Recycling
A Letter from the Heart I cannot send
Wapta, you know miss? Right now that's how I feel, not in a word implied meaning. I know you are all that has been in the temples of hope.
Right now I'm walking to the park with your letter that I really want to read right now, so I want to know what you put on a piece of paper.
Behold, in the shade of the cloud, my longing was hindered, my longing was like the sun shining on the earth, now it was covered in clouds, my longing was blocked by distance and communication.
Wapta, if I may be honest there is nothing, nor does anyone in my life know better than me.
This longing is all I know, I never mention it to people, it's just that I've had a really hard time writing the best words in random word order to you.
I also had trouble hiding my expression in front of grandfather. He already knows that I love you, but right now the biggest pain in my life is the difficulty of choosing a word that I can send directly to you.
Did you know I once weighed the taste, weighed the letter I wrote just for you. Hard reality.
On the quiet park bench, now it feels like nothing, just the roar of vehicles passing by.
I pensively stared for a moment at your letter. The letter I hold right now is able to dispel this thing in my soul about the feeling of a drop of longing.
With a slow movement I open your letter, of course this heart is beating and difficult to explain, more precisely I do not want to explain it, later you think I am a better person and so on.
.... ⁇ Wapta's...
...Naraks. It's me Wapta...
...ฉันมั่นใจว่าคุณสามารถพูดภาษาไทยได้แล้ว...
...I'm sure you can now speak Thai...
...นั่นคือเหตุผลที่ฉันส่งจดหมายฉบับนี้เป็นภาษาไทย...
...That's why I sent this letter in Thai...
...คุณปู่บอกว่าคุณไปมหาวิทยาลัยกรุงเทพ วิธีการแต่งตัวละครยาก?...
...Grandpa said you went to university in Bangkok. How to string Aksara, difficult?...
...อักษรไทยจะไม่ทำให้คุณหัวล้านใช่ไหม?...
...That thai script won't make you bald, will it?...
...ฉันสงสัยว่าตอนนี้หน้าตาของคุณเป็นยังไงต้องซีดแน่ ๆ เพราะคุณนอนดึกเกินไปในการทำงานที่ได้รับมอบหมายจากวิทยาลัย...
...I wonder how your face is now, must be pale because most stay up late on college assignments....
...นั่นแหล่ะ ทักทายวาปตา....
...So, that's all. Hail Wapta....
Eh? At that time I thought it was all over, apparently there was still the next sheet. I laugh for a moment, sometimes funny why it's hard to explain.
...ขอโทษนะล้อเล่น...
...Sorry, just kidding...
...คุณกินแตงโมเป็นยังไงบ้าง?...
...How's it going, you eat?...
...ฉันแน่ใจว่าใบหน้าของคุณต้องแปลกใจใช่มั้ย?...
...I'm sure your face must be surprised, right?...
...เป็นของขวัญสุขสันต์วันเกิด!...
...That's a gift, Happy Birthday!...
...คุณเองเกรงว่าคุณจะลืมวันเกิดเพราะยุ่งอยู่ในวิทยาลัย...
...You yourself, do not-don't forget your birthday because you are busy in college...
...คุณเป็นอย่างไร?...
...How's things?...
...ตอนนี้คุณกำลังทำอะไรอยู่?...
...What are you doing now?...
...ถามเยอะจริงงงว่าจะเขียนอะไร? ป่านนี้คุณยังไม่ส่งจดหมายทำไม?...
...I asked a lot, actually confused about what to write? You haven't sent me a letter all this time, why?...
...Have you forgotten me?...
...นรัก, สุขภาพแข็งแรง...
...Narak, keep your health...
...หวังว่าเราจะได้พบกันอีกในภายหลัง...
...Hopefully we can meet again....
Yes, Wapta. Hopefully, by the way I am now staring silently at your letter. My name is not Narak anymore, but grandfather calls me Roman or Man.
I scratched my head a little, when I found out that Narak's name was here for a woman's name, I laughed so badly that's why Grandpa changed my name Roman.
Wapta, I'm sorry that I've been weighing things that I can't explain. That's weird, isn't it?
I can't afford to send you a letter, you're the one who sent me first, not Wapta. This is my fault.
Mental error I felt, a disorder I found difficult to explain. Maybe I should go to a brainwashing place. More precisely I need a psychologist to make my life more peaceful.
My college is good, during the study period here is fun, even though I intend not to have friends.
Actually I'm not too busy, just reading books, not many books that I read. Within a day, I was only able to read three books, even repeatedly read them to stick firmly in the memory.
The book was thick, I didn't seem strong to remember it for long.
About the Thai script it feels right my head to bald, not in the real sense. You know my absurd proverbs. So that is if this brain thinks and this hand writes the Thai script. Bald head, tingling hands. Haha, kidding.
More actually I'm quite happy to get a letter from you, you're right too. I forgot my own birthday, the birthday I should remember I forgot it.
I'm sorry that last month made you wait for hours and I didn't come. Forgive me for not knowing how to appreciate your arrival that day.
All of this is indeed my fault which will probably take some time if I explain further. I can't look at you there.
Now I can only write a letter that will probably be a word of longing between a cup of coffee and its bitter taste that is firmly attached in a unity of meaning, not in the sense of a hum that looks like a habitual mess.
I often make mistakes that don't know if they are right or not. Mistakes I cannot mention.
Is the error reasonable? It may be natural, but repeated mistakes may be considered. The doubt of an apology will reconcile him.
I once looked at a bunch of warring people, not in a day, not how many apologies were spoken. When a man's heart hates, whatever they may not forgive him.
Goodness and so forth will be considered the wind then, have heard many thousands of good that are forgotten in the blink of an eye, lost all just because of one mistake.
How can I never be good to you? More precisely you are the one who has the right to determine all your desires without looking at me.
I can easily forget someone, but I can't forget you from a long time ago.
I took a breath for a moment. Looking up, what was imagined at this time was that when I met a wise man, he would surely tell me that I was a person who did not know the nature of gratitude. Life and happiness in this world.
Wapta, this is my letter that I failed to send that day. By then I was breathing out typing it on the computer, silently glancing at it, I had already tried longer, more than anything else considered.
That's why I've never sent you a letter. I'm a little afraid to imagine that my sweet words will one day turn into something you don't want.
What I thought was sweet wasn't necessarily all sweet. Those are my words from a long time ago, messy as usual. I wrote it for myself.
The writing that initially fell apart not only in the preparation of words, but also logic, punctuation and so on, all of that I slowly improved with the attitude of totality as a writer.
That's what makes me know the real meaning of feeling tired, missing you all the time is my way to continue living life. Tired of course, this mind is racing against matter, as well as your precious self.
I once got a hard mention by one of the poets. He thought I was playing with love, but it wasn't.
I just couldn't write you a letter, so I didn't have the power to send it. You deserve to be happy, even with someone else.
Not with me who never knew the meaning of the word love? All this time I seemed to be busy on my days, busy on the thick books I wanted to nail.
Busy in a sense, I've never been in love with anyone here. I just love you, a woman I always look up to. No matter how you go, I still love you, I don't know when this will disappear from my heart.
I often busied myself with notes, as well as some sheets of paper that I always read over and over again, the thick book I liked very much.
This is a letter from my heart that I am unable to send to you, a letter that is so thoughtful.
Even now I do not intend to send a letter at length, later I will send a letter in the form of an apology because that day I have made you wait a long time. Hours in the store. Grandpa never said it, he said he forgot.
Gosh gosh? I feel guilty right now. Want to apologize to you, hopefully you can forgive yourself. After imagining the mistake, my mind wandered back.
I feel like I should be able to cope more with my current feelings and thoughts, you have written to me at length.
Of course I will try to weigh myself again to send you a letter, even I think my letter will be longer than the letter you sent me.
