Rainbow Cloud

Chapter 8's

I'm not going for a walk with Brother Andre. I was too confused and tired to think about the two men. Every time I get one decision, I am always dissatisfied and immediately look for another decision.

Brother Andre didn't ask anything and I didn't see the figure of the man. I locked myself in my room. I don't even want to go out for dinner. I can't see them both. I don't know how to see them.

When I think of Brother Andre, I think of that man. When I think of that man, I think of Brother Andre.

Loving one person is enough to make me dizzy and I actually fell in love with two people. Even if it's out of my control, I can only blame myself.

Seeing my strange demeanor, grandma decided to become a wise elder and walked into my room. The only place I could lean back at that time was just grandma.

“You didn't have dinner?”

“I have no appetite, Grandma.”

Grandma took a comfortable place in my bed to sit down. “What's up? You can tell Grandma.”

I still don't want to talk.

“What because of those two men? Because they both love you?”

I just saw grandma panicking. “Kak Andre does love me. And I love her. But Reza can't love me,” I justify the facts to grandma even though I'm not sure what the facts are.

Grandma laughs, “Trust Grandma. They both love you very much. They can't be here if they don't love you.”

“Reza just dropped off Brother Andre. He's just here to apologize to me. Grandma doesn't know. He was my sworn enemy...before.”

“From your words, Grandma doesn't know if you want Reza to love you or not.”

Hearing that I can only look down. I don't know myself. Maybe I know but just reject it.

“Grandmother just doesn't want you to regret. Try spending time with them. Listen heart. Who you really love.”

“If it were that easy I wouldn't be this loud,” I murmured.

“It's not as difficult as you imagine. You just have to be honest with them. Tell me what you want to say. And listen to what they want to say.”

Grandma's advice sounds good and wise. But that's just a theory. And theory is not that easy to apply in the real world. If it were easy, then the peace of the world would have been realized.

Grandma squeezed both my hands. “You are innocent. No one can control what our hearts desire. It's not your fault you're in love with Reza.”

“But I can still choose. At least the decision is in my hands.”

“Then what you fear. Just take the decision,” Grandmother challenged me and I did not appreciate her attitude back then.

“It's not as easy as flipping a palm. Much to consider,” my rebuttal is serious.

“Rather than you are confused yourself, you better ask them for help making your decision. If you don't talk to them, how do you know how they feel. How do you know the facts they haven't told you. And once you know more, your decision will also be better. At least you don't have to regret it.”

I digest Grandma's words well. It wasn't easy either, but I didn't know how Reza felt. I also don't know why Brother Andre wouldn't date me. There's still a lot I don't know and I'm confused myself.

“At least spend time with them. Do not avoid and confine yourself. As long as they're here, you can't escape anywhere. Better spend the time there as well as possible.”

As long as we were on the island, we did not escape easily. Inevitably, we must have met. And I have to find out about a lot of things from both of them. I can't keep avoiding them.

“Well, now we have dinner first, yes?” grandma stood up and waited for me.

I stood up and followed Grandma. I know I'm not ready to face them both. My feelings are still chaotic and I don't know what to say in front of them. I don't know how I should start to finish everything. I don't know where to start.

All I can do is not avoid them. I have to prepare myself and face them.

And when I saw the two men sitting waiting for me with a table full of food, I immediately lowered my head. I'm not ready yet. I don't know what got into me and got me out of the room. Oh yes, grandma.

Grandma pushed me to sit in my chair, right in front of Brother Andre. I was grateful at least Brother Andre was sitting in front of me so I didn't need to see the man. Because I can feel for myself that the new turmoil of love is much stronger than the old. If it continues to be left, my heart will be filled with new love and I am not ready to receive it.

“You're better?” Brother Andre asked me about my condition. I feel guilty for him again.

“Iya,” I replied.

“Already, let's eat first,” grandma seems to know I still don't know what to do in front of them. I couldn't even look at them for more than three seconds. To make matters worse, I could not look at the man at all.

Even if I know what to do, I can't do it. At least that night I couldn't do it. And it's nobody's fault.