Recycling

The Play on Old Paper and Songs; Don't Be Distraught

I looked at those who now seemed to be cheering waiting for the follow-up story. But I'm not interested in telling it.

Discussed it. I want to stop my mouth talking right now. Stopping all this like a stack of paper I want to burn. Done it.

The story of a cowboy I told you didn't mean much, the vocabulary in it seemed bland, there was nothing to feel. Also, just think of it as a character that crossed the line, more than a hypocrite in this round world.

Yeah, round! Not a box, let alone a flat.

Hypocrites and accusers, showmen and artisans feel great in the universe. Cowboy you're telling a lie, you're playing a charade.

On paper, it was written in such a note. Many, dozens of pages that make me lazy to check again.

Even the script editor who that day stared at the script insulted, then hit it without caring about me. He's honest. The ferocious temperament said frankly and everything became clear. I don't ask why that happened? Wh why? No, at all, I didn't ask. Also, here trying to be quiet with a tree of hope that I want to cut down until he fell. Hey, come on, don't ever make me grow up like this. Know, buddy. That one sad sentence you said made me weaker. It's easy for you to say that, what about me who was laughed at by the staff and the script editor grinned in a shitty style, very annoying.

“I'm sorry, buddy. It seems I chose the absolute decision, I don't want to tell it anymore, about the story let it sink in among the thousands of words I threw in the garbage can!”

“And you know it is indeed a trashy novel!”

I said with high intonation. I don't think I'm interested in telling it now. You know, man. Especially before I only want to ask them for advice, not something that makes me grow sunduk and makes me not taste to talk. Life is weird, I think something I want sometimes at times, it doesn't go smoothly with my strong imagination.

“The story is indeed garbage.”

“What do you mean?” one of them looked at me seriously. “I don't understand this, man. Can you explain it?”

He looked a little surprised at my previously raised voice. And suddenly tightened, for no reason and they don't know why? Yeah, but I don't have to answer the question. That's not important to me.

“True it, Boi. Whatchu mean? Why did you choose not to tell? Didn't before .. in fact, we have not heard the contents of your story as a whole. Is that what you want? Imagine you have a reader who likes your story and you write the novel on stage, not ending, Boi. How does a reader feel? The reader will be disappointed. You are so weird, so desperate so easily, so quick to give up.”

“Nobody reads that manuscript as long as I don't publish it.” I said, That's the fact.

I'm sorry, for the time I really said it, man. I knew in advance that I was the one who asked you for advice so you kindly gave me various words of encouragement, even told me to tell you about the cowboy story I wrote. Know, one thing now I'm just not interested in telling or telling it. And. I think it's better that story I just bury it in the ground.

I hope it will really sink to thousands of kilometers until it continues to reach the bottom of the earth through its core, then it will be destroyed in there. I don't care anymore either.

“You think negatively, try to positive your mind calmly.” One of them gave advice.

“I know the three of you are just playing a show and if I write on paper, all of this will look like a skit and it's an old song that I'm tired of hearing, you guys are feeling like you're looking at me like that. To me the cowboy story was just a story between thousands and thousands of fictional stories and I thought again that I didn't need to bring it up or exaggerate the problem. It is not necessary and not even important.”

“You don't understand, Boi. We are the readers of your story I referred to earlier, rather we are the listeners. You remember, at first you told us. Don't forget we are also readers of your script that was a mess. At first, the others did not know. You yourself told us at that time, even though your script was a mess, but all of it can still make me curious about the continuation of the story. More precisely, I wonder what your writing will develop like? You need to know, it all I can see from just staring at your script, that's also what I'm always looking forward to in the future will be like.”

“Isn't that your dream all along?”

I shook my head when I heard his words. “Then however if you say it. I still don't believe what you say, man. I know you're just looking at me like that, tell me the truth. Really, it's okay then I'd love to hear it. I thought you might not be curious about my writing, but you just want to show empathy by telling absolute lies that I can guess easily.”

“You were wrong, Boi. That's not what I meant and I didn't mean ..”

“Yeah, whatever you mean and whatever you say, I still choose not to tell you. The story about the cowboy you need to know there contains a lot of hole plots. Many complicated events are difficult to capture logic and common sense. Those of you who heard him enthusiastically at the beginning, that was the first impression in the novel until the middle of the disconnect began to feel. Atmospheric chaos the storyline I created. That's what the script editor told me that day. I even had a strong suspicion that the three of you would change your mind while listening to the whole story about that cowboy so you would easily insult me and that I should never have done in my life.”

I explained everything. If I want to explain longer, this is a complicated thing that happened between the memories and the umpteenth of old pain in the past, bitter bitter in the time that I want to swallow the bitter taste and buy candy. Talking like this is confusing. Talking like this with three of my friends who are like sophisticated headed robots, like this. I think again, the three of them do not know how to give a shot of spirit to people who have experienced trauma in the past.

The past was sad, meeting the script editor who crashed my script.

“Before I only asked for advice from you guys, not even tell a story.” I continued speaking after explaining at length to them.

“It looks like your decision is already round. All right, just need you to know, Boi. No one else you're looking at right now, here you're face to face with us, you're telling us stories and you know yourself no matter how bad the stories you tell. So far we have never insulted or issued a word of ridicule, only giving one grateful opinion if you want to accept it.”

He kept saying it continuously, even longer than just that. This is what makes me even more worried between choosing to continue or forgetting. Verbally, it's easy when you say it, imagine a time when you've experienced a period of trauma in your life that requires you to keep going, strengthen your heart and try not to look back there. Also, lead the footsteps to continue walking on the steep rocks, up the mountains. Even rustling sand in the Sahara desert there and then blown by the wind and the roar of big waves that hit the ship in the open ocean, it feels bitter to stand for people who are afraid to look at the waves. Pain also felt as if splitting the chest.

That's dramatic. Hopefully not impressed because it is actually my characteristic in writing. I have not been able to use stunning diction, even making the forehead frown or even laugh.

“You're free to talk and I'm free to choose all that to keep.”

I replied it doesn't need to be long. For me right now I don't want to grieve. I even want to laugh when I remember.

“About this I know the problem. It looks like you're playing a drama, but I can understand it. Maybe now you are confused considering the script editor who does not want to edit your script and even hit it without caring about your feelings. You're upset, Boi. That I can see clearly.”

I'm shaking. “I'm not upset.”

They look at each other, may be surprised and if they want to laugh. Please, it's their right to laugh. Because of the inconsistency in the self that previously said want to give up, want to lose.

I can understand it like a madman in thinking about life. People are upset in living it. But, now I'm just defending myself from being called someone else and trying to brush it off.

Actually upset for what? I'm not upset about all that, though, justeru when the script editor hit the script at that time I gave one look must be staring at him that one day I will show him and someday I will find someone who understands and more understand everything about me besides him. There are many editors out there in the world. There are still many opportunities in my life to start new things for me to explore.

“You are not upset, maybe you are sad to remember everything, Boi?” He looked at me more irritatingly than before.

I wanted to slap, but I held it in my mind, then took a deep breath.

“Please.stop saying pointless things, man. You don't understand much about all this.”

“I am not upset and not sad over everything, the soul of the young man in my blood is currently still flowing to a vein. This is the time of the burning fire of spirit in my soul. In front of me they laugh at me. In his room at that time, they mocked my script with a contemptuous vocabulary. The more they spoke, the more the script editor rejected my manuscript and underestimated it. Then the flames in my soul will grow ever wider in all directions, one thing you remember, my friend. Never look at me like that.”

A hypocrite! That's the proper name for me who is currently acting like a strong ass, I have indeed felt drowned in the ground when my mentality weakened, my head lowered. Laughing at the staff there, the script editor stiffened his face, looking at me not smiling.

The light of the happy or even friendly look on the editor's face disappeared from the glare of his eyes. That's not something I should make a stepping stone to. I want to throw it in the sea and throw it away from my life.

“You're grumbling, friend.”

I heard it there, and he stood close, patting me on the shoulder.

“Jazu.” I'm turning.

I'm looking at him for a moment.

“Why? Why is the end of this you grumble so much, man. Was this.. I heard you were upset?” She asked.

The three people with me looked at each other. Jazu was sitting between us with his usual temperament, I chose to bow my head in a state of anger because before my ears were like electrocuted when I heard their annoying words, right now I'm just trying not to look at those who know all about me and trying not to care about them. I don't know, I really can't think straight, my head is like breaking thinking about anything else I can't and I think it's a tangled string of twine. Tired was certainly in minutes, hours and seconds that passed. Tired of thinking about life.

“What is this, friend?”

“Come, tell me that. I just came and didn't know everything. Why are you all so silent. Do you think I'm a bee or a bear that wants to prey on you?”

“This is just about the script of the novel that day I wrote, friend.” Speak short.

“Ah. I understand the problem, your writing is indeed ugly and yes for me you better stop, bury deep in your dreams to become a writer. Your talent is not there, friend.” Jazu, as usual, said so.

“Not good times you say it, the name of the friend is better you call it friend.” One of them protested.

Jazu had always referred to people he knew or did not know as friends, sometimes I followed him when talking to him at the coffee shop that day.

“That's my trademark, man. You can't change what I've set, even since I was seven.”

After speaking, Jazu looked at the person there, waved and ordered a drink.

“Begini, friend. I told you to stop writing, but you still write. That's your typical disease that sometimes makes me not understand.” Jazu continued to speak.

One or two of them responded, I stared at him. “I told you too, friend. The more you mock my script, the more it makes me excited to write the script, when in the coffee shop that day you really gave one spirit that I remember.”

“Haha.it was just a week ago, when you and I were talking at the coffee shop, it wasn't as long as you said, friend.”

“You're engrossed in talking to yourself.” One of the others said it.

“About us stone?”

“Hey, don't be. Just join this, just entered the contact, you please understand.”

Jazu laughing. The others were joking and laughing at each other again.

“I'm just kidding, you're the type of person who doesn't like to joke apparently.” One of them spoke and then took a drink.

“Ya, friend. You can joke as long as the look on your face is not serious, I think it's even funny and relieving in this time. Ahaha. toad females.”.

“The frog in the rice field was jumping, but unfortunately it fell into the water. He sank, he could not swim. Ask for help, frogs again save and finally they mate and give birth to their children.”

“You know, the frog now has a cattle rancher and his horse contains all, fat-fat instead.”

Jazu complacently laughed like a cartoon on television, his laugh did not make sense. It's the laughter that makes people laugh. One of the people he had called earlier, now brought an order. What Jazu ordered as usual, a glass of warm and delicious coffee.

That's not saying I said that now my drink is sweet tea with a square block of ice. That's not play.

Jazu took it and said a moment of thanks, then slowly drank it.

“This coffee... and the weather in this month is quite comfortable for us to relax.” He seemed to want to start a new conversation. Forgetting previous chats about writing.

“By the way, Narak. You already love coffee, why is your drink tea now? That's not your style I knew that day at the coffee shop, friend.” Jazu continued to talk while staring at my tea glass.

“Yeah, right now I don't want to think, man. If I drink tea it feels my mind is calmer and more comfortable in enjoying today, right now you also seem to know the coffee I only use when I'm trying to write something.”

I explained to him, like those were the days I spent with a cup of coffee to find a different storyline than most out there.

Jazu put down his drinking cup. “Oh, tolerable. You can already minimize opium on a cup of coffee, I can't.”

“Coffee is perfect for someone if you want to think. The taste is mixed between bitter and sweet, it can make you feel a variety of brilliant minds when you touch it in a glass, then drink it. Right now, man. You're looking at me drinking coffee.” He continued speaking in a hand style that could not stand still, as if his hand was following the words he let out.

“It looks like the three of us want to leave, Boi. You know we've been here a long time.” One of them spoke.

Jazu held them back, but with a laugh they continued to rest on their laurels laughing and making small talk for a while. In the end, they still choose to say there are more important things for them to do. Plus some other reason that Jazu couldn't hold them back.

“The face is fat and cannot fly. You just made it up.”

“Gajahtera plane garuda, that's what I mean, man. Elephanthe big garuda plane in the sky.” They laugh, not for nothing.

It was just their silly behavior in telling stories while dramatizing the sound of the plane with their hands.

“Friends, aren't you laughing with us? You're so different now apparently.”

When I heard that, I had to laugh which was not funny. I started the absurd babble with a variety of other vocabulary. They all listened like spectators cheering. Moreover, at that time I was only joking with Jazu, as if forgetting the three of them in front of me. My absurd opponent succeeded in tickling them all, but it did not last long when it stopped when someone among them took a quick gulp down like a single glance, it was empty water from the cup.

And the other two stared also astonished. “Alright, I have to say goodbye, man. There's important business in the office. Big boss called me, man.”

“Well, you got a problem?” Jazu.

She laughs. “No, just a meeting he said.”

“Alright, you two come with me, right?” he looked up at the two people with him.

“That's for sure, we always come with you wherever you go.” They both are compact.

The three of them are like three united poles that cannot be separated. “Nah, we say goodbye, Boi. I just found out that old friends like you when you meet each other, even make me able to forget about the problem with Big boss.”

“You know, man. The big boss told us to have a meeting that to me was in vain, the discussion was irrelevant and seemed patronizing, no discussion using common sense.”

“You must be patient, friend.” Jazu talk.

“That's a life test.” I hooked up with a laugh, loose without any more burden on my mind.

One of them laughed. “Iya, right. We say goodbye, Boi.”

“Yeah, next time we'll talk again.” One of them looked at me and Jazu, one of the guys there first moved from our side.

The three of them left in the end he said he wanted to have a meeting with the big boss and I don't know what they would discuss in the meeting room. I was just breeding, giving a thumbs up response towards them. One of them wanted to do a hand tos.

“We tos first, Boi.” He started it before me, I returned his hands with a steady grin.

“You're great, Boi. Stay strong yourself even if you are mocked by thousands of words though.”

His hand clasped tightly onto my hand, then he clenched it in a slapping style to my chest. “You're a boy, Boi. I said don't give up easily.”

All right, I'll always remember, man. Give up on what? I realize this is now a strange thing, especially this world is just a temporary stopover, a world that stretches wide with oceans and land, where I stand today. This geographical location in Southeast Asia it seems to me that I did not give up much.

Thank you, I admit the previous time I had wanted to give up on all the things that had made me sad and laugh beyond this expression was hypocritical, I once felt like losing. But, you are with me, re-energizing me as if it has strengthened my resolve. A young man like me. I'm sorry, I've often lost track of where this leg should go and I think with what I've been through, things have become clear.

I even thought there was nothing I could show you on a hand type and a row of nameplates that were titled later.

“One more thing, Boi. Don't worry, as long as you're alive you still have plenty of time to prove that you can too.”