Materialistic

17-Brought Relaxed

"It's not meant to hurt a lot of hearts, it's just that circumstances forced me to act like this."

the Adara Mikhayla Siregar

•••

I was moving in an uneasy direction. How not? I am currently sleeping in the same bed with Arda. We sleep on our backs and are bounded by the bolster in the middle. I was unusual and felt strange and uncomfortable when someone else was in the same room, even more so on the bed and worse with a man. Both my eyes were heavy and asked to be closed, but my mind that continued to work was difficult to control so that it could not sleep quietly. I was afraid something would happen that I did not want and expected while I was sleeping. I shook my head quickly when bad thoughts just stopped by without me being able to prevent it.

"Sleep, Adara, I won't do anything" Arda said. I drowned my face in my pillow and slept on my stomach. Arda's words succeeded in making my body shiver and my face heat up. How come I don't think anything bad, if it's clearly written in the letter of agreement that Arda wants offspring. Until the lebaran monkey though I will not want and will contain the blood of his flesh. It was a nightmare I really didn't want.

After being able to control myself, I took a pillow and also a new blanket in the closet. My steps stopped when Arda made a sound again. "Where are you going?" Do I need to answer it? I don't think so. He wasn't stupid to guess what I was going to do with pillows and blankets.

"If you are uncomfortable and disturbed by my presence in this room. Say, not even rich gini. You just sleep here, let me sleep on the sofa in the living room" he said, bringing along the things he needed so quickly.

I can't believe a little what he's doing. I guess he'll force me to stay asleep with him on a big soft bed. But thank God my guess was wrong and it was better for my survival. I breathed more and more when he disappeared from sight. Its nature is too fickle and difficult to guess. Sometimes it's good, it's nice, and it's not uncommon for me to bleed.

What kind of home do I expect and desire? Obviously not. Staying on one roof with Arda was not an option I could currently bargain with. I was already his wife, but I was still brash and did not know the rules in treating her. I broke the advice of Mamah and Papah who asked me to serve Arda, indirectly I have made both my parents disappointed. I still can't, maybe I'll never even be able to accept Arda's presence in my life. A day with him has been years. Moreover, having to endure for a month and a half? If I put forward my ego regardless of my parents' feelings, I would definitely go and take the divorce papers to the religious court immediately.

Complaining and lamenting fate is not my nature, but I do not know why since my old status disappeared, I became as personal as I am now. It turns out that it is true what people say, that life problems can affect a person's quality of life. Wanting to look okay feels exhausting. Showing a smile full of happiness, but what happened was beyond estimation. My mind was so mummified just because of Arda's presence at an inopportune time. At this young age of mine should have been taken to relax and share happiness with peers, but what I am experiencing right now is not making sense. Everything was full of surprises that kept me hanging.

•••

"Why? Wanna protest? So is it fortunate that I masakin," said Sangar. I deliberately only cooked an omelet instead of not being able to cook another menu but I deliberately wanted to prank him.

"Feelings in the refrigerator are still many ingredients deh cuisine. But what you've been working on never changes, the eggs keep going every day" he said in a protest. As much as possible I put on a serious face full of excitement. "If I could just cook eggs how?"

His eyes bulged and immediately placed the spoon on a plate containing white rice and an omelet. "Seriously?" the question between believing in disbelief. Arda, where's the brain put anyway? What I just said was a question not a statement. Kaya tuh pas people still school Indonesian language value jeblok deh. Study there again.

I want him not to depend on me, fast food is a lot out there and can be easily obtained. I don't want him to get used to my presence in his life. By giving that food - that's for sure he will be bored, and no longer want me to cook and the problem is finished. Suppose it could be that simple, but it's not that easy.

I didn't answer anything, just busy finishing my warm tea. I don't want to tell her a lie, just let her assume for herself. He is seen putting bribes for rice bribes and side dishes into his mouth with ogah-ogahan. Every day I check him with processed eggs only, ranging from cow's eye eggs, omelet, balado eggs, boiled eggs, boiled eggs, and all kinds of other unaccompanied eggs other than warm white rice. If I were him he would rather buy fast food.

"Aren't you eating?" the sloppy thing that I returned with a slit. I was just a display that saw Arda's suffering and miserable face because it was me who made anyone shake their heads.

As long as Lukman can still be relied upon to make ends meet, I won't be able to die of starvation. Lah wong every morning, afternoon, or even night even though we always meet in a cafe or restaurant to meet my nutritional needs so as not to lack. I no longer take the dizzy issue that I am currently experiencing, my head can break if I continue to complain and lament the fate of life that is not as expected.  Luckily there is still Lukman that I can hope for and I can make the ATM run. The money that Arda gave me was just enough for two days, the rest I asked Lukman for rations which he voluntarily without any compulsion to give to me. My behavior is brazen and do not know the rules, status as a wife of people but still do not want to wander and spend money others.

The rumors of the cynical talk of the neighbors are not at all considered. Let them roar until their mouths are foamed. What they lose, I am good at transferring rewards from them. As long as my behavior is not sniffed by Mamah and Papah, I feel safe. Even if caught, take it easy, anyway I married Arda only limited status and coercion. There's nothing for me to worry about if both my parents are going berserk and blaspheming me as a child. For now I still want to be free without being bound by anyone.

Only about a month and a week away I'll be free from the ridiculous absurd agreement that Arda and I agreed to. Soon the status of single I will bear, more precisely widows. I shuddered in horror at the thought that this young me was already a widow. It's a nightmare I really don't want in my dictionary of life. But what can I do if all this has become a path of destiny that I cannot avoid. Just live it and for the future business let the universe speak.

~TBC~