Recycling

Missed Building

Talking about this life is sometimes tiring and maybe some of you will feel dizzy seven round spinning stars in his head, said Jazu who almost made me laugh. The look on his face was just as funny as a bakpao that deflated. It was after some time that we met in the summer that the sun you know was overhead and didn't know why there were no clouds, the sky was completely blue.

I can now only remember all that in one time called people, memories. Long, which made me speechless, silent without sound in silence.

This flurry of self did not protest much anymore, how could it happen on a gloomy day. Now I can only stare blankly at the sheet of paper that I don't know it doesn't care much, the afternoon the note I threw away, the evening I picked it up and I kept it in plastic.

It was as trash as they said. And strangely enough I went back to pick it up. Actually for what? I was equally confused, actually not knowing what I picked it up for, if I explained there was a little guilt for what I had written, just before seeing a lion on television, he said, my inspiration came like music on a comfortable mattress, asleep and unable to roar.

Terrace and cold.

What story did I want to write at the time? That's the question in my mind slamming the chair in the sense of writhing longer sitting quietly muttering, frowning slightly rubbing it.

My inspiration is gone, the lion on television has run away with advertising drinks.

There is no inspiration anymore, for now want to start, there is also no element of meaning that I can describe. More tired, this is just a chaotic writing.

Wrestling longer sitting on a chair, busy daydreaming until unconscious the paper is now filled with graffiti, my hands move on their own without I want. My eyes are really sleepy, yawn and sleep what I want now.

However, these eyes never go to sleep, why is this difficult? I asked the wall, man. To whom else would I ask, there is nothing I can ask.

I'm back to messing with hair. Itchy, I feel itchy like there's some kind of dandruff with lice that I don't know why I'm upset. The ringing of the alarm I heard for the umpteenth time was like the blow of time that struck my chest, warning and hinting at something about challenge and strength, about sports activities on holidays that have no activities.

I almost killed myself that day. Nothing can make me more resilient than remembering the past that has ended up being a pile of threads. It has been tangled and is also useless to remember. I should forget it and throw it away from my life, but it is in a form I cannot throw away. In a form I can only remember.

The same day I tried to kill myself. In a matter of different dates, when I began to want to jump from the height of the building, I never thought that when Lita Aksima incarnated a pigeon and perched on my shoulder, the pigeon was chirping so sweetly that I thought he was beating the flute.

I fell silent and canceled my intention to jump from up there. In my own mind, I questioned the astonishment about the pigeon that was sitting on my shoulder, about why he was singing and like he knew my situation.

I stared silently at the bird that never flew and continued to hum, even when I touched it, it was tame and did not fly away from me. I saw into the sky a shadow that pierced the sunlight, it flew through the sky.

The pigeon also flew, in the blue sky I looked at it exactly as the pigeon turned into a faint female figure for me to see.

Some time after that he disappeared and Lita Aksima just patted me on the shoulder right behind me, when I turned to him, it almost made me surprised to know that he was behind me.

He appeared suddenly, just as the shadow was gone before my eyes and he explained that he was the shadow I had seen before.

He gave me a saying that I never even thought was as if snowflakes were extinguishing a fire. Extinguished, my previous intention of wanting to kill myself became obsolete. I feel like I'm back to life in a new realm.

“With everything you said, I want to thank you, Lita Aksima.” That's what I told him. Thanking.

Thank you infinity and for the umpteenth of a kilometer. How I used to feel tired of living, wanting to kill myself and he was there to stop me. I thought about my life no one cares anymore, who cares? They just look at me without much they know about me. And behind all that is still there, there is still a shadow that cares about me.

“Actually you don't have to thank me, Narak. You should know that this life is sometimes not in line with thoughts and visions. You have to be able to adapt and adjust.”

“Didn't man be created with different abilities, then you shouldn't be sad about this life, just that you don't understand. Maybe right now you feel like no one cares about you, but long before that some people in your life have proven it and you can clearly see that they care about you. It's just your thinking that hasn't changed much. When you're sad, you pile up problems so you don't feel like you're covering things up by yourself, you even assume no one cares about your life, but that's not the case. It's just chaos that currently exists in your mind.”

Lita Aksima explained many more things to me. Many of the explanations I almost remember are the same as what I've heard from mouth to mouth. Those who act wisely, that's what I mean.

Often I ask in my mind, what if they feel the same way as I do. It was easy to say and difficult for me to live.

I was as if I was given a piece of hot coals that made me want to be closed. Quietly waiting for an answer and regarding all this, I decided to apologize for my entire life.

“I apologize for my whole life and about all that, I have heard a lot. It's just, it's hard when I'm running it how can feelings survive the complicated problems of my life?”

I was speechless in a soft voice earlier calling the complicated matter in my life ....

All this time I acted smart in composing words. In fact, it's all just nonsense that doesn't make me know much. The real trash is my attitude that wants to rehash.

The laughter was still fresh I remember, how the trashy sentences came out with their laughter that was so easy like a road without obstacles, like a sea without waves. Memory that makes me almost feel restless restless, not necessarily direction.

“Can you kindly answer my question?” I come back, asking.

Lita Aksima shook her head slowly. “I can't answer your question, but in this condition you have the right to find the answer and I hope you can find it. Later, the moment arrives and as time passes in a matter of time or not long. I can only hope you'll find the answers to everything.” Lita Aksima no longer seemed to provide a solution.

He probably already knows who I really am. I had a feeling that I had no right to live and it was better for me to choose death.

But the reality I saw. The shadowy figure stopped me? The building was even like it was about to slip. A failed building takes its toll, a teenager like me can only breathe a sigh of relief. The building slipped and I survived without any injuries.

Lita Aksima said to one of life there is called laughter happiness, there is also called laughter sadness. When someone laughs at their past. Seeing the eyes of every one laughing. He will no longer be busy telling others at length how his real life is and will no longer feel sad. After all, he was able to laugh at her.

I really want to make it clear that me and them are very different. They were able to laugh at him, it was for me who did not care much and hoped to forget him or remember with a variety of words that I made beautiful and full of masks of falsehood.

Even I am amazed by those who are able to deal with it and make it a light image of the umpteenth image, especially the image can be removed and forgotten easily.

Though I once laughed, it was a person like me who was inconsistent, feeling it was a laugh for the umpteenth hundred lost wishful thinking.

Who is the trash? That's the answer, I'm the trash who wants to go back. I mean cowboy stories last time, said the script editor, trash stories are just written by scum writers.

I admit defeat in arguments and he was right. I am the trash that should not exist and about this attitude, about all the things that exist in this life. The building slipped, thank goodness I didn't fall.