Materialistic

44-Aware

"The beauty of the world has made me forget the afterlife that is waiting in the threshold of the eye."

the Adara Mikhayla Siregar

•••

Arda was sitting cross-legged on a prayer mat, a Mushaf of the Qur'an was in his lap. The chanting of the holy verse never tired out from the man's lips, while I was only his loyal listener. To be honest, seeing Arda who is like now somehow makes my mind calm, my heart rhythm beats uncomfortably. He is indeed a man who does not have a beautiful appearance, but he is a man of faith who always walks in the corridor of obedience. I can't deny that I had admiration for him, but I never had more feelings for him. I know myself well enough, and I do not deserve it if I dream of a holy man, while I am still very far from the word shalihah. Arda deserves a companion more than anything else than me.

My activities were a little disturbed by the noise from Arda's device, but seeing him reading the Qur'an made me undo the intention to tell him. But I'm sure he heard, only he was reluctant to end his teaching. He did not like when his worship ritual should be disrupted, just because of worldly affairs, which he could actually do at a later time and opportunity. 

"Please pick up first, Dar," Arda's voice made my brief daydream stop. Doubtfully I picked up the flat sailing flat object.

"Lo Nyokap lo the phone, but it's dead again," I said to tell. Arda slightly turned his body towards me and said, "You don't mind if I ask you to make a call back, Umi?" Let's say I give it a little in response.

"In the password?" tanyaku who was immediately rewarded with a short ring by him. The movement of my hand immediately stopped automatically when he saw the wallpaper of his device. My breath was hunting fast, my heart beat was abnormal no matter how my hands were sweating coldly.

I was pensive in a place with a mind that had branched out everywhere. My chest felt so tight and it was hard to breathe. The fear that never came to the surface seemed to manifest itself. I'm in a daze, my brain can't think clearly. Until finally Arda's voice came back to wake me up, and I unknowingly dropped the smart thing. Luckily Arda's hand swiftly caught it. "What's wrong with you, Dar?" That's the only word I can catch.

"Nadara!" arda's voice again disturbed both my legs, and spontaneously made both my eyes blink slowly.

"Why?" reworked. I nodded with a blank look looking straight at him.

"I'm making another mistake with you? Or do you mind because I'm asking for help?" he said something I didn't respond to.

"Well, how come you cry, Dar? You why?" My tears did not feel that they had started falling and flowing quite fast. I could feel Arda helping me to sit in bed.

"Gu. gu... Arda..," I said with my hands that had been perched nicely covering the entire face.

My mind raged against each other, and I was made even more petrified when a pair of hands clutched my body up. Arda hugging me? This clear liquid is getting sassy to fall without knowing the rules. "Istigfar, Dar istigfar," he said with a busy hand stroking my back gently.

I just kept quiet and was unable to follow Arda's word. It felt like my throat was stuck and could not get a word out. My mind was only on a piece of neatly arranged sentence on Arda's phone screen. Die. That one word really bothered me. What practice have I prepared to face the sacratule of death?

Arda let go of his embrace, looked at me so closely and tightly grasped both of my cold, trembling hands. "What are you afraid of, Adara? There I am here."

"Gue's not ready yet, Arda! I'm not ready!" rancauku is unclear. Arda's forehead shriveled, but the next second a thin smile was etched beautifully on both corners of his lips. "If you're not ready, papa. I'll tell Mamah to get her show pulled back, or just cancel?"

I nodded unconsciously. My eyes were blurry with tears staring right at both of her irises. "Gue is afraid of death, Arda. I'm not ready!"

I could see a look of shock on his face, but the next second he gave a smile back. "Don't be afraid to die, Adara. Everyone who lives will feel dead. No human being is immortal and can live forever in the world. Death is something we must experience."

Arda's words even more made my body shiver violently. What can I bring to face death? While this self is still negligent and far from obedience. Is my obligatory worship enough to serve as a helper, so that I can avoid the heat of hellfire? My sins are too many and cannot be forgiven just because of a regret and an apology. Is God still willing to give me this opportunity to sin?

"What you should fear is accountability after death. Is the practice we do enough to be a stepping stone to avoid the heat of hell fire?" I looked down at Arda's words. Word by word she spoke had a devastating effect on my inner health that continued to be turbulent without being controlled.

"Gue wants to repent, Arda. Is God willing to accept my repentance? I am a sinner!"

Arda tightened his hand, and he said, "Rasulullah Shallallahu’alaihi Wasallam said: “Really Allah accepts the repentance of His servant as long as his life has not reached the esophagus.” (CHR. At Tirmidhi, 3880). No matter how much wrong you have done, God will open the door of forgiveness. Do not be discouraged, for Allah is the Exalted, Adara."

My tears were breaking unstoppably, the shadow of the sins I had been doing was milling about each other. It was like a broken cassette tirelessly spinning filled the memory. All this time I was too proud and arrogant with what I have now, when it was very clear that everything I have is His. The beauty of the world has tricked me into forgetting the afterlife that is waiting on the threshold of my eyes.

The sound of the door being opened automatically made my focus and Arda diverted. It looks Mamah there is standing with prayer equipment that he hugged tightly in front of the chest. He quickly walked over to us, hugging me so warmly. "What's wrong with you, honey?"

The position of Mamah who stood, while I sat on the bed made me freely immerse my face in her stomach. The feeling of tightness is increasingly open and again causes endless pain. "Sorry Adara, Mah." Sobs intentionally I let it escape from the sidelines of my lips. There are too many sins that I have committed against him. Hurt his heart very often I do, every command and advice I never ignore.

Mamah gently raised my head to look up and looked at him. "You have nothing wrong with Mamah, even if there is Mama who has forgiven him," said Mamah full of sincerity, said, even his two thumbs he used to wipe the clear liquid that came out endlessly in both corners of my eyes.

"What's wrong with you, honey? Don't make Mamah anxious gini dong, son," he said. I could see the look of anxiety on his evening face.

"There is a lot of wrong with Mamah, Adara's work is usually just for the act and trouble Mamah," said I who immediately responded with a slow pace. "Well you are, you are still the son of Mamah. You can't talk rich, Mama doesn't like."

"Ah ah don't cry anymore. Tomorrow will want to be a bride, later not the maximum dong fit sitting in the guarantee," the candle that makes my smile slightly rise.

"The rogue arts well now, dare to make the daughter of Mamah nangis kejer rich gini. Mamah reported Umi same Abi you just know the taste," Oceh Mamah who managed to melt the atmosphere became lighter, no longer tense as before.

Me and Arda just responded to Mamah's words with a twitch. My lips were locked so tightly that they could no longer be used to speak.

"Have mending now you rest, Mamah sleep in the living room and wait for Umi you come here. He also wants to stay here, why don't you pick up Umi's phone, Son Arda?" oceh Mamah's.

"So Arda again, Mah. Responsibility, but already want Adara lift the phone only hunted to death again," explained Arda.

Mom exhaled slowly. "Why not call back? He reached out to Mamah nanyain news of his son who could not be connected," he said. My mother's mouth is not conditioned. Under these circumstances alone it is still time to nag.

"Not yet, Mah was in shock to see Adara who was crying suddenly," said Arda who made me hold my shame to look down deeply. Why is he so honest?

Mamah shook her head softly and said, "What are you why, Adara? Is Arda going to hurt you?"

I looked up before answering, "Wallpaper hape Arda scares Adara, Mah." I glanced at the man who was displaying his sinless grin. "I have no intention of making you want to. I deliberately set it up to be an alarm reminder in case I want to sin," he explained.

"I'm sorry, yeah," he continued with a hand that deliberately rubbed my hair. Deheman's voice was quite loud spontaneously making Arda's hand move away from my head. Mamah had been laughing out loud making both my cheeks hot and it might have been red.

"Mamah's presence here is just a mosquito repellent," he said. I just kept quiet not responding. It felt so shameful to be caught off guard by Mamah for the second time.

"Take Adara well, son Arda. Mamah trust Adara with you," he said. A little light is rising there.

Arda nodded then glanced at me who was also staring at him. Our sight was locked for a few seconds, but I immediately decided. "God willing, Mah." My heart was like flowers when I heard that sentence. What's wrong with me?

~TBC~