Rainbow Cloud

Chapter 12's

As per the decision, that day I spent time with Brother Andre. My heart was lighter because they agreed to give me as much time as I needed. And since I knew what Brother Andre wanted to do, I was able to open my heart to my first love.

I'll try to be fair. I will not choose love. But is there really justice in falling in love?

After I told my grandmother everything, she was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. Grandma was really worried about me. I also did not forget to thank him for his advice. Even though I couldn't do that right away, at least, I managed to do it in the end.

Grandma decided to spend her day with a guy who didn't get a date with me. So that day grandma can spend time with the man who came into my dream.

Right, I dreamt of it. That's why I said there's nothing fair about falling in love. Our hearts always decide for themselves. Before we even know it. Sometimes I envy my heart that is always honest and knows what it wants without thinking much.

Because it just so happened to be Sunday, I spent more time with Brother Andre. Fortunately, no one objected to it, even if it wasn't fair. But I found myself hoping that day was her turn.

Again something unfair.

But in the end I could only listen to the will of the heart and try to bury the incitements from my brain. I need to know who my heart really loves so that I don't hurt myself and them.

“Grandmother, Reza, we go first yes,” Kak Andre said goodbye to the two people who guard the house.

“Happy fun,” said granny happily looking at me.

“Today is your day. But tomorrow is mine,” the man walked up to Brother Andre. His words were indeed similar to looking for a cause, but from his tone I knew they were at peace.

“Have fun. Today you may not think of me,” he winks his eyes at me.

I miss when he doesn't try to chase me. I can still breathe a sigh of relief and control my feelings even though I was unconsciously mired in her love. But when he seriously wanted to chase me, my heart was too confused between stopping beating or jumping out.

The devil is really shrewd. How could I not think about it after hearing his words. That must include the plan.

I had to prepare myself to face the demon who loved me. Something I've never done.

He used to be just a demon I could hate freely. Then he turned into, exactly almost an angel who came with a sudden. After she chose to make me fall more and more in love with her, she became a combination of a demon with her cunning and a bearer of surprises that made me flutter.

That combination is really bad for my heart.

Brother Andre himself is still like my angel. Still my white riding prince. But he was more honest and open. He didn't want any more misunderstandings between us. I agreed to do the same because I wanted us to understand each other better.

I no longer bring Brother Andre to the beach with a variety of bad memories. After experience after experience, it seems like Andre Kak does not fit into the beach. So I took her to an area with more people. The friendly Andre will certainly be very liked.

In the middle of the road, I saw two of my students running towards me. Nisa and Rumi. They seem to be playing, whatever they are playing, to spend a day off that only comes once a week.

“Bu Gisel,” Nisa called me and ran over.

“Wah, is this teacher's mom's boyfriend?” Rumi was always the smartest and talkative. A good combination for the class but made me misbehave that morning.

“Kids, this is a teacher's mother's friend. Brother Andre.”

“That's a shame, Brother Andre is handsome. Same with teacher. Brother Andre doesn't like teacher?” again Rumi spoke up and Nisa just nodded in agreement.

 I can't blame their teacher because there's no way I can blame myself. But that little boy is too mature for his age.

Andre laughed beside me. “Kakak is trying to make the teacher want to be my girlfriend.”

The two little girls heard it. They love me too much. Is correct. They must love me so much that they worry about my love life.

“What is the teacher waiting for? I have no boyfriend yet.”

I promised myself I'd give Rumi a super hard problem tomorrow. His brilliant brain should not be wasted.

“That's because there are other men who are also chasing the teacher,” Kak Andre explained patiently but indirectly making me more embarrassed.

“Kak,” I tried to stop him.

Nisa and Rumi already smiled broadly at me. “Wah, it turns out popular teacher mom,” Nisa said innocently.

My explanation would be futile so I let them with their own thoughts. I'm just happy to see Brother Andre who is familiar with both of my students. Andre has been popular with children for a long time. Especially the girls.

After playing with Nisa and Rumi, Kak Andre and I continued our journey. I introduced her to the islanders and they warmly welcomed her. We walked up to the beach where the fishing boats docked.

“Because we agreed to be honest with each other, there's something I want to say,” I said changing our conversation more seriously. After my heart calmed down more, I could think of more things with wider glasses.

“Actually I am relieved to hear the reason Brother is not dating me. All this time, I kept thinking Big Brother wouldn't date because of ex-Sister.”

Brother Andre looked surprised but he quickly understood my point of view. “I no longer have any special feelings for my ex, if that's what you're worried about. But maybe it affected me a little bit,” he explained.

“Slightly affect?”

“I haven't told you this, but the reason he decided on me is because he felt I was too good,” Brother Andre rubbed his neck sideways slowly.

“What is he stupid?! How could he decide on Big Brother for such a reason. There's nothing wrong with being a good person,” I'm annoyed for Brother Andre.

“Hahaha, I'm fine. But it scares me a little bit about dating you. I feel like I'm not cut out for a date and I'm just gonna ruin everything. Therefore I procrastinate to express my feelings.”

I was at a loss for words hearing that excuse. I never understood all this time and just waited for Brother Andre to express his feelings. I don't understand how Brother Andre feels being afraid to express his feelings. All this time I thought that there was nothing to be feared by her because my feelings for her were so clear. But I was wrong.

“I don't doubt your feelings. I'm just afraid dating will change everything. Maybe part of me is also afraid if you decide on me for the same reason.”

“I won't do that,” I said quickly. I also feel sad to see Brother Andre grim for that ridiculous reason. He never gets too good. “Oke, I also sometimes feel Brother is too good. Just look, Brother brought Reza here and even gave her a chance with me. If it's not too good, what's it called?”

“It's not that simple,” he said softly and I didn't really catch his words.

“But I like Big Brother like that. Brother will never be too good. That's exactly what makes me like.”

“Yes, your reason is not because I'm too good but because I let you fall in love with another man,” said Kak Andre teasing me. Who would have thought our five years of separation made him more ignorant. Or the man passed on the bad side to my angel.

“Sister Andre,” I feel guilty. Could it be that I will also choose another man because Brother Andre is too good?

He patted my head slowly. “You don't need to feel guilty. My feelings are mixed seeing you fall in love with Reza. But I cannot deny that part of me, only a small part, is happy that you are finally listening to your heart. Because either start when, I get used to our warm feelings and call it love.”

The conversation with Brother Andre allowed me to see more of the things I had been missing. I was too focused on our love story that I wanted to make a fairy tale and forgot to see the reality.

“I'm glad you waited for me and I believe you will continue waiting for me. You don't mind waiting for me either. When I knew I was leaving, I wondered if what we felt was love. Will it last with distance and time as we part. So I decided to let you go,” Brother Andre looked at me fixedly. There were a lot of emotions I saw in his eyes and I felt turmoil in my heart.

“But I still don't want to let you go. That's why I decided to be a coward. I let you go but still give you hope. I know you'll be waiting for me and I'm taking advantage of that.”

“Kak, it's not what you think. I volunteered to wait for Brother,” I immediately interrupted because I could not hear Brother Andre calling himself a coward.

“That's the truth, Gis. I'm afraid to be with you. But I'm also afraid to let you go. And for a year I didn't hear from you, and then I felt lost and decided to come back to you. I decided, whatever you feel, I will make you fall in love with me again and this time I will express my feelings. But who would have thought I still couldn't do that and hurt you.”

I shook my head with all my might. “I never blame Brother. I was upset and angry. But after I heard Brother, I could understand. I thank you for giving me the opportunity to listen to my heart. Big brother is more concerned with my feelings and is not trying to benefit from my stubbornness.”

“Because now your heart chose it?”

I swallowed the answer I wanted to give. I haven't made a choice but I know my heart has already decided.

“I don't..”

“Sometimes I think, what if at that time I immediately expressed my feelings. We don't have to waste years to see the end of the story.”

“Kak,” I can only lower my head.

Brother Andre lifted my chin gently and smiled as usual at me. “If you blame yourself for your changed heart, I will blame myself for losing to my fear. So we don't have to blame anyone. This is love. It's about the heart. It's out of our control.”

My tears fell into Brother Andre's hands and I let myself fall into his arms. The hug that always calms me. The man who always understood me.

I always wondered why I didn't keep loving her. But the answer was simple and Brother Andre said it easily. ‘It's about the heart. It's out of our control.’

“Didn't Big Brother say it would make me fall in love?” I hit his chest slowly. I was upset that he kept saying that he would make me fall in love but instead saying all the things that made me unable to deny my heart.

“I seriously want to make you fall in love with me. You have to believe that. Even until now, I want you to love me,” Brother Andre hugged me tighter. “But I realized I couldn't stay longer on this island. I gotta get going. And as a thank you for waiting for me all this time, I just want you to be aware of your feelings and be happy.”

“What's the talk? If you have to go home soon, you can still catch up with me in Jakarta. I'll be home soon too. Didn't you guys give me time to think about all this?” I broke out of his embrace.

“Maybe this is the best because I don't know how to tell you,” Brother Andre sighed and smiled bitterly. “Because your heart chose Reza, let her explain everything.”

I asked for an explanation from Brother Andre but he rejected it firmly. When he said that because my heart chose another man, I felt I had no right to force him anymore.