Recycling

The rain of fog

Heart that felt turbulent, I stared into the narrow room. When it was really a little troublesome it felt, I don't know why I couldn't explain it any longer, simply put I just left the daily routine, but why did it feel so different?

Moreover, this item was much different from what I saw before, for me to throw out the trash was too easy, now the wind was blowing carrying this messy word, but was so deformed by the inequality of the existing grooves.

Words written for some reason are not always beautiful, they are carefully written, the result is still ugly. Yes, it is for what reason to discuss something that has no benefit at all.

I've had enough of feeling like a writer by writing a lot of words per day, it's enough to let myself know about being tired when typing it, but writing is my hobby, he said, although I am tired I will not complain about all that, even time feels fast passing, the mind is calm and loose without any burden.

I have long thought there are things that need not always be said, sometimes according to what is written in a set of words make curiosity increase, sometimes that is how the day passes.

***

Dusk has come leaving noon. The rain began to pour down all over the layers of self-excitement, a scene that looked different from the original walk. The twilight came greeting along with the heavy rain which strangely went hand in hand with the thick fog, enveloping the plains and the expanse of worldly illusions.

I daydreamed sitting in the yard holding the book I had been carrying with me wherever I went. I don't know what has happened to me now as if I was trying to remove all traces I've stepped on.

I often do block cade against my tracks, the traces that originally walked with people close to me. I know everyone has a life, I know it's not appropriate for me to be by their side.

But I cannot complain, even if the whole earth never thinks I exist. For some reason, when strange feelings came to me, I felt like I was being thrown to an empty island or I was considered a stone that could not speak. It was thought to be nonexistent by the people around me.

I have no parents who can freely pour their hearts out to them. Wanting to always feel close, grasping tightly the hands of the mother, also hugging the father. Look, all this time I've lived quite knowing the pain that makes my tears flow for that reason, the reason that makes someone weak, can not determine the direction of the footing.

Close to the yellow light, I looked towards the northeast, at once I ran as fast as I could, running with full energy without caring about the fatigue I felt.

When running it feels like I want to know how strong I can keep going, how long this leg can keep speeding without complaining.

I sighed, gazing towards the sky, along with that time feeling as if it appeared no man, I stopped my footsteps, trying to understand the meaning of the word running.

“What am I running for, am I attracted by something that has nothing to do with me?” I asked quietly in my heart, arguing with the desire to run.

I was confused by everything I felt, confused by everything that had happened. I wanted to show you one precious thing in my life, but to be honest what is precious, nothing at all.

No, the possibility of all this is just an uncertain illusion, an illusion that comes to disturb feelings. I have to be totally conscious for now, not wanting to dwell any longer, not wanting to convey something I don't know I don't understand.

I seemed to hear the sound of crows squealing on the surface of the horizon, flying across the universe. The eagle was flying freely, not like me who could not fly, this self was still asleep, unable to wake up from the dreams of horror and gloom. In fact, I can't answer why I had nightmares, I'm still crying and sad, but I know this is how life is. I've come back so many times faded without reality.

This self seemed to meet the day that looked like a dragon was spewing out a mighty lightning, as it confused me even more, and this was enough for me to learn the meaning of the word that rejects the mind. Words that cannot be digested and thought about. Is that what's taking my mind right now? Maybe not, I have no reason to grumble in annoyance.

I enjoyed the day as the rain that fell along with the thick fog enveloped the view, the more real it felt like I was confused, like I had no meaning in interpreting life. Young people who have been so different from people.

I decided to go back inside the house, throw away all the files I had found.

Word files that look irregular, mixed everywhere, writing that I originally wrote with feeling. However, constrained by my inability to write down many things, many things that I do not understand very much.

***

The house phone rings ....

At that time, I was cleaning the house, sweeping the room. I'm also picking up the phone now.

“Hallo, who is this?”

“This is the wife of your newly married friend four days ago.” I heard that voice clearly a woman. Remembering four days ago, it was my friend's wedding.

I was already confused by the day I passed, more confused again to hear a woman who had a wet voice calling me. Gosh gosh? what's the matter, why is that woman calling in such a voice?

“What is this, mbak? why does it sound like you're crying?” many spontaneous. I have no interest in rambling it feels like I want to just slam this phone because it interferes with my days that were initially confused, also curious what is there, o.

“My husband is now in the hospital and is in a critical period, he said something to me, he wants to meet you.”

Gosh gosh? I was shocked to hear such news, I then asked him where the address of the hospital was located and I had to hurry to go there.

The woman inside the phone in a wet hoarse voice replied, saying the address details. At that time I drove with my own vespa. Crossing the road at an endless speed.

However, I never thought, never did I want, when I got to the hospital, I was one step late, my friend was out of breath, the heart monitor shows a straight line which means the breaking up of worldly life.

The biggest possibility I had when it happened, in the seconds I ran into the room, opening the entrance violently, he said, I was hoping to meet each other and talk one last time with him, but I'm sorry friend, I'm late to see you.

I don't know anymore now, why would something like this happen? What cause? As I was questioning things in my mind, I could not say anything more, I fell tightly into my friend's arms who seemed to be smiling, and now the sadness in my heart enveloped the room. A friend who has always been there for me, always accompanied me when I needed advice.

Friends who have always shared stories of joy and sorrow together.

My friend's wife who was near me also seemed to be saddened, I looked at her who was covered in clear tears like falling pearls.

At that moment, I asked why this happened? why did my friend enter a critical period and I did not know at all about this matter, there was not the slightest news there was nothing.

My friend's wife looked at me slowly, then explained in detail the actual incident, it turns out my friend has long suffered from heart disease, the last time has been given by the doctor, the doctor said, given the uncertain results of healing.

His wife also did not know about this, but the incident one day ago, he said my friend suddenly fainted and fell down, he as the person who saw it was shocked, directly taken to the hospital.

When he got to the hospital, when the doctor explained that was when his wife found out about my friend's illness.

Even at the last moment he said my friend apologized for hiding this, hoping his wife accepted with a spacious heart.

I remember what my friend said the other day, when he said, “Maybe this is the last day we met.”

“Friends, it turns out that this is what you said four days ago, forgive me for not knowing, if I had known, then that day I would have spent the last day with you too,” my words in my heart while holding hands. My current feelings are so sad, so sad at the loss of a friend who has been with me.

Death is in the grasp of the divine with which a human-like being can do nothing, just wait for that time to come. I cut my face, hiding the sadness I felt. This is life, when I feel down, there are other things that make me worse.

One thing, I have to be patient, however the day goes by, I have to be patient.

***

The atmosphere of the funeral was full of flowers and prayers, I could only send a prayer so that my friend would be happy in nature. When everyone left the cemetery.

I stare in silence, staying faithful to the book of treatises in my hands. I continued to read the surahs I was going to send him, as long as I had not finished reading them, I would not leave. My friend, I still need my help dealing with angels.

During the Surahs I read. My friend will be safe and well, may he have His heaven, I will not let out lamentations, only tears of farewell. Because after all this is life again, then I must be strong as far as I can go.

At exactly four o'clock in the afternoon, I left, before far away from the place I looked back, staring at the tombstone with sadness, leaving his wife who seemed to embrace my friend's tombstone.

Actually I don't want to disturb his wife, let her have a chat with her husband. I walked away from the cemetery with tears falling. A moment to wipe it slowly and hope my friend will always be happy in nature there.