Recycling

There is no best

In the dining room that I now sit with my grandparents, eating food. It was like laughter and togetherness. The three of us stared at each other peacefully. Waiting for a time when the sun shows its light.

Still morning. If you want to not mess up first. Must smile a lot. It was the word of the grandfather who seemed to guess my inner content that flashed somewhere, flying with millions of words that fell from the sky to the ground. I added the word 'must' there. Different than before.

Grandfather when talking sometimes like to waste words and sound less clear. Only sometimes, not always so, grandfather explained things at length. It also depends on his desire.

When I ask why it is less obvious and often a waste. Grandpa smiled saying, “Man, grandfather threw away a word that for grandfather himself was unnecessary, you've gone to college, Man. Surely grandfather believes you must understand and do not need a more detailed explanation is not?”

I nodded, and sometimes it was grandfather who often said half-middle things. It makes my head hard to understand his words.

I don't know why I realize I feel about myself which is also sometimes the same as grandfather. Perhaps, the offspring that caused it all and was purely unintentional. And one more thing, about the words I intentionally blabbed. I liked it a little bit when I said.

At a glance, the word arrangement that turns back does not bother. Amberadul, a little weird. In more detail I don't want to go into length, it's certainly tiring, eating a lot of paper.

Trying to write words better, more comfortable to see that makes the sanubari calm is a matter of writing that I have always wanted to continue to practice until now. I don't care if it takes a lot of time or not, this is what I like right now.

The moment where I felt the calm, gentle wind was not long-sighted looking at a smile. Good for me on the subject of confusion or pleasure.

I'm empty alone. Until grandpa patted my shoulder. Gosh gosh? Bummer.

“Man, are you upset?” Grandpa laughs. Breaking my reverie.

“Grandpa noticed you daritadi looked dreamy.” He went on to say that to me it was grandfather's prejudice.

The right prejudice. That's right, what grandfather said was right, I was daydreaming for a moment of loss of consciousness.

Although when eating my hands move, but my thoughts at that time fly somewhere? But again, Grandfather mistakenly thought, I was not upset just to remember the figure of Wapta that still hung beautifully in my mind at this time.

It was as if my body was on earth, but my heart and mind had wandered away from the body, floating on the surface of the sky.

I'm sober. Shoot laughter. “I'm not daydreaming. Grandpa was sok tofu.”

Intended to joke a little. Kututurkan's tone in such a way as to perform an entertaining charade, who would have thought that grandfather stared not laughing.

“If it's a chronic disease that you have to cure as much as possible, Man.”

I stared back laughing, trying to beat the wishful thinking that spewed out a sense of unwavering.

“Galau? Haha... Grandpa joking?”

My laughter filled the room. Trying to make the most of laughter as I can.

“Hoo, no. Man, the look on your face shows you're forced to laugh.” Grandpa looked at. He was currently sprinkling salt on my head. Oh, golly?

Puyuuh, for a moment he sighed. A little scratching my head, the salt was strewn full on the sidelines of my hair that I had previously combed neatly. Itching felt, scratching the head occasionally looking for vocabulary in order to be able to trouble the speech of grandfather before.

“Well, why are you quiet now, man? Right what grandpa said, man. You're upset for thinking about that woman, aren't you?” asked Grandpa with a look on my face that made me awkward.

I didn't answer. Nervous plus awkwardly filled my head. Grandfather momentarily stared out the window. His eyes focused somewhere?

“Man, grandpa want to ask what is best for you today?” Grandfather further asked averted his eyes, now staring at the watch. I don't know what that means.

For me the day goes on from morning to day until it ends at night, meeting tomorrow again. As long as it feels like I have never felt the best thing in life that I can feel in every day, also in every pause of time that I am currently thinking about.

Grandpa laughs. “Then do not need to be discussed again, after eating quickly you leave, later late.”

I nodded for sure. “Iya, that's what I currently want, leaving early.”

Grandpa smile. “For your future, Man. Fight for what is best for you today, if nothing then think about what is best for you, Man. Listen to Grandpa for a moment talking about your love that is uncertain direction, someday it might lead to disappointment. So, before that time you meet don't expect too much from the woman you love, Man.”

I quietly listened. What Grandpa said caught my mind's logic is correct. What's best for me today? Nothing for me. I seemed to live in a pseudo-shadow, silent to expect a clear Wapta figure that was not in my sight.

And I seem to have found a pile of word files as well as the best sentences I've been trying to string together in my life. Words that become sentences to paragraphs, spend a moment to remember longer.

About a glimpse of the word that is inserted between the middle of the row and the end is equal. I found the secret at the end of the number twenty-one.

The letter u at the end of the word miss.

Miss, the letter u which is in twenty-one alphabet is inserted at the end in this channel. Longitudinal beam line with arch, forming a description.

Grandma talking to grandma. I heard silence telling me the reason for the woman I love, nothing more than wishful thinking.

Grandma looked at the smile. Ask me what I went through while I was in the lecture hall. Silent sound, the desing of the parable boils down in scattered pieces or fragments.

Listen, what I felt at that time there was never a single thing that interested me in the world of teenagers. I had no interest in looking at him for longer, except for the book sheet I always opened back and forth. That too without long reading, more often daydreaming in the fantasy of words that end empty.

Hot weather walking in the desert I once felt in my face. Not a little sweat was dripping. Feeling the heat without sweating.

Grandpa laughed again for a moment. Staring firmly with the eyeballs like the radiance of moonlight. “Narak, listen to grandfather for a moment. You now I call Man it's all there's a reason, right?”

Yes, there is a reason. I know Grandpa once explained why. Now, what did grandfather mean to ask me that again? Confusing.

“Man, you look like your father. Where she met your mother doesn't think love matters. Indeed, love that meets bind him in a marriage contract or do not have a continuous memory until someone met death.”

“Man, you want to keep reminiscing without having to pick you up? Think, Man. How many women are there in the world?”

I quietly listened. As if a fist had hit my face, no earlier on about what was the best in my life, it felt like grandfather was widening his speech in a direction that made him pensive again for a moment.

Then staring for sure. “Grandfather, I don't want to be like that. When the time comes, I think it's right that I will express all my feelings to him, now grandfather must believe that my destiny is indeed with Wapta. In fact, as long as I live breathing, during that time I will always ask and plead to God, not just once, but a thousand times as many, the prayers that I send specifically beg and plead.”

Grandpa smile. “Man, all this time Grandpa never forbid all anything you live in this life, grandfather knows you can live it yourself, he said, but grandfather just wants to give you a picture of the worst possible that will happen and you have to face it, prepare yourself to accept it with a heart and a mind that is airy that maybe someday, someday, your love for that woman will be preceded by others, you harbor a feeling that even that woman does not know about your feelings.”

I pensively waited for a moment. Thinking about the words of the older brother this time again, again and again has a point. All this time I was alone lamenting my longing, the turbulent taste that had peaked into the sky.

I never thought about the worst possible situation I would face. Right now I was sighing heavily, my heart was shaking feeling a pain that I felt was a little strange.

Why does this hurt?

I say the question sentence inside. Feel for myself what I feel.

This to me is like a finger that was once pierced by a thorn, leaving only a pain that does not bleed because I closed it immediately with wound medicine. The pain that seemed to imprint did not disappear.