Renjana Dusk Kala

Chapter 21. "Can I Hold It?"

- taken from the lyrics of the song titled "Lost Taste", sung by the band ST12-

***

Jakarta

Tama

"Totally shit (fucking shit)!" muttered Armand though without a laugh.

"Never thought before (never thought of it)," he was quick, trying to reason. While trying to avoid discussing things that can make his head pulsate again.

"Pretty wild (fraud)," cried Armand cynically.

He returned laughing. While grinding cigarettes that have shortened into the ashtray.

"Living together in bondage in the name of God with someone of a different social class. It's only in movies and romance stories don't make sense" Armand said with a serious mimic.

"In reality ... you will find it difficult to adapt" Armand continued. "It's very difficult."

But soon after Armand just laughed cynically, "Your crazy huh! Could be interested in the widow's own brother-in-law! I don't think there's another girl Tam ... Tam ...."

He sizzled no less cynically, "How dare you (how dare you - by the way so to the cave-)!"

Armand was still laughing, "Lu just experienced shock cause your ex (shock because of your ex). And now you're still in the denial phase."

"So, please (so, please) ...." Armand shook his head. "Remotion release you can find another way that is more worth it (deserved). Not my own brother-in-law."

He grabbed a bottle of mineral water stored on the table. Sipped it up the toilet. Then sizzle lazily, "Lu lecture kayak gini also to duo R?"

As they all know, Riyadh is the owner of the most winding love story among the six of them. Finally it was anchored to a girl who was much different than the ranks of the former. Especially the gap (distance) age is quite striking.

While Rajas is almost crazy due to the charm of the girl who also comes from the middle of nowhere.

"Riyadh is different thing (different thing)" Armand denied, shaking his head.

"If Rajas ...." Armand raised his hand. "I'm out (cave of red). He's the kind of fool that can't be told."

He's snapped. Without thinking a bit of slurping, "I'm in (gua join - with Rajas-)!"

"F uck you (fuck you)!" maki Armand however while chuckling.

Then they both fell silent.

He chose to circulate the view around the tent. Where the guests who still survive look in the middle of a fun chat. Including the two most attention-grabbing figures, Salasika and Lavanya. Who was talking to the wife of one of the leaders of the sector.

"So before it's too late, gua saranin .. stop it right now (stop right now)," hissed Armand broke the silence between the two of them. Making him immediately take his eyes off the soft and warm body language revealed by Lavanya.

"So the cave met at Persada's Appetite ..." he muttered involuntarily.

Armand looked towards him not understanding.

"My off limit woman (my oldest woman)," he continued, with a smile.

"Oh, fucking shit (fucking)!" Armand. "From the cave talking about the same wind dong? To the extent that your head is just him."

He laughed, "Oh, dear (honey) ...."

Armand exhaled a long breath, "Lavanya out (out)?"

"Yep!" he nodded confidently.

"Tomorrow the cave knows again .. the same more than Lavanya," Armand bargained.

"No, thanks (no, thank you)!" he nodded with more certainty.

Armand hissed cynically while continuing to shake his head.

"He's working as a secretary now ..." he muttered completely indifferent to Armand's annoyance.

"Not bad (not bad) when associated with your theory earlier. About what ... caste?"

But soon his laughter exploded, "Come on (come on), Mand! People as cool as you are still debating about social strata."

But Armand was interested in something else, "How come (can you)?"

"What?" he asked back not understanding.

"Widow is a job as a secretary? How come?"

"Oh ..." he laughed heartily. "Shut your fucking up your fucking mouth (shut your fucking mouth)!"

"Lho?" Armand frowned not understanding. "It's a widow, right?"

"Not good to hear," he grumbled. "Just said (say it) ..." he thought for a moment. "My pretty woman (my pretty woman)?"

"Unbelievable (not to be trusted)!" sahut Armand cynical.

But a second later Armand was even broken, "Architect, VP (vice president), and now (and now) .. most wanted general. Fall all the same girl from nowhere (the middle of nowhere girl)."

He just smiled briefly. Not intending to respond to Armand's taunts.

"G luck (hopefully successful)," Armand shrugged unconcernedly. "Make sure your fuel and ammunition are full tank (full)."

"Because you will face both your parents, your sister, your son, your brother-in-law, the widow's children ...."

For this one he nodded in agreement, "High risk (high risk)."

"Very bad (very bad)," muttered Armand regretfully.

"And may you not forget" continued Armand in a warning tone.

He was curled up wanting to know.

"Riyadh and Rajas. Just because of the girl from nowhere" Armand said solemnly.

"May you don't have to play around with lives like the two of them."

He reflexively swallowed the saliva to hear Armand's warning. Then he cursed, "Fuck! You nakut-nakutin cave?"

Armand shook his head, "What can you be afraid of?"

He grumbled, "Lu has never been in love!"

"Never suddenly like someone. Let alone differences, logic is not the way," he added ketus.

Armand nodded in understanding, "So .. The widow had something interesting. Can't walk?"

"Stop call her a widow!" his grunts were annoyed to hear Armand's designation for Pocut.

But Armand just hissed no matter what.

Makes him breathe long and heavy. Trying to think about things, which makes him act impulsively like a bo doh person at the same time stupid.

And the shadow of a little girl laughing cheerfully, talking in such a pleasant manner to him, acting as if she needed him the most, suddenly flashed across her head.

The sasa?

He took a long breath again. This time it felt heavier and deeper.

He was definitely not the kind of warm, pleasant guy. Even tend to be stiff. Proven relationship with his own baby is still at the nadir point. Far from being hopeful about the warmth between a father and son.

But the accident that occurred at Papa's house during Aran's aqiqah event. Completely overturned all the theories about the cold character and his feet.

He can suddenly turn into a superhero for a little girl he just met. Without hesitation, without awkwardness, as if everything was going on by itself.

"There are still many more beautiful and attractive than her," muttered Armand again stopping by her ear.

"More easy to get. Risk is smaller. And you don't have to go through the people closest to you."

"Your family."

"Gimme a reasonable excuse (give the cave the most reasonable reason)," urged Armand.

"Let the cave remember well here ...." Armand touches the forefinger directly above the forehead.

"Who knows you'll need help recalling later .. The main reason you decided to move forward."

He breathed a long breath for how many times. Look up at the stage with bright eyes. While his ears catch the strains of the song that is being displayed.

"Can I hug him

Making stars in Heaven

Give color that can

Makes beautiful ....

I can't say

I can't afford to reveal

Until now

(ST12, Flavor of Left Behind)

He shook his head tired with a throbbing head that felt quite familiar, "Have no reason (no reason) ...."

***

Pocktail

The night felt so long. From the beginning his eyes even continued to stare at the ceiling of the room. Can't be shut down at all.

The shadow of the person who had just caught up with him to the pantry was disturbing and distressing.

"Where's his hand?"

"Udah treated?"

Many times he gripped himself. Trying hard to get rid of the shadow of the person who makes his heart like a storm. Rampaging mixed no reason.

He got up to look at the calendar hanging next to the closet. Scribble the date today with a red marker. As a sign that he has spent 18 days working at Persada Appetite.

There are 5 days left. He'll finish everything soon.

Back to the house. Best life. Between the kitchen and the keude. While continuing to rotate the brain, how to avoid people who are still coming.

Remembering it all made him move to the front of the closet. Then tiptoe trying to pick up the box stored on top of the closet.

The box, made of transparent plastic, was bought at a Bang Ahmad grocery store. As a place to store all the most meaningful memories in his life.

He sat himself on the bed slowly. Try not to wake Sasa. Then begin to open the box cover with great caution.

His eyes instantly captured the photo album at the very top of the pile. Followed by her sewing course book. And some of Bang Is's notebooks while away from home.

His hand stretched out to retrieve Bang Is's thickest notebook. The last notebook that Bang Is took home. Before going back to work and never coming back.

A thick book that feels cold, moist and dusty when it touches the surface of his skin.

While smiling, he opened the button with a black-coated book hook. The first book contains a photo of him. It was taken the first time he came to Jakarta. Where Bang Is took her to Monas.

He smiled back. Swiping 3R photos that almost fade on each side because of age. Watching the image of her smiling self in embarrassment, with the skirt and veil cloth expanding in the wind.

Beloved wife.

May God take care of you wherever you are.

So the sound of a row of letters written right at the bottom of the photo.

Make him hurriedly open the following sheet with trembling hands.

The second sheet, containing photos of the children as the three of them were already able to fall on their stomach.

Mamak always reminded him to immediately go to Uda Imran's photo studio near the market. Each time found the children had been smoothly lying on their stomach and rolling themselves.

"For mementos," Mamak always said.

He rubbed a picture of his three children with eyes that began to heat up.

Teuku Rishad Isaac

Teuku Umair Isaac

Cut Rumaisha Isaac

May being a swinging qurrota (soul conditioning) and an eye light for father and mother, benefit as many people as possible.

One tear escaped. Falling right on the paper of a book that is not covered in photos.

Make him rush to flip the sheet. For not wanting to linger reading the handwritten lines Bang Is about their children.

The third sheet contains the biodata Bang Is. Name, date of birth, population number, passport number, blood type, home address, address of labor supplier services abroad, contact number that can be contacted.

He smiled back. Bang Is always preparing everything with detail and slick. Except for leaving forever. Bang Is didn't even say goodbye to them all.

How you are, Bang.

He now has to bite his lips to hold the stuffing that almost escaped.

While shrinking the nose that began to water because of crying, his hand re-opened the following sheet.

February 1, 2xxx

Gulf of Guinea, off the coast of Benin, West Africa

Bright of Benin ©

Beware (watch out)

Beware the Bright of the Benin (watch out for the bright of Benin)

For few come out though many go in (because few come out, though many go in)

His hands were moving to cover his mouth tightly. Trying to hold so that the stuffing that comes out is not too loud heard.

Brother, brother,

Even with his intelligence, it is difficult for you to get a job with a decent living in your own country.

And because he was no longer able to withstand the roar of tears flowing like a flood, he hurriedly closed Bang Is's notebook and hooked the buttons. Then keep the black-covered book at the bottom of the box.

But before actually closing the box and save it back to the top of the closet, he had reached for a photo album that was in the top pile. Photographs of their family.

Now he has laid himself on the bed. Keep opening the photo album. Looking at photos of Icad, Umay and Sasa as they are smart on their stomachs. The same photo as the one in Bang Is's notebook.

Then the photo when they and their families went on picnics to several places around Jakarta.

Also photos of when Icad and Umay circumcised.

And lastly is a photo of the two of them, himself and Bang Is. Photo at the entrance of Ragunan Zoo. Spontaneously taken by a traveling photographer.

In the photo he was laughing, while Bang Is was blowing his two eyes which were then entering dust.

He again had to cover his mouth tightly with one hand. Trying to make the stuffing that comes out does not cause a commotion.

As he looked at the photo, he whispered in his heart.

"I'm proud to be Brother's wife."

"Even though sad .. but I'm proud Abang fell in battle®. As you always aspire."

"I'll wait for you to come pick me up."

"I'll keep waiting."

"I'll take good care of the kids."

He tried to convince himself. Keep biting your lips hard.

Slowly his body began to get tired. Real tired. Getting tired. Following his soul that had been tired for a long time.

But he did not feel asleep. Because his eyes can still see the condition of the room very well. A tall man was standing right at the door.

Instantly make him gasp, "Abang?"

The tall figure with the calm face was smiling.

"Did you?" she came back crying.

"Children need a father ..." muttered Bang Is softly, but it could still be heard clearly.

At that moment he immediately shook his head firmly, "I want to wait for Brother."

"I want us to be together again there," he began uncontrollably.

Bang Is took a few steps forward. Then kneel in front of the bed. Until their eyes can be connected to each other.

His glass-filled eyes and soothing eyes belonged to Bang Is.

"Loen ferociously ngon gata (i love you) ..." whispered Bang Is.

But instead of answering. He shook his head again strongly.

 

***

Remarks :

©. :quoted from benin-direct.com

®. : fighting field here means while making a living for the family