Materialistic

7-First Test

"Speaking without a mirror is like putting dirt right in front of your face."

•••

Big decisions I've made. My fight is long and this is the beginning. After saying readiness to Papah, I followed his advice so that I would not falter again. But what I experienced was just the opposite, my mind fought each other to voice two different sides, to make my firmness again weakened. I don't want to continue what I said. And just want to retract the words that I have issued. The words that Papah uttered made my heart even more worried.

"Yes, you also want to drive Papah to hell because it does not close the aurat."

The simple words are so jutted in memory. It dawned on me to go back to what I had decided. Giving up before struggling is not my nature that is so fond of challenges. I will try it, in the hope that Allah will give me the Istiqomahan. I dare not say that I 'm emigrated', the word is too heavy and I do not think it will be able to reach it. I'm just trying to fix myself in a better direction.

Don't think I was wearing rich clothes that day. Not at all. I was wearing only jeans, and a long-sleeved shirt too, a rectangular piece of cloth that I had deliberately folded like a triangle covered the head. I can't yet wear the shar'i clothes I should be wearing. Honestly, it's still hard and hard for me. By using closed clothes even though it still shows the legs of my level alone has been fighting desperately. I want to enjoy the process, step by step. Everything takes a process and it is impossible to be that fast to abandon old habits and replace them with new ones. That's not an easy thing. Real hard.

"Are you sure you'll go to college dressed like this? You don't want to play with the rules of religion. Dismantling the hijab is not a trivial matter, it is a big sin. Mamah does not want tomorrow or the day after you change your mind," said Mamah when I just sat on the dining table chair. The worried and anxious look was very clear on his face.

"Doain is the best time, Mah. Not even for me to drop," I said while receiving a plate that has been filled with rice and side dishes.

Mamah let out a rough breath and said, "Your decision is too sudden, and honestly it makes Mama afraid. Afraid that it's just a spontaneous desire because you can't refuse Papah's request." I was silent and could not answer. Choosing to put rice in the mouth is the right choice for now.

"Father hope it is the pure desire of your heart. Not because Papah underlies your reason for closing the aurat." Papah's words that had just come from the room made me look back.

"Not wanting to think too much about such a thing, let it all go the way it should" I said as I stared at Mamah and Papah alternately. I could see there was doubt and fear from my parents' beads. Let alone them, I still doubt my sincerity. Just a few minutes of sweat had been pouring out and asked me to immediately remove this head covering. I can't imagine wearing this type of clothing every day. I became confused at Mamah who was so comfortable with oversized clothes and wide khimar. Does he not feel hot and angry?

"Mamah can not do much but pray for you to remain Istiqomah," said Mamah in a calm voice. I'm so moved to hear that. It was very clear that Mom was waiting for a moment like now. Although I realize very well that Mamah is still not sure of the decision I took.

Papah stroked my tubers before he sat at the head of the dining table chair. "Take your mind and your heart. Don't mind people's words" he advised, which I replied with a brief nod.

All this time I was labeled as a matre girl. No offense and just proud. Why now when I follow the religious law should be afraid and weak of people's speech? My life wasn't spent responding to irresponsible remarks by netizens. Being bodo is very and does not care is a principle of life that I uphold.

After finishing the morning meal, as usual I immediately rushed away. Waiting for someone to take me to my destination. For this one I still can't escape. I close the aurat because it is an obligation, a necessity. But somehow I still can't leave my male friends. Only appearances change, not with my character and personality.

"You're not wrong, are you?" This kind of question I've been guessing will come out of Lukman's lips. I did not answer and only replied with a thin smile, he who was basically very sensitive immediately opened me the car door. Lukman is the type of man who is economical in speaking words but not in financial affairs. The person is very royal, not only to me but also to those around him who are in need.

"If you want to stop being a road player and play me, no papa. I know enough about my current situation that I can't be as free as I used to be." I started to open up a little bit. There's no way I'm going to continue like this, at least I have to leave some of them. It takes a lot of time to reveal everything. But I'll try.

"OK." One word of approval came out from the thin lips layered in pink lipstick. He's not the right person I left behind. I think keeping Lukman is the best option. I started everything well and I had to end it well. Nothing in the dictionary of my life disappeared without notice, except for those who decided to end it in such a way.

"Thanks, Mann. You can pick me up as usual" I said as I just got out of the car. He nodded after closing the door of his car.

According to the assumptions and estimates that I have reviewed repeatedly. The residents of the campus, especially women who want to ghibahin people are ready to spray hot lava and nyinyirin because of my current appearance. His eyes seemed like they wanted to look from top to bottom so many times.

"Berhijab is still being picked up by a guy." One insinuation that comes from a girl in maroon clothes whose hair is deliberately ponytailed.

"Pake veil kok model kek that. Not according to the teaching." For the second one, I focused more on my performance. I wanted to laugh in front of the face of the young green dress woman. Hey, does he not look at himself who feels at home showing the aura in public. Agape!

"Beautiful without a veil, the aura comes out not rich now bosenin," chirped a weak man, kemayu guys. I'm not sure he's a real man. He thinks I'm Aura Kasih kali ah, use to talk about everything.

Along the way from the parking lot to the library, there are many beautiful and beautiful people. I was very bodo and did not respond to them at all. A liverache? Accept it? No, because what they say is true. Just love them, that's their mouth. I couldn't silence her sweet spicy mouths, all I could do was close my ears and act like normal.

Currently I am in the campus garden near the library, the plan is I will look for materials for thesis material. But because the library was still closed, so I decided to sit back in the park. But the presence of one of my friends made me think. He must be just like the other friends who denounced and insulted me with sharp words.

But my guess was wrong, he smiled sweetly and said, "Don't think about people's words. All they talk about is what they see. I pray you can stand the test." This is the first positive sentence I heard. Not judging and criticizing me for not being able to look like most Muslim women.

I nodded and smiled sweetly at him. "May dong next time you invite me to go to study," my candlestick is actually welcomed by the glamorous woman and the black khimar. The clothes he had were like no other color. Black, yes every day like he never changed clothes. From the start the model and the color is exactly the same, until he received a lot of reproach. But I salute the answer he gave me.

"I only did what my Prophet taught me. Wearing dark clothing with the aim of not being the center of attention, and help protect the eyes of men so as not to have sex when accidentally met the eye." He is so mature and full of authority. Every word that came out of his mouth did not contain any emotions or resentment because it had been insulted all out.

"Bby dong. I'll definitely tell you again" he said with great enthusiasm.

In the middle of my conversation with Maryam, there was a brazen mouth that I felt like duct tape. "One is a stylized arabian and the other is a fashionable girl model like a striping board artists. It's a fitting blend. Maybe tomorrow or the day after the two compact with black cloth deliberately installed to cover the rich face of a ninja hatori-" he said so smoothly without burden, even he laughed booming to the center of attention. If only Maryam had not cut and silenced her lemes mouth, perhaps the oppressive spicy sentence would have widened everywhere.

"Sorry we have to go to the library. Excuse me," cut Maryam fast and just take my hand. "Why are we even going? My mouth gatel wants to bales his words." I said with a grunt annoyed. Such people should be taught a little lesson so that they do not repeat it again. How can we as fellow women who adhere to a similar religion, but still insult and reproach one and the other.

"There is no point in responding to those who dislike us. It's free, in their eyes we'll still be wrong" he said with a thin snippet. I had to learn a lot from Maryam to control my emotions, and have a lot of patience.

~TBC~