Rainbow Cloud

Chapter 13

I let Brother Andre escape my snare and gave the man who had my heart the chance to answer all the questions that revolved around my head. I know there's something they're hiding and I intend to find her.

Whatever truth they're hiding, I need to know. I could not face the change in attitude and decision of the two men who were very fast like changing clothes. If I want to hear their true feelings and decisions, I need to know the secrets they are hiding.

Given their sudden arrival, their relationship that was somehow like a close friend, I should have immediately realized there was something they were hiding from me. Seeing my first love coming with my enemies as if there had never been a problem between them, I should have known something was wrong.

I was too blinded by the joy of seeing my first love. Blinded by the anger of seeing my enemy. Then it was blinded by the turmoil in my heart that I felt for my former enemy. But that day I had calmed down and could see things that had been missed.

“I'll pick you up later,” the guy drove me to school. It was the day I promised him and we all appreciate it. Andre behaved as usual. Act as a friend and I don't know how to look at it that way.

But because of his attitude, I realized the difference that appeared in my heart. When the man let me go and supported my relationship with Brother Andre, I could not stem the tears that fell from my heart.

Whereas when Brother Andre behaves as a friend, I can only feel guilty for him.

All this time, I believed in my heart there was only one man. In my mind there was only one man. In my eyes there is also only one, Brother Andre. I never had the intention or need to compare it to anyone else. I never compared my feelings for her to anyone else.

But I forgot. In my heart, mind, and eyes there is also always him. I just never compared it because I never thought about that possibility. I never imagined he would like me either.

I always believed he hated me without knowing why and never finding out why. If I think about it now, it seems like I'm too scared to know why and I never want him to really hate me. I can only follow the game and never really intend to get out of the game.

And I let it stay in my heart.

Do you think I'm stupid? If you hear my story, you must think I'm the dumbest. I myself, after remembering that many times, I feel myself a fool. But I could only remember all of it like a movie playing continuously in my mind even while I was asleep.

At first, I couldn't believe I could fall in love with her. Then I don't want to fall in love with her. I want to forget about it and focus on Brother Andre. But after my heart opened itself to love her, there was nothing more I could do. My heart was filled with him immediately. Totally different from when I fell in love with Andre.

It made me wonder what true love means. Did I understand that love was all this time? Or is this what you call love? Maybe both are in love. I might never know. No one can truly understand love. We can only know the love that comes to us and make decisions and hope not to regret it later.

I probably won't understand the love they feel for me. Who loves me more. Who really loves me. I can only choose to listen to my heart. I have learned to listen and I don't want to stop hearing. Whatever consequences. I feel like that's the best way for everyone.

That afternoon, the man was waiting for me at the gate. When I saw Brother Andre, I wanted to run to him immediately. When I saw it, I felt like I was walking so slowly. I want to see it a little longer. I want to enjoy the figure that stands waiting for me.

Strange that?

They were both handsome men in their own ways. If Brother Andre is alluring with his smile, I find myself captivated by his beautiful eyes. There was something special in his eyes that had hidden his stupid attitude. I could see him when he wanted to show it.

As he honestly became himself, I finally saw the soul that was behind the black eyeballs that had always hypnotized me. It's the same eye that's always been hurting me. But at the same time, it was not the same eye.

Even from 10 meters away I could feel those eyes looking at me in a different way. The way that makes me special. I subconsciously want him to keep looking at me like that.

“You've been waiting a long time?” ask me with a tone that I make as normal as possible. My heart was pounding too fast I was afraid he heard it.

“Not during the rain,” did he smile at me. Had she shown me that smile during High School, I felt I would have fallen in love with her.

His smile was warm and made me feel comfortable. At the sight of Brother Andre's smile, I knew he would always be by my side when I needed him and it calmed me down. His smile always made me sure everything was going to be okay.

But the smile of the man? My instincts said that smile was present on his face because of me. Not narcissistic or arrogant. I just know that and I want to always be the reason to smile so I can always see that smile.

“Rain?” I remember when he broke through the rain and came to save me from the lightning that struck in the distance. “You?”

He scratched his head which I was sure wasn't itchy. “Because you didn't come home, so I waited for you from afar. I didn't expect it to rain that hard all of a sudden.”

My thumping heart became increasingly beyond my control.

He walked me and my feet followed him. I don't choose where we should go. I just followed him like that's what I should have done. Walk by his side no matter where our feet go.

“How do you know?” I asked him the same question but he wouldn't answer. After hearing that he was deliberately waiting for me, I felt even more that I should know all about him.

“You are afraid of lightning?” I'm nodding. “Did you forget we were in the same class for 3 years? Of course there was a lot of heavy rain and lightning during those 3 years.”

I keep waiting for him. I want to know.

He sighed and finally relented, “I saw you a few times. When there is lightning, you will approach your friends and they will try to calm you down.”

I feel like there's another story, “What didn't you tell?”

“OK, okay. I once saw Brother Andre holding your hand and calming you down. I wish I were next to you.”

I wanted to laugh out loud but hold it. I didn't want him to feel like I was laughing at him because I wasn't laughing at him but because of the overflow of happiness from my heart. I don't even remember it much because I didn't really notice it around me when I heard the thunder.

Given how I had forgotten all around me, including the sound of lightning, as he tried to calm me down, my cheeks began to heat up and I turned my face away.

“Hmm, you didn't barge in and bother me?” I tried to divert my heart in jest.

I regret the joke I said. I don't know how good or bad he is. I don't know him as well as I thought.

“I didn't mean it that way.”

He put his hand on my head, “I was just kidding. But I never really wanted to hurt you.”

I looked into his eyes and my next question came out just like that, “Why do you make me hate you?”

He pulled back his hand and continued on his way. I followed beside him and after a few seconds of silence, he answered me. “I don't want to make you hate me. I'm just young. I don't know what to do with my first love.”

I've been pointing my eyes at anything other than him. I can't see it. I didn't know I was in first love. Honestly I feel flattered, special, and more importantly, I'm so happy to hear that.

“Seeing you are in love with Brother Andre, I can only feel annoyed and jealous. And because of my stupidity, I became even more upset because to me it wasn't fair. You're my first love, but I'm not your first love. It makes me mad at you and vents it out on you and Brother Andre.”

I didn't know I had to laugh or cry hearing it. At one time, I once thought that I also wanted to be the first love of Brother Andre. I felt it would be more romantic if we were each other's first love.

But I'm not obsessed with it. I can accept that I am not his first love. I don't mind not being her first love because I'm too obsessed with being her last love.

Who is bothering his first love just because he is not first love? Just her.

“You should have chased after me, not been my enemy.”

“I know.”

We walked until I realized we were on the beach having bad memories with Brother Andre. I don't want to have bad memories with him there. I don't want to have any more bad memories with him.

“Sister Andre says you always bring him here.”

I don't blame him if he's jealous. I'm pretty happy to know she's jealous. But after some bad experiences, I was afraid that the beach would only make bad memories for me.

“This must be a special place for you. You must really like it. I just want to share your favorite place.”

Hearing that reason, there was no way I wouldn't understand what he wanted. He was always jealous, even if it was all out of my consciousness. But that time, just once, I didn't want to make him more disappointed.

If he wants me to share a special place with him, that's what I'll do. I don't want him to be jealous anymore. He was jealous enough.

“But it seems like this place does not bring good luck to my love life. Brother Andre always makes my heart hurt in this place. So if you do the same thing, I'm afraid this beach will no longer be my favorite place.”

I explained it honestly because I really didn't want to hate that beach. It's my favorite beach on the island. That's where I used to calm down. I don't want to remember any bad memories from that beach.

“Then, today we will only make good memories on this beach. So when you go to your favorite beach, you just need to remember me.”

I heard a victory note from him. He's not as mature as I thought he was.

“Do you want to win from Brother Andre?”

He nodded with spirit. “Of course. If that means you chose me, I would be very happy.”

I let him guide our activities. I wonder what he would and would like to do with me. So I let him.

We talked about a lot of things. Starting from hobbies, favorite foods, favorite movies, music, to our dreams in the future. I didn't think we had much in common.

He's a hobby of photography, I never knew that. I thought he was a hobby of exercise. Wait, does that include hobbies? The important thing is now that I know he is a hobby of photography that is close to the hobby of sightseeing. I like to walk. When I heard this, I imagined the two of us walking together. Travel around the world and enjoy the beauty of the world together.

She likes Japanese food just like me. Although our favorite food is not the same, I like sushi and he prefers ramen. I was wondering if he would take me to Japan.

I remember he loved comedy movies. I have always loved romance movies. But aren't there any comedy romance movies?

When we talked about music, I finally knew he could play guitar. He never played guitar in High School.

“Do you want to play a song for me?”

“Actually, every anniversary of you, I want to play a love song for you.”

I never knew it and I blushed. “What from now on you will do that?”

“The first song you heard on your birthday, just think of it as me.”

A rather strange promise but I accepted it. To me, that promise is more romantic than my dreams. I don't need him to be a riding prince and take me to the palace. Just knowing she wanted to be there on my birthday, that was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

To help him, I promised in my heart I would not hear any song before his song. I'll cover my ears and go away from other songs. I'll let it be the first song of my birthday.