Rainbow Cloud

Chapter 7's

After thinking all night and making me give up my precious sleep, I came to the conclusion that he did not love me. He doesn't love me anymore and there's no reason to bother me anymore. And that's why he apologized and tried to make amends.

Maybe he met another woman who made him fall in love.

It was the best situation for me, him, and Brother Andre. That's why I hope it's the right conclusion.

But that day I was really not excited. I think because I'm sleep deprived. I convinced myself that I was sleep deprived. I still love Andre, not him. I don't love her.

You will definitely not believe me or laugh at me if I easily fall in love with my former enemy who just a few days ago apologized. I myself could not believe that I would love my former enemy compared to the man who had been present in my beautiful dreams.

But could you try to think about it from my point of view back then? He is no longer my former enemy. He's not my friend. He was like the man I had just met and always gave me surprises and made me want to get to know him more. That simple.

And Brother Andre's hesitant attitude made it even harder for me to focus my heart on my first love. It would be very sad if I ended up falling in love with my former enemy who no longer loved me.

“Reza is not awake?” in my heart I scolded myself for asking about him before greeting my grandmother and Brother Andre at the dinner table.

“He said he wanted to go around the island,” Kak Andre immediately replied.

“He's not like you guys. One person is busy teaching and working. The other one was busy cooking. Why don't you try walking around too. Andre, you haven't been around the island, have you?”

I just smiled at Grandma. It is better not to answer so that the topic does not continue.

“Today I will take Gisel to school. Later in the day I'll pick him up and take him for a walk. Okay, Grandma?” brother Andre said suddenly.

He didn't tell me that before. He didn't ask me first either. But I should be happy to spend time with him.

“Good. You guys have fun. Looks like today will not rain,” said grandma without seeing me.

As promised, Andre took me to school. He brought me lunch so that after school we could go for a walk.

“You've been so close to Reza lately,” the topic Brother Andre surprised me.

Although there was no reason for me to feel guilty, that was how I felt when the name of the man appeared. I know there's nothing between us. Although there was something special, it was only her feelings that even most likely had already disappeared without a trace. It's not my fault that someone loves me.

“Why? Sister jealous?” I try to shift my guilt. I'd be happier if I found out Andre's brother was jealous. Maybe that will make him make a decision faster.

Suddenly I wondered, could it be that Brother Andre knew the man's feelings? But why didn't Andre ever say anything? Was he never jealous?

“Slightly,” replied Brother Andre and I stopped stepping. Brother Andre smiled widely, “Of course I am jealous to see you close to another man. Especially when you were angry with me yesterday.”

“That's wrong Brother who is not clear what to do,” I defended myself and stepped back.

“OK, okay. My fault. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to spend as much time with you without her distractions.”

“She promised she wouldn't interfere anymore. He actually supports us.”

“Oh, looks like you guys have talked a lot. What else did he say?”

I never imagined Brother Andre to be jealous but I don't mind occasionally seeing him jealous. I'm glad it made him want me more.

“He didn't say anything else. He will not bother us anymore. So it all just depends Brother,” I remind the most important thing he should think about.

“OK, okay. But,” Brother Andre stopped for a while, “What do you think about the new Reza?”

“A-what does Big Brother mean?”

“Isn't he like a new person. Not much talking. Not harassing. Not easy emotions. You could say he's better.” Andre lays out the most visible changes.

“Iya. What do you think of mature Reza?”

“K-why did Brother ask me? I'm glad he's more mature. It's time he acted his age.”

“Hahaha, I'm just curious.”

“Already. I have to hurry to school.”

I'm walking faster. I don't want any further questions about that. I'm afraid Brother Andre realizes my heart is shaking because of another man. I don't want Andre to doubt me.

And because of the question Andre, for the first time I could not focus on teaching.

Do you think I've unwittingly fallen in love with another man? Is it possible to love two people at the same time? Am I evil to experience that?

I must have gone completely crazy. It took me a few months to fall in love with Andre. But it only took a few days for the man to mess with my heart. I really wouldn't forgive him if all this was just one game for him.

I was annoyed to imagine what could happen if the man grew up sooner. If he didn't act stupid and really chased me back to High School, maybe I fell in love with him. Or at least when I was in college and Andre's brother in England. If only he had decided to mature and approach me, I might not have been this crazy.

At that time Brother Andre encouraged me to open my heart to others. I wouldn't feel so guilty if I fell in love with her. But he decided to act like an adult at the same time that Brother Andre was back. At least when he decided to be friends with Imel he could visit me first. But he came along with Brother Andre.

After thinking about all those possibilities, my heart grew chaotic. All those scenarios show me falling in love with her. I couldn't have fallen in love with her yet if in all those scenarios I chose her.

With that answer, I got even more confused about what to do. What if the more I see her, the more I fall in love. But what if the less I see it, the more I love it.

I just needed some interaction with her to start falling in love. And the more I didn't see it, the more I thought about it.

Can you imagine my dilemma then?

I don't want to fall in love more deeply. I just don't know what to do to stop loving her. I don't even know how I fell in love.

I remember our conversation, loving someone doesn't need a reason.

At that time I knew I was interested in him because of his change. That made me wonder and think about it. But there's no way I'm asking him to come back like his old self. I don't want to lose her new self either.

And after a long time in my dilemma, I realized that he most likely did not love me. There's no way he'd just let me be with Brother Andre if he still loved me.

He didn't even say he loved me. Maybe I was the one who made the decision too soon.

Both the old and the new drive me crazy.

If he doesn't come after me, I don't have to think about it. I just need to focus on Andre. The sooner we date, the better.

It's just that I'm not too sure about that. I don't know when Brother Andre will be ready to be my girlfriend. I'm not sure I can stop thinking about that guy either. Especially after I found out I loved her too.

I'm not even sure I can forget it after I became Brother Andre's girlfriend. There's no guarantee of that and it scares me even more. And I can't do that to Brother Andre.

You want to know what drives me crazy the most? I don't understand how I could fall in love with her when I have someone like Brother Andre in my heart.

That really doesn't make any sense. Andre is much better than him. Nothing is more perfect than Andre. Okay, Kak Andre's only weakness is that Kak Andre wants to be perfect for me.

He was also unable to make a decision immediately. I blame him even more. And I blame me even more.

I don't know what else I want. I want Brother Andre. I was afraid to want that guy. But the more scared, the more I realized I wanted it. Does that make sense?