MY LOVELY AUTHOR'S

DARKNESS BELONGS TO WALLFLOWER PART 4

            Sometimes. . I think the darkness that so many people often fear is the most comfortable place for me. When it was dark and could not see anything, I felt safe from the many eyes that looked at me with a gaze like I was the most disgusting creature in the world. From my schoolmates, the teacher who taught me, my parents, my two brothers to my co-workers, their gazes were always the same: my: they think of me as a disgusting creature that should not have been born in this world.

            Since I was a victim of bullying at school and lost the trust of my teachers, both my parents who always attach great importance to the opinions of others judged me to be a troublesome child. I did nothing wrong, nor did I make the family's good name tainted, but because of the words of my friends, because of getting into their trap, I who was the victim was hated by everyone.

            Because Garry the head of the OSIS likes me, Lusi hates me. Deep hatred makes Lusi then blame me for his hard efforts to get Garry failed.  In various ways Lusi tried to make everyone near me hate me as much as he felt me. My friends started to leave me even my friends who initially always supported and helped me finally chose to leave me.

            Not satisfied with all my losses, Lusi framed me and made me a cheating student during the exam. After that. . I lost all my teachers' trust and everyone's trust. For a month. .I locked myself in my house and for a month I heard the babble of my parents who regretted giving birth to me into the world just to give them trouble.

            After that. . .my family moved my school to my grandmother's house out of town and let me live with my elderly Grandma out of town.

            In the past. . . I wonder why Lusi blamed me for the feelings Garry didn't even want me to have? I tried so hard at every step of my life and it was smashed to pieces just because of someone I never even imagined and the hatred of someone who shouldn't have led to me.            

            From that incident I learned to keep a distance with anyone both women and men. I try not to look attractive and pleasant in the eyes of others to avoid the same tragedy repeated in my life.

            But the tragedy was repeated again when I got accepted to work and now. The attention I received from someone led me to the same disaster and situation again. Though. . . I never asked for that attention, nor did I ever expect that much attention, but why did they hate me for what I didn't want??

            Why do I always experience this and end up being hated?

            Why and why?

*

            Narrator’s POV

            “You okay, Arata?” Warda asked Arata who had just arrived at the hospital where Asha was being treated.

            “I'm fine, Miss Warda.” Arata sat beside Warda while looking at Asha who was still lying unconscious with her hands connected to the infusion. “How is Author? He's okay, right?”

            “Asha is fine. His body is fine, but not mentally. What you saw was a response from his mind to maintain his sanity. His mind was trying to protect itself from the bad memories he had experienced,” explained Warda who stared sadly at Asha. “Who did he meet until he experienced this again?”

            “Bora and a woman named Lusi. I think he's an old acquaintance of Author.”

            “Ah, Lusi. Asha once told me that, it's just that I never met her in person.”

            Arata's eyes are interested in hearing Warda's remarks about the old story of Asha and the cause of Asha collapsing again. “Can Miss Warda tell me about a bad thing that happened to Author? And why did Miss Warda leave a message to Kak Rama for me to keep Author on set?”

            Warda smiled looking at Arata. “I ask you to look after Asha because you are a fan of Asha as well as her lucky star.”

            “Star of luck?” Arata looked at Warda with a curious face.

            Arata looked at Asha who was still in a state of unconsciousness and smiled slightly. Basic Author. . . You always call me a shitty prick when you meet me. But when behind me, you call me a lucky star. Isn't that unfair?? Should have. .. From the beginning you called me a lucky star if you thank me, Author. Arata's smile widens imagining himself teasing Asha when she wakes up later. If you're aware, I'll have to make a calculation with you, Author. I must hear for myself from your mouth that summons your lucky stars.

            “Then what about the reason Author collapsed, Miss Warda?”

            Warda narrowed his eyes looking towards Arata. “Before I told you that I was curious about one thing.”

            “What is it, Miss Warda?” Arata asked nervously.

            Warda looked suspiciously at Arata. “Why are you so considerate of Asha?”

            “Bu-isn't that what Miss Warda asked me to do when I visited you in the hospital? You even kept the fact that I was the main character in the movie Love Like Ectasy from Author, because you wanted to ask me to take care of her,” Arata became more nervous than ever. Arata knows Warda is an editor of Asha who has a high curiosity. Once his attention is interested, Warda will not be willing to let go.

            “What if I don't ask you to do that? Will you keep Asha, Arata?”

            Arata threw away his face trying to stay away from the full gaze of search from Warda. “Te-of course I'll keep doing it. He is my idol and I am a fan of him. I'll do my best as a fan.”

            “Ehmmmm. . This is getting suspicious.” Warda continued to stare at Arata with a probing gaze even as she felt that Arata was beginning to be distracted by the gaze he gave. “I also remember well, the condition that you ask to be a guest star in the Author Wallflower signature event is to see a photo of the real owner of the Wallflower name. You. . . actually probably already know the figure behind the name Wallflower, right?”

            Arata shifted a little because he felt the probing gaze from Warda that made him a little bit angry. “Can I not answer that question, Miss Warda?”

            “Ya. . . yes. . . I won't ask again. I won't ask because I know you have no ill intentions towards Asha.”

            Arata turned his head to look towards Warda with a slightly sharp look in surprise. “Of course I have no ill intentions.  Author is my idol and to me. . . She is also my lucky star, Miss Warda.”

            “Alright since I'm sure you will never have bad intentions with Asha, I will tell you what Asha once told me about her dark past, the reason for refusing to get out of his apartment, the reason he doesn't want to be near you and the reason he collapsed.”

            After that Arata just silently listened to the story of Warda about the owner of the Wallflower pen name. Arata just silently listened with his eyes fixed on Asha who was still lying on her bed. Arata would occasionally stare at Asha and Arata would occasionally lower his gaze because he could not imagine his idol suffering so much in the past.

            Half an hour passed, Warda finally shut his mouth when the story ended. Before leaving Asha's ward, Warda gave Arata a final message. “I want you to keep this a secret from Asha, Arata. Pretend you don't know until Asha tells you. For Asha, her past was something she wanted to forget and buried deeply.

            “I understand, Miss Warda. Thank you for telling me this, finally. . . I know why the Author is scared like that.”