the two young men immediately tidied up the torn cardboard.

"N-not counting first?" Tanyanya nervous mixed bo doh. After all he never knew the actual number, so why should everything be counted?

"Is nothing taken, ma'am?" Devano asked back.

"Well." He was getting nervous and bo doh. Remembering a wad of money that had been raised Umay up high. "But it's directly put in the cardboard again."

"I don't think it's necessary, Mom." Devano. Prepare to cover the marks with tape. "Lotter knows better."

But Alfian had another opinion. "Make mastiin."

And his knees instantly went limp when Alfian mentioned the total amount of money in the cardboard. A great deal.

He was still digesting the nominal mentioned Alfian with a dizzy head while Devano filmed the entire activity of Alfian counting the contents of the cardboard as well as tidying it again.

"Mother, we ask permission to return it to the sender first." Devano raised the UHT milk cardboard which is now neat as before. "After that, just get back here."

And he could only stagger as Devano explained Tama's orders, which gave the two young men special duties to keep watch at home.

"From Monday next week, there's the officer himself, ma'am," Devano said. "In the meantime, Alfian and I were on standby. Filter out which guests can meet Mom, which ones can't."

He waited for Devano's return restlessly. And began to be able to breathe a sigh of relief when the young man said with complete confidence. "Duty done, Mom. I reported it to you directly."

"Will she accept?" He asked curiously. There was still anxiety, though unfounded.

"Originally refused. But after we explain, we can finally accept" Devano said. But the next speech sounded quite surprising. "Things like this are frequent, ma'am."

"During his duty to accompany the father, we have become accustomed to taking care of the return of gratification" Devano continued, smiling. "Father is indeed a role model commander."

He was very grateful that the problem was finally resolved. But until midnight, his eyes could not be closed. Even though she has been wearing a dark blue t-shirt owned by Tama who had worn her husband when visiting the house some time ago.

"Mass?" And for the first time, though a little awkward, he contacted Tama first. Want to make sure if Tama does not keep anger with the events today.

"Yes?" Tama's voice sounded raucous like a person who had been asleep for a long time.

"Well you're asleep?"

"Udah," Tama replied briefly. "Talk tomorrow, yeah. I'm sleepy."

But strangely, as soon as Tama closed the call, before long the drowsiness began to hit. He immediately positioned himself by hugging the tiny body of Sasa tightly. It seems, hearing Tama's voice can be a panacea. The heart felt calmer until slowly he began to be lulled into dreamland.

The next day as soon as the children left for school, he immediately prepared in front of the television screen.

"Sir Agus, please find this ...." He mentioned the name of the official media owned by the police who aired directly joint struggle activities between the TNI/Polri in Sespimpol.

And he can breathe a sigh of relief because Tama managed to perform in scientific seminars with impeccable.

But the relief is temporary. Because just before leaving for the Astana tower following the first session of the second level, mamak gave him news that was quite surprising.

"Ella wants to borrow money." My face looks uncomfortable.

He nodded. "How, Mom? Want to transfer or cash?"

Cing Ella and her family were like brothers even without blood ties. They have helped each other every time they have trouble.

"Sepuluh juta." Mamak menatapnya ragu. "Sangat banyak."

He swallowed. The profit from cooperation with Persada Appetite has exceeded ten million. But what remains in the balance is not that much. It is used for capital turnover and others.

"I told Mas Tama first," he said sure. Her husband will most likely not object if they help Ella.

My mom still looks at him. "Ella needs that kind of money to help Tamsir."

He knows Tamsir as the only sister of Anwar cing who lives with his mother in Kalianyar, Tambora.

"About two weeks ago Tamsir was in an accident." Mamak was silent before returning with a regretful face. "But Ella is not happy to ask Tama for help."

And he could only be privileged when mamak mentioned that the Tamsir family had to give up some money to close the case. Exactly as cing Minah complained some time ago.

Suddenly, he missed Tama even more. Without the man's existence on the side, it made him quite overwhelmed. It is like flying in space but with only one wing. Fatiguing.

"This Friday we went to Bandung," he said when tonight Tama did a routine call him before going to bed.

"Well, forward? How's design? Friday's archery schedule isn't it?" Tama's voice sounded cheerful as usual before the UHT milk cardboard incident occurred. But Tama did not discuss further. Every time he tried to question, Tama would avoid the reason, "This must be chatted directly. Can't do it over the phone."

"Policy. Coach went to accompany the child who participated in the national competition in Pontianak."

"Asshiiiik." Seloroh Tama is like a child. "The suffering is finally over. I can see my beautiful wife."

They left after Ashar so as not to get stuck in traffic. The plan was even picked up directly to school.

"Drug, Design!" A girl with a butterfly clasp was seen waving at the car they were riding in. "Met a holiday in Bandung, yaaa!"

"Cie .. cie .. Who is it, Mas?" Anjani who was cradling dekgam immediately teased.

So did Umay and Sasa giggling. "That's Mas Reka's girlfriend, huh?"

"No!" Answer Ketus.

"What is open ...." Anjani is still tempting even though the dekgam whines and wakes up because of hearing the loud laughter of Umay as well as Sasa.

"No, Auntie." The designer looked back before wearing a favorite headset and immersed in his own world.

Just like Tama ordered her to. "Kids take a break at mom's house. The road to Lembang must have been jammed. Pity the children for being exhausted."

Sasa had launched a protest because he did not want to separate from him. But Agam tried to persuade with the lure of later tonight the road to the Mall that there is ice skating.

"There's a giant trampoline too, Sa." Anjani persuaded. "Seru deh, we can be satisfied to play jumping. Play together later."

As soon as Sasa was successfully destroyed, he immediately headed to Lembang. True as Tama said, the trip to Lembang spent two hours more. When he was holding back nausea after passing the uphill and winding streets, then Mr. Cipto pulled the wheel to the yard of a hotel located on Tangkuban Perahu street.

"Thank you very much, sir," he said because Mr. Cipto went straight home to my mother's house. "Congestion again."

Mr. Cipto smiled. "It's normal, Mom."

The breeze of the night wind and the bone-chilling cold air immediately greeted him as soon as the car door opened. He who only coated the tunic with a thin sweater began to shiver coldly.

A hotel attendant who greeted him in front of the entrance smiled amiably. Then direct him into the lobby to the antique brown-carved sofa design where Tama is sitting waiting.

"Pale kok?" Be the first welcome Tama sees. "illness?"

He shook. "So the road is winding. So a little nauseous. Same ...." He held a hug to himself. "Cold."

Tama laughed as she took over the tote bag from her hand as well as grabbed her shoulder. "Where the hell, not yet dikjain already nauseous first. But be calm, inside we will not be cold."

Tama took him out of the lobby to cross the garden to separate buildings such as cottages. During the walk, Tama continued to grab her shoulder. While he closed himself to Tama's chest because the cold air felt more bone-chilling.

"Cold, huh?" Tama tightened the clench as soon as she felt the reaction of her body shivering with coldness.

Then Tama invited him to enter a brown wooden door with the writing of the suite room on the wall. His eyes were immediately greeted by a vast expanse of brown wood floors that felt warm when stepped on.

"We eat first. Let there be energy." Tama had glanced but was ignored because he was seriously paying attention to the entire contents of the room.

There was a very large bed there. The television is wide. White sofa in the corner. Two chairs and a table in the middle. Which is now being filled with a number of delicious dishes by the hotel attendants.

Tama directly eat gurame fish soup with white rice with greed. While he only scoops soup as much as three times the mouthful.

"Not eat?" Tama frowned seeing him pull over the bowl filled with gurame fish soup.

"Thank you" he answered honestly. His stomach really felt full even though it had not been filled with food since noon. When he stopped at the rest area, he only ordered a cup of warm tea while the others ate.

"Still nauseous?" Tama pushed a plate of apple pie that looks still warm. "Eat this try. Delicious."

He complied by cutting off the tip of the apple pie a little. It turns out that it tastes delicious, sweet fitting, crisp outside and soft inside. It did not feel like in an instant he had finished two pieces of apple pie.

After the prayer, he immediately curled up on the bed. Climb in a thick blanket hoping to dampen the cold a little.

"Hey." When he started sleeping-asleeping chickens, someone touched his shoulder. "I'm not here to see people sleeping."

But he really felt helpless. Even opening your eyes is hard. His body was tired and tired.

"Pity." The Tama that he had originally felt full of excitement suddenly held back and chose to grab him into the embrace. "Fuck off?"

He nodded. But a second later shook his head. Suddenly I remembered that they had barely met for a month. Tonight was highly anticipated by Tama. "Byeah, Mas. But sorry .. I'm like this, yeah." He allows Tama to complete the wish. But hinted if he could not compensate for Tama's touch.

Tama chuckled while peeping her forehead. "Udah .. sleep. This is how happy."

"So Sasa protest not ka-time"

He could no longer hear the words Tama said. Because the drowsiness is very successful in sending it to dreamland. He could only feel someone kissing him deeply. It feels so fun and soothing. I don't want all this comfort to pass.

But Tama is still Tama. The dashing man with incredible energy managed to get him to bend his knees many times in the morning.

"Never sport, for sure." Seloroh Tama when he gave up and left just because of a touch. "Bicycle not used?"

He shakes shame.

"Start tomorrow, yeah. Ask to be escorted with Devano."

He looked at Tama whose forehead was decorated with several points of sweat. "Is there any sport other than that?"

Tama chuckles.

"That can be done at home." He felt uncomfortable cycling on a busy highway passed by motor vehicles. Afraid hit.

"Yesterday Grace nawarin yoga together." He ventured to get rid of the ends of Tama's hair that fell around his forehead. "Hilda nawarin ...." He remembered for a moment. "Pi la tests."

"Grace with Hilda from private school?"

He nodded.

"May if you like." Tama switched to stroking her hair. "Swimming is good too. Go home to mom."

He stopped the activity of removing the tip of the hair on Tama's forehead. "Can't."

"Can't do what?"

He grimaces. "Fear water. Fear of drowning ...." Suddenly, his memory was on someone. However hurriedly shifted it back on the dashing face in front.

Tama smiled. "Seek tajarin Design. Have a swimming athlete's child to take advantage of."

She smiled before deciding to change the topic. Talking about everything that concerns water always reminds him of someone. And he did not want to be unfair to Tama by presenting the figure even if only in memory.

"Why did you choose to be what you are today?"

Tama frowned at hearing him shift the subject. But then, soon after, smile back. "Following the idol trail."

"Setyo sir? I-I mean ... p-papa?"

Tama nodded. "Why? Is the milk cardboard incident still bothering you?"

He's Tama. Which is often right guessing the direction of someone's conversation. A true detective.

"Is there anything else coming? The children in front of his work are not very smart if there is still someone who escapes you."

He shook. "No, Mas. All safe. I just ...." He ventured to touch Tama's sturdy jaw which was decorated with black dots because he had not shaved. "May we remain strong at all times."

Stare at him. "Every profession has its risks. It's one of my risks other than betting on losing a life."

He looked back at Tama. "Sister-in-law cing Ella's accident."

Tama looked at him more and more.

"The family was asked for a sum of money to close the case." He stopped the sentence for a moment waiting for Tama's reaction. But her husband was flinching.

"The story is exactly the same as Cing Minah." He looked at Tama who was also looking at him without pause. "The amount of money is also huge. A motorcycle accident is not a car."

He sighed before venturing out to mention the numbers. "Fifteen million, my. How much does a motorcycle cost until the money to close a case is that big? Is it not pity? Already the victim is still being extorted by the party who should be protecting?"

Tama traced her cheeks using her fingertips. "You know the full story let me follow up. Pungli like this should be muzzled."

"And tell cing Ella. Do not doubt if there is a problem. As long as I can help." Tama's still tracing her cheek line.

He looked at Tama with his eyes glazed over.

"You should know, people like that are everywhere, whatever their profession. Utilizing the difficulties of others into a source of income," continued Tama while continuing to browse his cheeks.

"People who come to our homes and hope for help will always be there. Although we try to take care of ourselves," continued Tama again.

"You need to be ready. Maybe in the future it's more than just milk cardboard with money." Tama took it deep. "We live and face this together?"

He nodded with his face pressed against Tama's chest.

"When I was a kid, I saw people coming to my house almost every day." Tama continued the story but he began to be unable to concentrate because nausea suddenly attacked.

"They're carrying envelopes or cardboard ...." Tama chuckled but she was trying hard to resist the nausea. "It's money. It turns out that the millennium is still using the same way."

"But I've never once seen papa receive anything from the people who come to the house." Tama kissed the top of her head deeply. "Everything was brought home again. That's why a-"

"Mass?" He tried to break away from Tama's arm. "Want to go to the toilet for a minute."

"Why?" Tama looked at him sharply trying to figure it out.

But he could not stand it anymore and hurriedly ran to the toilet. It feels like he wants to vomit all the contents of the stomach just still stuck in the esophagus. None made it out.

***