Rainbow Cloud

Chapter 11's

My eyes are swollen from crying too much. In order not to make you anxious, I forced myself to wake up the morningest, avoid people at home, and early in the morning had gone to school. I don't want to talk about why I'm crying. Just remembering it makes me want to cry again.

I was saying goodbye to Grandma so I didn't go completely quietly. Fortunately I did not see the man. I don't want him to think anything. He has decided to let me go and I just need to learn to accept that. Accept that I should forget it too.

My students who are still in the 1st grade of Elementary School fortunately do not understand why my eyes are swollen. They innocently thought my eyes hurt and prayed for me to heal quickly. I thank them. May their prayers come soon and my heart be healed soon.

The other teachers just look at me for pity but no one is nosy to find out. I can feel their sight but I don't really care. I decided I would tell Brother Andre everything and if he accepted me anyway, I would focus all my heart and soul on him. And as per his request, I will only spend time with him.

Even though I don't want to go home soon and risk seeing the man who made me cry, I still have to go home. After my secret departure, if I don't go home soon, they will definitely worry about me. I also avoided the possibility of the man coming to school and I was alone with him.

“Gis, you came home quickly today,” grandma greeted me. I could feel my eyes were not too swollen so I didn't have to hide them.

“Iya, New.”

“Tomorrow holidays, you can rest if you are tired. Later Grandma bring food to your room.”

My attitude has made people anxious. “Not necessary. I just want to change clothes after I eat. Grandma has eaten?”

“Already. Everyone has lunch. But it seems like your two friends are having a fight.”

“Ha?! What happened?” I just realized I didn't see both. The last thing I want is for them to fight because of me.

“Grandmother also did not know. They almost hit each other so Grandma told Reza to come out. After Andre had calmed down, he also came out. Grandma thought she was going to pick you up. You didn't see it?”

If they fight, I have to stop them immediately. That's the only thing I think about. So without changing clothes, I just put down my bag and ran outside. I don't know where the two of them are but the island is small and I'm sure I can find them.

I can just run and keep running. I asked some people I met but no one saw them. Meeting those people, I remembered that I had not visited them in the past few days.

Usually, even though I was just busy going to school and going home to my grandmother, I sometimes took the time to walk around the island and greet the residents. This week I was too busy with my heart's business that I didn't get to say hello. I haven't even introduced my two friends to them.

After running for quite a while and sweat started dripping from my forehead, I remembered one place that had recently brought bad memories to me. I only brought Brother Andre there so I doubt if that man also found the beach.

I thought there was no harm in trying and I immediately turned back towards the beach behind the school.

They were on that beach. From a distance I could see them both standing face to face. From their stiff posture and ready to attack each other, I knew they were still fighting. I still hadn't heard their conversation so I ran faster. I shouted out to them in the hope that they would realize my arrival and stop whatever they were doing.

“Kak Andre! Reza!”

“Gisel?” they both call me.

I took a deep breath first. I had trouble breathing after running around looking for them.

“Grandma says you guys are fighting.” They looked at each other and then fell silent. “Why did you guys suddenly fight? Aren't we all better now?”

“This time it was not me who started,” the man replied so I turned to look at Brother Andre.

“I...” Brother Andre did not continue his words.

Those few days were really full of torture for me. My first love came with my enemy who later became my former enemy. Then my first love wouldn't explain why she wouldn't date me even if she loved me. If I didn't know Andre very well, I would think he was just giving me false hope and not really loving me.

Just like that is not enough to make me tormented, I fell in love with my former enemy who has been my enemy for loving me. And after I fell in love with her, she decided to support my relationship with Brother Andre.

Brother Andre also only wants to accept the status of courtship with me if I promise not to be stubborn in love with him. The thing I just learned after I fell in love with the man who kept making me cry.

Can you imagine how chaotic my days were? I can't control their feelings and decisions. But I also can't control my feelings and decisions.

I felt like they didn't really love me. One man wants me not to stubbornly love him. The other guy let me be happy with another guy. I really can't understand their way of thinking.

They're both really stupid. And it made me feel even more stupid to be in love with both of them.

“You have to explain to me. I was already so tired of all this,” my voice trembled either because of the sadness and stress that accumulated or because of my anger towards the two of them. “You guys suddenly came to visit me without telling me in advance. Then Brother Andre did not want to date me because I had been stubbornly loving Brother. And you,” I looked at the man. “You came to apologize and support me with Brother Andre. Once I know how you feel, you say you let me go. But why are you treating me so well?! If you've given up, don't show up in front of me!”

“I know,” she smiled thinly and at the same time I know I don't want that. I don't want that answer or that kind of smile. But I dare not say what I want.

“I won't appear in front of you again. You don't have to think about me anymore. I don't even intend to be your friend. You can forget me. You just need to love Brother Andre with all your heart and not have to worry about me.”

“Reza!” Brother Andre snapped at him.

I couldn't say anything at the time. Not because of hearing Brother Andre yell at him but because his eyes were full of sadness.

“I'm serious,” said the man to Brother Andre. “I even plan to find another place to stay while here. I won't bother you guys.”

I want to cry again hearing all of this. Hearing him that serious about wanting to forget me was painful. Even if he told me to forget about it, what if I couldn't forget it? What if I don't want to forget?

Whaddya think? Wasn't he the most selfish and self-absorbed man. He never thought about my feelings. He was just a coward who did not dare to listen to his own heart. And I love that coward.

“I know how you feel about Gisel all these years. And since I haven't been in Gisel's life for a long time, I plan to compete fairly with you. But you want to run away? Aren't you going to regret it?!”

Among the many men on the face of the earth, I really don't know if I'm lucky or not for loving them both.

“I don't need to compete with you. Are you not aware of our situation now? I just want Gisel to be happy and only you can do it. How long do you want to hesitate?!” the man clutched Andre's shirt. Andre did the same.

“I also want Gisel to be happy. I don't want him to regret it. That's why I gave you a chance!”

“I've said it from the beginning. I don't need a chance. Do you want to waste your time on this island?!”

“Then what about you?!”

They forgot I was there too. But I don't understand what they're talking about or the direction they're talking about.

“You know he always loved you. He's always waiting for you. You can't let it wait any longer.”

“But he also deserves to know the real you.”

“For what? He only needs you.”

“Stupid basis! Have you not been watching him all this time. How did you not realize it?! Or are you pretending not to realize it?!” Brother Andre is getting upset and I'm afraid he said something I kept secret.

Brother Andre's words managed to make the man quiet. They were just looking at me and seemed to still forget about my existence.

Shamed and annoyed at being ignored, I finally decided to be honest with them. “I love you both! Somehow, but I love you guys and I can't choose. I know I have to choose one of you, but I really don't know yet.”

The man was still petrified looking at me who was blushing. Brother Andre took advantage of that time to break away and take some distance.

“Therefore you cannot escape. Your own fault suddenly apologized. If you apologize after I explain everything, Gisel won't be this loud.”

I didn't expect Brother Andre to still be looking for things. It seems like he was really upset that guy managed to make me fall in love.

“B-how can you love me... after all I did?”

“You think I know?!” my jolt covered the embarrassment that began to crawl my entire body. “Now you can't fight anymore. But from your talk, do you really love me?” I was half-tempting and half-sincerely curious.

“What do you mean?” they asked simultaneously.

“Kak Andre pushed Reza after me. Reza pushed Andre with me. It seems like no one really wants me,” obviously I'm short.

“Sure I want you,” again they talk together. Don't they have different words?

I just shut up. I waited for one of them to explain something to me because I didn't know where to start asking. There are so many things that I don't understand and make me curious.

“Hmm, I didn't expect you to like me either. Therefore, I intend to support you and Brother Andre,” the man explained slowly and called Brother Andre as usual. He seems to forget his manners when he's angry. Just like her old self but I no longer hate her.

“I just want you to listen more to your heart, Gis. I know you love me, but you have to listen to your heart if the feeling of love turns into another love,” Andre explained from his point of view.

Hearing Brother Andre's words, I wanted to scold him again because it was the same as if he didn't believe I loved him. But I didn't get angry because I thought maybe what he said was true. Maybe my love for Brother Andre has changed shape but I don't want to see it. And he saw it.

After all these years of not seeing each other, there's a good chance my feelings have changed. I still love her. But the distance between us allows my love to grow bigger, or turn into another kind of love. I'm just too stubborn and don't want to think about it.

I don't know much about love either. There was nothing I could do but wait for him.

“Therefore I returned to Indonesia with the intention of making you fall in love with me again.” I was surprised by Andre's intentions. I felt touched because she wanted to make me love her again even though she knew I loved her so much. “But when I see you, I know you still believe so much I am your soul mate and don't care what's really in your heart. That's why I didn't ask you to be my girlfriend right away. But seeing your interaction with Reza, I was a little jealous, so I decided to date you even with a stupid reason. I don't want to lose you.”

I didn't expect that at all. But I like to see the honesty of Andre. Maybe his new side can also make me fall more in love with him. “If Big Brother says like that, I can take it. I promise to listen to my heart and make decisions that I will not regret. But promise me whoever I choose, we can still be friends.”

“Sure. I will accept whatever your decision is. And I've said many times, I like our relationship and don't want to ruin it,” Brother Andre quickly promised me.

“I'm not your friend,” the man's remark came back painful. “But if you choose Brother Andre, I will be happy if you can give me a place in your heart as a friend.” And when her words didn't hurt, it really touched my heart.

“OK. So how are we going to do it?” I don't want to think for myself about how to solve this.

“We can date alternately. Day with me. A day with him,” Brother Andre easily gives advice.

“That's a good idea,” said the man.

And that's how I finally had a promise to date the two men who had space in my heart. It turns out that grandmother's advice is the best. It would have been easier if I had been honest from the beginning.

But even though we had to take a winding road before we could finally be honest with each other, even though I had to cry and hurt myself, even though they had to fight first, I liked that path.

The reality of life is not as easy as theory. But going through trials after trials until I can do it according to theory is truly a worthwhile experience. I learned a lot of things. I learned to be honest. I learned to listen to my heart more often. I learned to try to understand others.

And in the end, I realized that I could do something I had to do, even if it was painful and scary. I realized that I had become stronger than I was before. I realized that I had the strength and courage to keep moving forward.