Rainbow Cloud

Chapters 10

Andre is still too good. After our conversation, he gave me time to think about his offer once again.

“If you still choose me, I won't let you spend time with him while here,” Andre said at the end of the conversation.

He said I should think about it again so I wouldn't regret it. But I chose it. I really don't understand why Brother Andre doesn't act selfish once in a while. I don't mind looking at Andre's selfish side. Even though he is perfect in my eyes, I know that nothing is perfect in this world.

That night I went to the terrace to observe the stars. I half expected to meet the man who two days ago also enjoyed the sprinkling of stars in the sky. Half of it I wish I hadn't seen.

“Can't sleep anymore?” the man's voice surprised me. That time I went out to the terrace first. But he came shortly afterwards.

“You can't sleep either?” I started to dare to talk to him. But I still dare not look him in the eye. I remembered how I had seen nothing but his two eyeballs when lightning struck and suddenly my heart was racing.

“You could say so. I see the stars every night before I go to sleep. Views that cannot be found in Jakarta.”

I thought the same thing when I first came to the island. I see the night sky every day. I stopped after a few months of living there.

He sat next to me normally. It makes my heart beat faster. I can hear my own heartbeat.

“How is your relationship with Brother Andre? Is there progress?”

My chest hurts when I hear it. Her sincere attitude and good sides make me always want to cry. I realized that moment too even though I didn't know the reason. I tried to make sense on the grounds that I was sorry for years of not being able to see that side of him.

“So Brother Andre finally asked me to be his girlfriend,” my honesty appeared by itself.

“Ah. Isn't that what you always wanted. I'm not bothering anymore so you can enjoy alone time as much.”

He sounds normal. It was as if she was really happy for me and it made the pressure on my chest grow heavier.

“Why did you bother me?” I ventured to look at him. I want to know the honest answer.

I had thought he wouldn't answer as usual but, “I'm jealous. I like you.”

The answer is short, but what if I feel like it's the most romantic thing I've ever heard?

“You are not as surprised as I imagined,” he said trying to make the atmosphere lighter.

“B-these few days made me think of that possibility,” I replied honestly.

He took his eyes off me and I didn't like that. “Hahaha, maybe I should be grateful that you didn't realize it. I'd look pathetic if all this time you knew I loved you.”

“Is that why you hate Brother Andre and start ugly gossip about him?” I've forgiven him but I can't forget some of the things he did.

“I didn't start any ugly gossip about him,” his rebuttal without guilt.

“I still remember you..”

“It wasn't me who started,” he cut my words. “Alex is upset that his girlfriend broke up because of Brother Andre.”

“What do you mean? Brother Andre did nothing,” I automatically defended Brother Andre.

“I know! But Brother Andre often helps Karisa and it makes Alex often quarrel. And when Karisa starts to fall in love with Brother Andre, Alex is furious and starts the gossip.”

“That's not Andre's fault. Brother Andre does not seduce Karisa and there is no intention of damaging their relationship,” my rebuttal defends the good name of Kak Andre.

“I know. And everyone knows it too. Doesn't no one believe the gossip?”

Indeed, the incident did not have a negative impact on Brother Andre. No one believes it but that doesn't mean that few talk about it. And I was so upset every time someone talked about it.

She's speechless. I feel a little guilty for thinking he started it. Alex was his best friend and I immediately thought it was his plan. Maybe I didn't really know him all this time. Maybe I misunderstood him and he wasn't as bad as I thought.

“Important that I promised not to bother you again so you don't have to worry,” he finally broke the silence of the night.

“You don't love me anymore?” I sincerely want to know the answer to that question. I don't know what answer I want but I have to know the truth.

He observed my expression as if figuring out the right answer. I just need his honesty.

“I've decided to support you. You don't have to worry about me.”

Stupid jerk. I really wanted to scold her when I heard that answer. I'm not worried about him. I am more worried about my heart.

“Why did you give up without doing anything? Am I not important to you?”

He was surprised by my question. I was also quite surprised. He let out a long sigh before looking at me with a look that made me forget everything around me. I don't know why he always does that to me.

“If the situation is different. If I hadn't been to this island. If I hadn't been to this island with Brother Andre maybe I'd have done everything for you to love me.”.

“Then why did you bring him here?!”

The longer my question took us both by surprise. It seems like my instinct or my heart is taking over my body so say it all.

“Gis,” he says my name gently. So soft that it hurts.

Andre's words are right. Even after he stopped being my enemy, my energy when dealing with him was always greater than when dealing with other people, including Brother Andre.

I could only try my hardest to divert my energy to stop the tears that were already about to drip. I no longer cry in front of him.

“Now I just want to see you happy. Seeing you happy with Brother Andre has made me satisfied. And since you have forgiven me, even given me the chance to say my feelings, I am truly grateful.”

I said I don't want to cry in front of him anymore. But his tone when talking to me made me feel a sadness I didn't know its origin. Again my tears came. And again she wiped my tears gently and patiently. His actions only made my tears flow more and more.

“It looks like I was destined only to make you cry. I'm sorry.”

He doesn't have to apologize for that. My crying was not his fault. At least it was different from my angry cries. My tears just couldn't stop as if my body wanted the warm touch on my face not to go away.

Don't you think it's all funny? When she didn't want to do anything to make me fall in love with her, I fell in love so quickly. When I was about to get Brother Andre, I realized how much I wanted the man in front of me. And the man I want wants me to be happy with Brother Andre.

“If you want me to be happy with Brother Andre, don't be nice and friendly to me. Come back childish as before. Be my enemy again,” I said in between sobs.

I could feel his hand freeze for a while before he pulled it away from my face. In my heart I wondered if he would return to be my enemy. If he's my enemy again, I don't have to love him, do I?

He opened his mouth but there was no sound I could hear. He really let me go with Brother Andre and I can no longer see him. I stood up and left him alone. I entered the room and locked the door. I still cry on my bed.

Can I still accept Brother Andre when I know I want another man?

Do I have to forget the love I just found because he let me go?

That night, I felt that if I accepted Brother Andre's offer, I would only use it to bury the love that grew so quickly outside of my control. If only I could change that man's mind.

But I don't want to hurt Andre. I still love her.

Can I go back to loving only Brother Andre? Back to when I didn't open my heart to other men. But it will make Brother Andre burdened. And to be with Brother Andre, shouldn't I promise not to be stubborn?

I don't know how long I cried and thought about love before I fell asleep. For all I know, that night I wish everything was just a dream. I wish I could wake up and my heart is filled only with Brother Andre. Unfortunately I know it can't happen again.