My Sacrifice is worthless

Surgaku Go

Ita, as soon as the closest people call me. I was born on the island of Borneo, the Equator. As the first of four children.

From childhood, I was taught to live independently by my mother and father. Learning to be responsible for myself and my siblings.

Mother is a hard but loving figure. He always stood up for me when my father started to act rude to me for my trivial and unintentional mistakes not even my faults.

The hand that was supposed to guide me so lightly landed on my small body. I could only cry and run hiding behind my mother's body.

For only 8 years I could feel my mother's embrace and defense, right as I was in the third grade of elementary school, Mom breathed her last. It was cloudy as if it surrounded us.

God loves my mother more. After more than 4 years the mother struggled with her lung disease. Not TB, but someone poisoned my mother.

After my mother left, we stayed with my grandmother. My father's mother because I had to go back to another town to make a living for us.

Fitri and I chose not to go to school on the day of class. Our teachers deeply regretted our decision to drop out of school because we were among the most accomplished children in school, but the economic downturn was a major factor and for the sake of my younger siblings.

My grandmother can't be said to be a loving grandmother, she's just like my father. My sister and I Nur have always been an outlet for her anger. However, other than his attitude with Fitri and my youngest brother Aji, he can be gentle in his attitude.

I, the first child, had to give up a lot for my brothers, even though I did not understand what the struggle of life was out there.

A few months after I quit school, I was offered to accompany the grandson of Mr. Kades in my village. She was 5 years old, named Mia. Accompany him from 07.00 am to 17.00 pm with a wage of two hundred rinu at that time. For me the nominal is already quite large for my age, I can use to help grandmother shop for kitchen needs to eat us at home.

I thought with me at work, grandma would be nice to me. But not at all. Grandma was just being sweet when I handed her my money, after which she would act like she always did, thin and rude.

Sad, very sad but for the sake of my sisters, I'm willing. My father only comes home once a month because of the distance he works from our village. Can travel half a day using public transportation because we do not have our own vehicle.

A year after the death of the mother, the father intends to remarry with an old girl named Tina ma'am. Our residence is only different villages but still one sub-district. At first I didn't approve of my father's marriage, because there are many stories that stepmothers aren't as good as our own. However, whatever the power of a child my age, even talking I do not dare to voice my heart.

The day of the wedding was simple at the home of the bride's family who were my grandmother's neighbors. Married only religiously, which is important to be valid according to religion, because this is his second marriage. My brother and I were not even photographed together at the time. I don't know if our stepmother likes us or not, it's important that you're happy and someone helps me take care of my sisters.

After the wedding, my father no longer worked out of town, but chose odd jobs such as picking coconuts from his tree and rice-catering with my stepmother who happened to own several plots of rice fields.

A year of father and mother marriage, they were given a healthy son and we all loved him. Coinciding with that, in my stepmother's village was the rice harvest season that most of the rice paddies owners there were looking for people who could harvest rice. My grandmother was interested and took us all to my stepmother's village. We were happy to be together with my father and stepmother. I want to feel like I have a whole family.

Mother was initially kind and motherly to us. But that was before he had his own child. After our little sister was born, I often saw my stepmother scolding my sisters and did not hesitate to pinch them to the point of turning bluish on my thighs or the hands of my sisters. I who saw the incident, can only cry without being able to defend let alone tell the truth to my grandmother and father because they will not believe.

***

That morning, I was invited by my grandmother to accompany him to the rice field to harvest the neighboring rice, while my three sisters were left at home. I'm happy because after the harvest or break time I can use to pick vegetables or find golden snails for our side dishes to eat. It's simple, but at least I don't have to wait for mom to split our side dishes when eating. Ah .. There is still gratitude in my heart because my age can cook vegetables and side dishes. Before my mother died, she had taught me so much that I didn't have to bother anyone else she said when she died. And it happened. The sky will not always be bright waiting for the blue sky.

After we came back from the rice fields I heard my sister Fitri crying. "Why Deck? How crying?" ask me about Fitri.

"Mother hit me on the head with a serving of wood, Sis ..," she cried louder and louder with some hot rice still left over her hair.

Kuraba Fitri's head, there's a pretty big bump. Grandma who saw her favorite granddaughter crying in pain, immediately went into the house without washing her feet first full of mud to the mother.

"What are you doing, Fitri Tina?" asked grandma with a thunderous voice in broad daylight filled the house while blotting the waist.

"Ah ..your granddaughter is ma'am. yunya just eat. I asked to stir the rice in the boiler only she could not," said the mother in a voice no less loud while holding her child.

"You don't see Fitri's body can't reach the height of the boiler Tina ..?" grandma still did not accept while stroking Fitri's head.

"Here you go, I'd better bring all these useless maternal grandchildren back to your house, here with my rice alone," said the mother did not want to lose.

At the time of the incident, the father had not returned from picking coconuts belonging to his jury. My grandmother asked me to pack our clothes to take home. When we finished, we left without eating first along the village road far enough to get to the river bank. There is a motorized water vehicle that we can ride in the direction of the sub-district market.

Tired and hungry, of course, I can only endure it. In our area, hitting using rice dishes made of wood is strictly prohibited. Abstinence said grandmother because it could cause a short age affected by her blow. Wallahu'alam, only Allah is All-Knowing.

An hour away from the river, we arrived at the sub-district market. Grandma bought some kitchen spices for us to cook with the golden snail I obtained from the rice field this morning and a little rice.

Arriving at home my grandmother and I rushed to cook because my sisters already looked very hungry. The youngest who sleeps in a sling, Grandma lay in the room.

After we had all finished lunch, that could no longer be said to be daytime. Soon a greeting was heard from someone outside the house, who turned out to be our neighbor Bi Atik. "Assalamualaikum Mak, busy no?"

"Waalaikumussalam, enter Tik. not busy, just finished eating," replied the grandmother.

"Just got home from Tina's house, Mom? How's harvest?"

"Yes it was noon Tik came home, there was an incident there so we had to go home before the harvest was over."

"What event is Mak? Kan dear in the harvest there are still many who give the harvest rewards, right Mak?" ask bi Atik again.

"Tina hit Fitri using a wooden serving Tik. Tina asks Fitri to stir the rice in the boiler. Yes you must know, Fitri is not yet how high, while the kitchen there exceeds our adult waist level. We were expelled by Tik, ngabis-ngabisin his rice there," explained granny Pilu.

"Yes already Mak, from tomorrow I just insert the skin of coconut milk that has been peeled from the shell of Mak loh. They are looking for a lot of employees. More production is much-demand," asked Bi Atik.

"Alhamdulillah then Tik. I'd like to come, but my grandchildren how's Tik at home?" grandma looked confused.

"Emak Masakin aja they before leaving Mak. Fitri can already rely on you to take care of Nur and Aji right? While Ita can Mak invite and to collect his sheep. You see, if we are not nimble to take part, it could not be Mak material," said bik Atik.

"Well, Tik, I want to. Anyway, we need to eat and milk for Aji. Her father was not expected since she was married again, "grandmother looked ahead.

"What time do we leave, Tik?"

"The pickup truck usually comes at 05.00 dawn Mak, so we wait in the market only."

"Tomorrow, I'll go to your house first yes, we're together" she said.

"Yes mak, yes I said first Mak, it's late afternoon. Don't forget to bring lunch tomorrow. Assalamualaikum."

"Yes Tik. ." atalaikumussalam."

I saw Grandma speechless, probably thinking how tomorrow she would leave her grandchildren to work.

Before going to bed, Grandma called me and Fitri. Grandma said that tomorrow my grandmother and I will work. Fitri is asked to take care of Nur and Aji.

Nur, then five years old and Aji 16 months old, will not be easy to look after them. Moreover, Aji has just been able to walk and has to take extra care of him. Fitri agreed with what Grandma said. Before 05:00 we were ready, hoping nothing untoward would happen.

Arriving at the market, the car was waiting. We also rushed to the big truck. Arrived at PT kelp which we went to grandma registered as a new employee.

I have to nimbly collect coconut for grandma peel skin that will be washed clean and weigh. One kg we get five hundred rupiah. The results of the clean coconut peel will be made various types of products including for cosmetics.

A few months working there my grandmother and I had been fluent in using a special sharp knife to peel. Although at first I had to get injuries on some of my fingers but it did not dampen my spirit for a bite of rice.

That Sunday morning, we had a guest. We happened to be on holiday working. Bi Utin and Pak Kus husband and wife with their son sister Tia who is 3 years old above me.

The aunt brought many hands. There is rice, oil, instant noodles, and fish. Of course grandma was very happy. Enough to eat for two weeks, my grandmother said. Alhamdulillah ...

It turns out that their arrival to the house, intend to invite one of us to stay with them to accompany his only child while they work. They work in a local office in their city.

"Mother, let Fitri or Ita come with me to the house, to accompany Tia Mak." pinta Bik Utin expressed his intention.

"Don't you trouble Utin? my grandchildren never come with anyone else."

"Of course not Mak, we know they're good kids. I'll have them go back to school so that their future is assured. Reduce your burden here."

I overheard Grandma and Bibik's conversation between happy and haru. It's nice to be back in school and sad to have to leave my sisters far apart. I saw Grandma thinking who she would choose to join Bik Utin. His breath was so heavy.

"Calm down, Mom. Every month, on Sundays they can come home here, or the Mother who goes to our house, God willing there will be money to spend for their Mother and sisters," comfort aunt assured.

Grandma is still weighing who grandma will let go to re-knit her future. However, his grandchildren are the trust of his late son-in-law who he must keep. Breathing again sounded, grandma sipped her pitch black coffee slowly.

"Well Utin, you may take Ita with you, educate her and take care of her like your own child because she is the firstborn who also has to educate her sisters later, breaking up grandmother.

"Alhamdulillah ... Yes Mak certainly is, it is impossible for Utin to waste the child Mak stray. Especially Utin himself .. Isn't that right, sir?"

"Yes Mak, God willing we will educate Ita like our own child," said Mr. Kus.

"Alhamdulillah then Utin and son Kus. I trust my mother's grandchildren to you. Just take care of Ita's school transfer letter at her old school. It's been a year since Ita quit school, the report is still there."

"Yes Mak, we will stay here tonight, tomorrow morning we will go to Ita mak school."

Fitri and I who play on the porch with Nur, Aji and Kak Tia look at each other to hear the conversation of grandma and Bik Utin. It was hard to leave my sisters, we never separated let alone for many years. But for the future I must be strong.

The next day I was with my aunt at school asking for a transfer letter. I should be in fourth grade of elementary school right now. School business is finished, after the dzuhur later we will leave for my uncle and aunt. I packed the clothes as necessary because it made Utin say, many Tia's clothes that no longer fit, so I can use it while there. Alhamdulillah ...

I'm like a simalakama fruit, all wrong. Fitri and I have never been separated, let alone our age is only one year different. Where I am there is him. The clock shows at 1pm, we are getting ready to leave. I say goodbye to grandma. Dad didn't come home, because no one was preaching it. Grandma and Fitri were crying and letting go of me, and so did I. I went to come back. May this be the path God has given us to improve our future destiny.

***

Arriving at the fairly large two-story Bik Utin house, fitting facing the royal family's special cemetery Amantubillah. The cemetery here is not as scary as the cemetery in the village. The tomb on the wall is green, with a gold gate, oenuh accent typical of the kingdom.

In the house of Bik Utin there is not only a nuclear family, but also another nephew Bibik. That's Mimin and Ijum's brother who is a sibling. Kak Mimin sits in third grade High School, Ijum first grade High School.

The next day, Bi Utin took me to a new school. There, I was accepted in fifth grade. I skipped a year of lessons I passed. I hope I can catch up with me.