Materialistic

21-Shame

"It's a shame and I'll never let that happen again."

the Adara Mikhayla Siregar

•••

A normal relationship is based on love and affection, especially in a marriage. Every test and trial that comes to the head will be faced together and hand in hand. Not even like me who currently wants to go far and avoid. The term sakinah mawadah warohmah is not at all in my household. Maybe it has become my way of life that falls down in an unwanted marriage. It is true that something that begins with compulsion will end with a deep suffering and disappointment.

There is no peace and quiet when you are near him. There is no emptiness and loss when away from him. Everything feels heavy lived, just an uncomfortable feeling that is often found. Discussions and disagreements are inevitable. Small problems will always end long because of the selfishness of the heart that does not want to improve each other. It feels so impossible if a household like this will survive according to the specified time. Just a matter of days has made me suffer endless. Tired of the heart and mind that only I could feel.

I cried sobbing in the corner of the room with both legs that I purposely bent, my head was left resting between the folds of the legs. While Arda was sitting on a long sofa in the room, he was treating a wound on his forehead, the work of my hand that floated a medium-sized flower vase. All men are the same, they always impose their will according to what they want. I was completely unwilling to look at him who was still grimacing in pain. The pain he felt was not worth what I was currently feeling.

"You misunderstood Adara. I'm not going to do anything with you" he said somehow to the last time. I can't believe it, obviously he forced me to take the water of ablution and the sunnah prayer. He will certainly do something, and before that happens I give a vase of flowers when his head looks back with greetings, the sign of prayer has been done.

My crying still hasn't subsided, I'm afraid she's doing something crazy to me. "Misunderstand me saying? I'm not stupid to mean you, Arda! Men don't know themselves." I reply to him with so much emotion.

A heavy sigh sounded out from his mouth. "So it's Isha's time and I want us to pray, Adara. Your brain must be cleansed so it is not short," he said. I looked up as I felt Arda's approaching steps.

"What is Isha's salat? I'm not***well. Obviously Isha is four rakaat not two rakaat. I do not know religion but I know how many rakaat in obligatory prayers." I said with a hunting breath. He tried to reach the top of my head that was still wrapped in white mucus. "Far away from me!"

Arda did not follow my words, he raised my chin to look at her. I tried to shake Arda's hand but she instead got the courage to cupped my face to look straight at him. "Therefore we pray the qobliyah of Isha, Adara. Salat sunnah two rakaat before performing the obligatory prayer," he explained that makes both my eyeballs perfectly rounded.

"Lo lied, Arda! Don't bully me!" I was greeted with laughter by him. Is anything funny?

"Here take the ablution again--" I immediately cut off Arda's words quickly. "Lo want to tell me what else, huh?"

Arda patted the top of my head slowly and said, "Jamaah Isya, Adara. Your mind must be cleansed immediately." My face immediately warmed up, my heartbeat was pumping so fast. I don't know where to put my face that's been red because of this shame. I want to curse Arda right now.

"hunts." I am ashamed to follow his word. Long enough I was silent in the bathroom only to see a red hue on the cheeks.

•••

When Arda and I went downstairs to dinner, Mamah and Papah immediately flocked us with many questions, about Arda's bandaged forehead and also because my eyes were reddened by crying for too long. I was just quietly confused to answer what, if I answered honestly I would have been ridiculed by them.

"Oh, this is just a small incident." I'm grateful that Arda just said that. Not too specific which will only make me embarrassed for a long time.

My hand was immediately busy picking up the plate that was deliberately kept on my stomach in front of me, without a word I took the rice and placed it on the plate. Just now I want to put rice in Mamah's mouth again open the sound, "Adara... Adara.. instead of busy layanin husband, eh even cool himself. Adara once rebuked if she could not do her duty as a wife, Nak Arda."

I turned the lazy eyeball, put my spoon back on the plate and looked at Mamah opposite me. Without a doubt I said, "Mate complicated. Anything should be Arda first, Arda just don't protest."

Papah who was sitting at the head of the dining table chair close to me without command nosedived my forehead. "Arth... Arda. call the real one. That's your husband. No manners you're the same husband." I was complaining of pain because of Papah. Staying here one day has been getting a lot of reprimands and scolding. What if I stay here?

"It is forbidden to open your voice at the dinner table," I said in no way to respond to the ramblings of Mamah and Papah. After hearing my words the situation became silent, only the sound of the clinking of the spoon clashing with the plate.

"How does Nak Arda fit your tongue? This is a recipe from Umi you know, he had given to Mamah so that Adara can masakin your favorite food," said Mamah so carefree and happy. It seems that Mamah loves Arda as much as she loves me.

Arda smiled faintly and said, "It fits, Mah. Mamah's cuisine makes no difference, it's equally delicious." Anybody else looking for face or anything? Don't praise Mamah rich that, can fly later his nose.

"What about Adara's cooking? He's a cook." I spit out water that I still haven't swallowed perfectly. Mamah's mouth asked to be schooled, even dismantle my ace card all over again.

Arda looked at me and Mamah alternately, from the look of his eyes was very showing disbelief. Mamah sinlessly spoke again, "Mamah deliberately taught Adara to cook so that he married not to shame Mamah. What would her husband eat if Adara could not cook. Mamah sure the hell Adara must be your delicious masakin, right?" I gulped with difficulty as Arda wanted to return Mamah's words. I've prepared a plan to run when Arda tells Mamah to be honest.

Arda was seen scratching his nape and said hesitantly, "Isn't it, Mah? Em... that's good how good the cooking is." Mamah immediately hit me with a look of horror, she must have been suspicious to hear Arda's unconvincing answer.

"Every day Adara masakin, Mah. Really. If you don't believe, ask Arda. Aye, right?" I stepped on his foot because he didn't open his voice. 

"I. YEAH... Maad." I breathed a sigh of relief and immediately freed Arda's leg from the cruel behavior of my limbs.

"Are you sure you're with Adara?" mama asked who managed to make me sweat cold. Can be chopped alive if Mamah knows I just love Arda eat the same eggs doang.

Arda and I exchanged looks. He seemed confused between having to tell the truth or lie, while I asked him not to expose my behavior that had been working it all out. Arda broke off our eye contact and began to open his mouth. But he did not say I cut him off quickly. "A... I feed Arda eggs every day, Mah." Rather than Mamah hearing it from Arda, it's better than me. At least I can still survive for being honest.

"Nadara!" mamah and Papah shouted as I ran up the stairs to save myself. I only grimaced and grimaced after being on the top step.

"Sorry Adara, Mah, Pah." I said in a high voice so they could hear.

~TBC~