Recycling

The Fairy Tale Kingdom

Lita Aksima said a lot about me and about life. I asked how can someone live their life? Face the storm of life and live it with a smile. The word Lita Aksima is with one word that is grateful. That's what he told me.

On top of the tower that was right in the middle of this rice field, I did not answer much, I could only listen while staring at the green expanse there with a turbulent feeling that felt like a wave in the middle of the ocean. Whahuh? It was my feeling that was already domed, but well next time I will choose to try to stop explaining how I feel, it will be said more and it is not my style. Occasionally on other occasions it will remain domed because it is my characteristic, although I will think about what kind of humidity will be so as not to impress alay in the eyes of people who do not like it.

The editor of the script also said, the man looked at the content of the feelings, unless it was important, but this is my life. Easier, I live it according to the level of my ability to stand and soar without bringing anything in my hands, whether this success or failure remains the same.

Then and now, I am still me, who, although now has changed from being cheerful and talkative, talkative to being a quiet person, chooses to listen more to everything. Drama hundred sentences. It's okay, man. Actually I also know where the lining is. Where the evening changes night, where the night changes morning until the day changes. A lush plant and a gust of wind rippled near my ears. Even if I get mixed up I can hear everything.

The same complaint. The screams of a struggling heart screamed out loud.

It almost killed me in a complaint. Almost desperate to get through the day and meet the harsh reality I never wanted. Wanna how? Lita Aksima said life is like the tides of the sea. There will be waves there too.

The scattering of wind and rain filled every void and air of life both peace and chaos of mind. This means nothing more in a record of my life, if at length I explain maybe yes and maybe not.

Lita Aksima gave me a smile that I saw that reminded me of a lover named Wapta. I miss him. For all the memories that have been in my soul.

Their smiles are almost the same. Lita Aksima's face is similar to the woman I've always missed, I've been silent for a long time waiting for self-assurance in things I don't want to explain.

Lita Aksima looked at me with every word she said, every detail of that sentence was like a pearl of beauty ratio. I who did not understand with his gaze, could only remain silent while listening carefully and focused gaze ahead. Looking at the blue sky.

After a lot of talk, he stopped for a while and slowly touched me.

“Time not felt. After all this time, do you still love her?” Lita Aksima's soft voice was heard asking.

One question Lita Aksima I heard with a warm look while giving a smile. For now if you can't ask me about my love for him.

Wapta, all the things in my life are only for him and about this how many times I will explain how many times I thought it might be a lot of boring, not for me. But for people who have a critical sense in evaluating all this. I who only attach importance to the feelings in life and my breath, all of it will lose with their certainty in criticizing all the writing I write.

In the words of Lita Aksima.

I'm nodding. “Regarding that.You yourself may already know the answer. All this time, I still love him. For me she is the only woman who will never be replaced by anyone and right now either. I am also confused why and what reason I love her so much until now, I should have been able to forget it after that incident that has long passed.”

I explained as much as I could to him. The fictional character in front of me was a listener who turned out to be different from the previous one. Like much different.

He used to be very thin and a voice like a man, do not like the word love and so on. I who was with him was feeling uncomfortable, every time I tried to get close to him it always ended in a blow that made me feel like I was not appreciated and the ending of it all I knew he had a lover and I decided to retreat, leaving without permission, without telling me where I'm going.

I'm just saying goodbye to an old tea gardener, a farmer. She gave me a decent living quarters and food that looked like her own granddaughter. In the morning, I left to leave Lita Aksima and now I meet her again.

On top of this tower, Lita Aksima. I still love Wapta, even though I used to say things I shouldn't. You're among the missing pieces. Sorry, that day I forgot to put down a story about you.

“I still love him to this day.”

Lita Aksima smiled. “Really? You love her, then why do you still choose to harbor your feelings, why don't you just want to be honest with her? For me frankly it's better and won't make you like a dazed person anymore, you know all this time I've been watching you through the old tea gardener's story.”

I was shocked when I heard it. Old tea gardener? I was confused how he met her.

I reflexively rubbed my head. “You can watch me through the old man?”

“Iya.” Lita Aksima nodded, far from what I was thinking.

How could he possibly have noticed me from just hearing news that even that news was not necessarily the truth. “Then what did he say?”

I decided to ask about what the old tea gardener had said, more precisely the tea leaf farmer, my curiosity peaked.

Lita Aksima chuckled for a moment, I asked why? He said there was nothing. “Say you're a strange man!”

Wise old man, he said that to Lita Aksima and I don't think it's wrong to justify his words.

I laughed softly after hearing it. Lita Aksima continued to grumble with her thin speech. I finally gave up.

The distinctive features of Lita Aksima from the past can not be denied, she is like a shining sun while I am just a star that is far from the solar system can hardly match the sunlight. Dim, little star that can't do anything.

“Pak knows it's true, old man it's not wrong. Even I don't know why I myself until now it's difficult to understand about myself, let alone others. They won't be able to understand and I think that strange name is indeed appropriate for me.”

I explained while grinning by looking at him for a while and looking down at the tower. “Nothing to worry about, Lita. I'm still the same.”

“Why are you talking like that?” Lita Aksima asked in surprise.

Maybe my explanation was too long or what? I don't know and don't want to know why. Knowing uncertain reasons makes me almost like a madman asking questions without any definite answers. She's a Lita Aksima that I can't refute.

“Nothing.” I smile.

Giving a certain vocabulary in a drought that is difficult to explain.

Choosing to think quickly to switch the topic of conversation between us, the previous topic was quite vulnerable to make me upset. Question in my mind.

“You know now where we are?” Kupun decided to ask, actually wanting to change the topic from before.

“You are still the same as you used to be inconsistent with your words.” Lita Aksima chuckles. He didn't answer the question I asked him before.

I was surprised to hear it. When I first met him, I never thought when he knew me? Wasn't he the first to say he didn't want to know me, so why and how could he possibly know that? I decided to ask again. “Since when did you know me?”

Lita Aksima smiled. “You are a habit. Looks like you didn't listen to my previous words, try to remember.”

“Hmmm... Your previous words? What's it?” I don't want to think more, think harder for what?

It was more convenient for me to ask questions and without much thought. That's simple.

Lita Aksima put on a sullen face that I knew that from a long time ago. “Narak, you never listened to me before. A mangapa? Is that how you ignore me with that weird attitude of yours? You can never appreciate my feelings.”

“Then I want to apologize to you because as a man, I can't appreciate your feelings. Forgive me for not knowing all that and all this time I had trouble understanding the feelings of others. Not just you, but all the people I met, among them little I could feel and more empty.” I explained with guilt.

Lita Aksima turned her face, looked at me saying don't be. He finally forgave me on one condition never to repeat it.

I just found out by now that Lita Aksima doesn't like people who say sorry without the slightest change after that. Sorry is said repeatedly and the perpetrator later repeats the mistake. Regarding that, I simply gulped when I heard it.

It was hard for me because my habits from the past until now are not easy to lose.

Lita Aksima walked slowly. On top of this tower is a pretty high. The fields looked like white clouds with blue horizons there, even a flock of birds flapping their wings. Fly through the sky.

I looked at him. Lita Aksima walked slowly and turned her back to me with a lowered gaze, looking down.

“We haven't seen each other in a long time, Narak.” He looked back at me. Her unraveling hair swayed and moved touched by the wind.

“I know all the stories about you from tea leaf growers. The old man I mentioned earlier, you know that old man seems to know a lot about you, often when I don't have activities to go there and ask a lot of things until I ask where you went after we met that day, just about that he doesn't know or maybe he's reluctant to tell me.”

Lita Aksima explained, the tea leaf farmer had known me after a long time ago and he had a conversation, I never knew that he told about me to Lita Aksima.

“Time has been as long as it continues to pass, it feels fast and does not feel it has been that long. I thought that day you had chosen your destiny and started a new life with that man, and then I decided to leave. I thought about how I might be among you. Being in a third-person relationship? Isn't that something annoying and inhumane?”

I explained to him the reason for my departure away from his side. When he said that he had been proposed to by someone else and spontaneously kicked me out.

I saw Lita Aksima's eyes start to water. He rubbed it slowly. “That's you, Narak. You give up so easily and you choose to run away from the reality that you can't get, when I used to just test your patience and about your seriousness toward me, it turns out that after you found out about me and you decided to leave so easily.”

I looked down, feeling guilty. “Sometimes I just feel less worthy.”

Lita Aksima directly slapped me in the face, a little sore! I held the cheek that was slapped. Wh why? Why did he slap me, was he angry?

“When you love a woman and choose to say it, make sure your heart really loves her, never give hope to a woman who turns out you yourself are worried about your feelings.” Lita Aksima looked at me while wiping her tears.

“You're right, Lita. I was wrong, on the other hand you know I need to prove my feelings to someone right now, it's about him. The person I have long loved in my life in reality.”

Like a thrown stone, gone. I feel unworthy to look at Lita Aksima. Why do I still love a woman who has not been by my side for so long? I also don't know the reason, Lita Aksima is right, I myself am worried about my feelings.

“Yes, I know. That woman is Wapta, right?” Lita Aksima asked, as if making sure.

I'm nagging. “And I ask you for help, give me an opinion on all this, whether you can give me and make sure that the feeling I've been holding for so long when I told him that I love him, is what I love him, then my question about it will she receive it?”

I really don't know how to. Lita Aksima has something I know from the beginning she's an expert. However, he seemed to shake his head.

“Don't you ask me that, Narak. Do you know I'm not good at giving opinions, but you just have to believe that behind someone's sincere feelings. What comes from the heart will be conveyed to the heart, however later you find her expression in responding to your feelings. Perhaps, he does not accept your love if you come suddenly or he accepts you, secondly it is a risk to the person who loves.”

“If I were him, I wouldn't accept a strange man like you.” Lita Aksima continued her words. This one sounds more serious while straddling.

It made me want to laugh with the look on his face that seemed to mock me exactly as it used to be. “Yes, that's your opinion I can think of for now.”

I continued talking to other things to reconcile the awkward atmosphere between us. After previously mixed, now began to slowly change the atmosphere into a cheerful joy. Lita Aksima's face perfectly expands her beauty.

“Did you see the palace there?” Lita Aksima pointed to the magnificent building.

After a long time talking to each other, we looked at each other towards the magnificent building of the palace there.

It's like a fairy tale kingdom I never knew where I was now. I used to write a story about all that, but I undo it so easily to break the pen I was holding, my head had suffered from a pain that I felt dizzy.

I'm nodding. “Iya, I saw it.”

“Come, we'll get there. You know, Narak. My dad would love to look at you.”

“Your father? How does he know me?”

“On that, didn't you write that cowboy story? You need to know my father was a cowboy you wrote that until he married one of the king's daughters and now he's the one who inherited his kingdom, you don't know? Though you are the author who wrote the story about my father's struggle wander.”

Lita Aksima explained and I muttered that in my mind. The cowboy story I just remembered, but what's the real connection to all this? I thought that Lita Aksima was a fictional character that I wrote about the mountain region, tea leaf farmers, abundant natural resources covering tea leaf plantations that are so extensive accompanied by gold mining.

How can it change now, that cowboy turned out to be his father? Who is now a king? I don't remember what I wrote?

I remember writing that cowboy story, it's just that it wasn't finished, my script stopped when the cowboy wanted to answer the words of the new guy mocking him. Cowboys who want to defend themselves that I can't explain through writing. Until in fact I threw it away, choose another story and the script was completed.

And Lita Aksima? I remember he was the son of one of the bosses in the gold mines. Why is this story so messed up, as a writer I feel guilty for everything. What am I gonna do? Will this story be reworked with the determination of my spirit.

I used to not have much diction in choosing vocabulary and writing it for me was very difficult to decide to stop halfway. The old one, the new one to me remains just as difficult.

Even at that time my head was often confused with a chaotic mind in thinking about a storyline that I never knew could create something out of reason like this, Lita Aksima and cowboy were interconnected? Father and son? I don't know why this could happen.

“Didn't I write your story back then about gold mining, mountains that have abundant natural resources and tea leaf farmers how could this story be mixed with you and that cowboy?”

I asked him, astonished. Enigmatic in the head. I always miss something that has been in my life for a long time, if I may say this is not the last time.

I miss writing stories about them. It's heavy and why has the storyline gone awry? What I looked at was the Fairy Tale Kingdom.

The story I named at the time slammed expectations and was eventually rejected by publishers. Lita Aksima, cowboy and tea leaf farmer a wise old man. I don't know why I feel so mired in my own writing.

The Kingdom of Fairy Tale is indeed the end of the story I have written, but why this storyline becomes mixed and out of sync with each other. Gosh gosh? I have sinned in writing all this and I am determined to fix it.

However, I was confused where to start, that was what confused my head about the Fairy Tale Kingdom. I need to remember this is all just a fake, fictitious world in the story.

I hope I can fix it.