Recycling

The Second Network

I left feeling nervous, braving myself to meet Wapta. With a certain step I try to keep hiding the hope that I still hold within.

The hope I believe in is a reality that can change my life.

Wapta smiled at me. There was a light of happiness that I saw when I met him, but now I am different. I am not like before, I who usually talk a lot, now even become quiet. Stiff and cold.

I don't want it as if the feeling I'm harboring makes days crammed full of lamentation. That's what I can't divorce, I can't separate.

It seems Wapta seems to be trying to understand the situation, I think he understands my situation now.

He still looked at me with a look I had a hard time translating. “Why? Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked with a nervous feeling.

Wapta smile. “Nothing. Oh, yeah why did you meet me and the other day I tried to call you, but you didn't answer my phone and after that your phone can't be called again.”

When asked by Wapta. I don't want to answer honestly, when I imagine it, it feels like I'm in a daze of indeterminate expressions and feelings, difficult to control.

I just reasoned that my phone fell into the water. Yes, it is true, falling into the water from being thrown. I made up another story to Wapta, saying the phone fell into the water because I was walking near the river, suddenly accidentally I slipped. That's the reason I gave you.

Sorry, I lied.

“Because that's why my phone broke, actually it was my own fault that was less careful when walking near the river,” I continued lying by showing a smiley face without the slightest guilt that I hope he believes in.

“Pantesan, I contact no response at all, so that's the cause?”

“Iya, forgive me.”

Sorry for lying to you, I'm guilty.

“Forget about it, nothing. Oh, ja. I have something for you, Nar. It's a book for you.” Wapta gave me a thick looking book.

When I first saw her, I was so happy. How could I not be happy, that book was so long ago that I wanted to buy it. At that time, my money was always used for other things so I always forgot to buy it.

Today, I stared at the book, picked it up, “This book, how can you know, I have long wanted to buy this book.”

“Oh, yes. I don't know about it, Jazu said you like to read, he suggested I buy this book for you.”

When I heard Wapta's words, I immediately guessed that Jazu deliberately planned this for me. Because back then he knew I had loved Wapta for a long time and he also knew I didn't dare to tell him my love. Is this the way Jazu also did his play. I don't know why he's meddling in this.

With eye glare. I can't lie to anyone. Wapta, do you know how I feel, the feeling of far away soaring into the sky.

Your smile blooming today awakens this skill in self to carve out the best word I can say, the word of love I made as perfect as possible. As perfect as the sky sends down rain. In reality, nothing in this world is perfect.

Wapta, I'm happy to see you smiling today, back to my sad feeling of thinking about you, now it's as if something is approaching me.

“Thank you, Wapta.” I began to read in front of him, flipping through the pages.

Wapta smile. “Iya, equally.”

We finally separated again, the wave of Wapta's hand was still fresh, neatly stored in memory.

I kept remembering the meeting that only lasted about three minutes, I don't know what made me like this. Could this be love, or is it just the rhythm of a lie that makes the feeling waver with a sense of unwelcome.

“Ah, fuck. Again I daydream about something that messes with the mind.” I snapped inside after the sound.

I was constantly arguing with myself who knew what hurt was like. The pain was very painful, even so I tried to stretch my chest, calm my mind, again the turmoil came to the heart of a young man like me.

After dusk disappears with its characteristic. The twilight that originally showed a yellow light loomed over. Now, the night of the stars came with this breath of silence that struck my heart, I decided to go to a garden, sitting on a bench near the trees whose leaves were shady.

I froze to the light of the garden lamp that seemed to follow the rhythm of this heart, it twinkled like a heartbeat that pumped the blood point of ending love and affection.

I let out a breath. The atmosphere was so calm, I sat down to reflect on the events that had passed last afternoon.

While reading the book that was given to me this afternoon Wapta. The book as if symbolizes love that will be the most beautiful memories and stored neatly in memory.

That's how much I appreciate the gifts of others, all this time I never received anything from others, a single gift never.

Just this time. There are people who give something to me, especially that person is the woman I have always loved.

Just where the taste continues to grow. I often ask myself. How to turn off this heart-piercing taste. The book was still tightly grasped with a firm grasp, I continued to grumble in my heart. How sad!!

The sharpness of a broken child is as if tested by a wall so thick, so thick, a wall made of very sturdy steel, impenetrable by an ordinary broken child. While the broken child has thrashed to want to speed quickly.

Too bad, the archer like myself hesitated to throw it, I still held the broken child, squeezed it hard, chose to stop the arrow target. Then, I realized that if I didn't let go, the broken child wouldn't have dodged itself into a woman's feelings and heart.

The bow that was directed towards the target, now I throw it to the ground. In fact, the arrow was already broken within his grasp. I know the cause. Doubt, that's why I don't dare to say feelings.

The night passed with a fast time, I left the park bench, choosing to return home until I arrived in the room, I laid a very tired body.

I lay tired of thinking of the word love that was very burdensome to the mind, making the sorrow that was so painful I felt. This sadness is prolonged and I don't know when it's going to end.

I hope tomorrow morning will be better than today, I also hope that tomorrow morning I can forget the events that I felt yesterday.

I know it all depends on how much I remember. If all is forgotten, the sadness will not be felt.

Even though I knew the dependency, I somehow couldn't just forget it because I might have a strong memory of whatever I've been through.

The book notes neatly tucked away in that closet trace every step of my foot in the direction. I wanted to throw away all those notes, but this feeling was hard to throw away.

In fact, all the photos with Wapta are still neatly stored on my phone. I sighed, trying to be grateful with a airy heart putting down a phone that looked still with the screen on. Put it in the closet.

I intend not to touch her again, as I have given to Wapta. The phone has been broken, be like that. Make that reason make sense.

I will truly assume that the phone has been damaged, I will also try my best to forget the memories with Wapta that I can understand. I can't write down many words that can express my feelings sincerely.