Rainbow Cloud

Chapter 9's

After a night of thinking about what actions I should take and what decisions I should make, I knew clearly what to do. I will do as Grandma said. I'll spend time with them both.

More important than not falling in love with the man, I must know his true feelings. If he never or no longer loves me, I will more easily let go of the new feeling of love that appears in my heart. I have no reason to chase a man who doesn't love me.

On the one hand, I also have to know why Brother Andre refused to date me. I need to know if we have any possibility of going out or not. If we can't be together, I'll try to let it go.

Although I had never imagined it to happen, but since my heart was busy with love dilemmas, I began to be able to imagine the possibility.

I was more able to open my heart to new possibilities where Brother Andre is not the prince who brings a happy ending forever thanks to the figure of the man who makes my heart shake when I close it tightly. And if she still loves me, I'll try to open my heart to her.

But I know my priority among them is still Brother Andre.

You want to know why I chose Andre?

I told you that Brother Andre is the perfect figure in my eyes. She's my angel and I've been in love and waiting for her for over five years. If I just throw everything away, I'm sure I'll regret not fighting for it until the end.

And I also thought about the possibility that the man could make me fall in love because of his drastic changes. The change made me curious and interested in him. But I don't know a single thing about him. After hating her for about six years, it was more likely that we were no match for each other. Maybe I'll stop loving her after I get to know her.

So that day I woke up with a new determination in facing them both. But as soon as I saw them, all the firmness I built up overnight collapsed in a matter of seconds.

I know what I have to do. I've made my decision. But doing it is still not easy.

Fortunately, my efforts last night were not in vain. At least because I know my purpose, I can take it step by step in achieving my goal. No one said I should talk to them immediately and get the answers I needed. There's no harm in me walking slowly. We still have time. I can have them stay longer or we can continue this game after I get home.

“Again,” the man who first greeted me. I just nodded as a sign of hearing it. I still can't see him, let alone talk to him.

“Morning, Gis,” Brother Andre greeted me and luckily I was able to look at him and return his greeting.

Since my priority is Brother Andre, it's a good thing I can still look at him and talk to him. There's a lot we need to talk about. I decided to focus on Brother Andre first.

Come to think of it, if Brother Andre decides to date me, I can finish all my plans and take his hand. I've come to the conclusion Brother Andre is my choice. The best choice.

During breakfast, I only talked to Brother Andre and grandma. The man also did not invite me to speak so as to ease my situation. Since I didn't see her, I couldn't see her expression either and didn't know what she was thinking.

I just wasn't ready to deal with it, let alone let it know about my feelings. So don't blame me for delaying my interaction with her. I promised myself I'd talk to her, sooner or later. I just don't decide when.

Brother Andre picked me up that day. I let him take me for a walk on the beach around school. It brings bad memories but I hope to replace them with more pleasant ones.

“Kak,” I called him after we started tired of walking enjoying the beach sand at our feet.

“Ah, want to rest first?”

I nodded and we sat under a nearby coconut tree.

“Sister still can't story?”

Brother Andre knew what I meant and fell silent. I know it's a sign he doesn't want to talk about it.

“I'll give Big Brother time, but Brother has to tell me as soon as possible,” I decided to give up. I even decided to forget my silly dream. “I love Brother. That still hasn't changed. I'm also afraid that our relationship will be damaged if it turns out we're not a match for dating. If I was told to choose to be friends forever or part with a relationship problem, I would also choose to be friends forever,” I said that I practiced last night. If I said I wasn't ashamed to say it all, I would be lying. But I'm sure Brother Andre has known my feelings for a long time so I'm not too ashamed.

Andre just kept listening.

“But if you want to try dating so we have no regrets, I want to try. Isn't falling in love with a friend very lucky? We know almost everything about each other. Honestly, I'm sure we're both a good match and it's impossible to break up.”

Brother Andre looks sad to hear my words, I don't know why. So I decided to shut up and wait for him to say something.

“But we don't know what will happen. As a boyfriend, I may not be as good as a friend. You know after we date, there must be things that change.”

“So Brother is afraid we change and fight? If that's what Brother is afraid of, I can promise we will still be friends no matter what happens,” I said quickly. I felt that if we could date that day, it would all be over sooner.

But Andre shook his head. “That's not what I'm afraid of.”

“Then what?” I can't guess what's on his mind. “If Big Brother doesn't say something, I won't understand. If Big Brother does not want to date, I will give up Brother,” I said firmly.

Brother Andre was surprised to look at me before laughing. The situation makes me even more confused.

“What's so funny? I'm serious.”

“Sorry. I just didn't expect to hear that from you. That you will let me go,” he said after stopping laughing.

“What's weird? If you do not want to, if it is impossible for us to date, of course I will give up Brother.”

“It looks like you've changed,” he said softly. I don't know if he's happy or sad about it. “If it was you, you would decide to wait for me. You will choose to be by my side forever even as a friend. You won't let me go.”

After hearing his explanation, I felt like I had indeed changed. When Brother Andre left, I promised to wait for him. I don't want to open my heart to anyone else. I decided to be loyal to Brother Andre.

That's all I do because I'm sure I won't love anyone but Brother Andre. I also believe that he was the one who was sent for me. He will accompany me for the rest of my life.

At High School, and until a few days ago, I was too naive for love. I don't have much experience with love and dating. For me love is Brother Andre.

But I know the reason I changed. The reason I can let Brother Andre go. It's because of that guy. Because he made me realize that there might be another love for me. It makes me feel a little guilty for Andre. But that's what happened.

“That's because I know Brother loves me too. Otherwise, I wouldn't have stubbornly waited,” refuted me with the first reason I found.

Andre held my hand. “If you want us to date, I want you to promise me one thing.”

I was surprised by Andre's response. I didn't think it would be that fast to change his mind. I don't know what's going on.

“What?” I can only ask that.

I blinked my eyes many times reflexively. I don't understand at all what he's saying. I need enough time to process what I hear.

“Wait, Brother,” I opened my palm in front of him. “If we date, of course I will only love Brother. Do you want me to fall in love with someone else and we break up? But that doesn't mean I'm possessive. I know I'm not jealous easily. I won't curb Brother.”

“That's not what I mean, Gis,” she lowered my hand. “I said it because I know you. In your ideal world, you believe there is true love and that's me. I'm glad you think I do. It didn't burden me at first. But when I found out I was leaving, it started weighing on me. That's also the reason I didn't express my feelings back then.”

“I don't understand.”

Brother Andre took a long breath. “You only ever loved me and never thought you would love anyone else. To be more precise, you don't want to love others. I'm afraid if we don't make it, if it turns out we don't fit in, if I fall in love with someone else.”.

“Sister loves others?” I cut him in panic.

“No. I also just love you,” Brother Andre stopped me from interrupting again. “Listen to me! You're too stubborn to love me. You believe too much that I am your soul mate. You're too sure we're destined to be together. But you never stop and think about whether we are really a match. And if it turns out we're not a match, I'm afraid you won't want to believe it and it will ruin our relationship. That's why I'm asking you to open your heart to others as long as I'm not around. I think if you find someone else, it means we are not a match and we can stay friends.”

“But I'm not in love with anyone else!” i fought him.

“Do you give others a chance? Did you open your heart to others during my time in England?”

I didn't answer. We both know I didn't.

After we were caught in silence, I decided to start talking, “Does Big Brother want me to fall in love with someone else? Do you want me to forget my brother? If Big Brother really loves me, you shouldn't expect it all. Brother should have fought for me.”

“I just want to see you happy. Even if it means I'm not your true love. Even if I'm not by your side. That's why I'm giving you the chance to think about it as long as I'm not by your side. But you didn't think about it. Because of that, now I'm afraid. If we date now, I'm afraid you'll really think of me as your true love and won't open your heart to anyone else again.”

Okay, that's a reasonable possibility. All this time, I thought Brother Andre was my first and last love. He is my true love. I am stubborn.

If you think about it again, everything that Brother Andre said is true. I must admit I was shaken by all the facts he said. I feel that my attitude has been weighing on him all along. I subconsciously demand that she be the perfect true love for me. Naturally he was afraid to commit further with me.

“So, if you can promise to find another love if we can't be together, I'll date you.”

After hearing that, another man's face appeared in my mind. If I promise you one thing, I'll get what I want. But at that moment I was doubtful.

I can promise that because I realize I can love anyone other than Brother Andre. If we don't succeed, I will open my heart to others. I should have immediately agreed to the offer, but I didn't want to start a relationship by keeping secrets.

“Before that, there must be Brother Andre know,” I said in a voice that I hope he did not hear.

“What?”

I didn't expect Brother Andre to make a decision so soon. I'm not ready to tell you my secret. I don't know how to tell you that I'm attracted to other men without hurting them. And without changing his decision. I don't want Brother Andre to retract his words or worse, hate me.

“That you need Brother to know, I really love Brother. Brother is the person I love the most.”

“OK?” he was waiting for me to say what I had trouble telling him.

“But now I am also in love with someone else,” I said with speech speed beyond my normal standards.

“Reza?”

That one word really surprised me. Do I feel so easy to see? Does that guy know too? Ah, even at such a time I still think about it.

“How do I know?” ask Andre patiently.

I nodded slowly. Afraid to hear his response.

“If I told you I've been expecting it since High School, do you believe me?” he laughed and I wasn't sure if he was serious or joking.

“Cannot be! I've always loved one's brother. Oath.”

Brother Andre just laughed and it made me even more anxious and annoyed. If he decides it's the right time to joke, I'll leave him alone on the beach. I don't mind starting a cold war once again.

“You know when you are so energized and excited?”I shook my head. “While quarrelling with him.”

“K-If you're angry of course I'm fiery.”

“Then do you know what comes out of your mouth most often?” Once again I shook my head quickly because I wanted to hear the answer immediately. “Reza.”

I took a quick breath. I don't remember doing that. I'm sure I almost never mentioned his name.

“Not his name. But you always mention it. Whether it's a demon, a bully, or whatever you call it for him,” Andre added as if reading my mind.

“But I don't like it.”

“I didn't say you liked it. It's just that sometimes I feel like you pay more attention to it than I do. Sometimes I think his position in your heart is bigger than mine.”

“Any brother jealous?” I foolishly said what came to my mind.

“Of course. Didn't I always stop you from talking about it?”

I remember Brother Andre always stopped me and my friends when badmouthing my enemies just in my way. But all this time I thought it was because Brother Andre was too kind, not jealous.

“But I don't know if he's stupid or a genius for always pissing you off,” muttered Brother Andre who I can still hear. I pretended not to hear it.

“How can you be sure I like him? Is it because of my attitude lately?”

“Kless more. After all there are no other men around you so when you say you like other men, there is only one possibility.”

“Ah,” indeed there are only two special men in my life, my first love and my first former enemy.