Marriage Dilemma

Packaged rice

"Mother..." Rama ran up to me who had just entered the courtyard of the house. I smiled to welcome my son.

My first son and bang Angga, we named him Rama Ferdinan. At this time he is only four years old, and it should be a child the age of Rama began to go to school. But for now I prefer to teach him myself at home. Plus today's school is not free, let alone for Rama's school, thinking about the shopping ration that is only 25 thousand has made me mad.

"The mother's son is awake. Has Rama taken a shower?"

"Had Mother, Father who bathed Rama," he replied, making me turn my head and for a moment pay attention to my husband who was busy with his motorbike.

'Unfortunately you are too selfish Bang. You are our priest, I am your wife and Rama your son. You should have been more sufficient for us, have the stance and decisiveness like the head of the family in general. But what you're doing is torturing my heart' I monologue in my heart while watching my husband.

"Mother, mother, Rama is hungry" My attention immediately turned to the tiny face before me whining with hunger.

I smiled nodding and stroking his puffed cheek."Come on, Rama come with me! Mommy wants to cook tempeh with spinach today, what does Rama like?"

His gray face was again visible, I don't know what the child was thinking to make him bow down lethargic.

Curse both her tiny hands, "Why period, baby?"

"Didn't you buy fish? We haven't eaten fish in a long time. Rama bosen tempe spinach continues," said Rama's tiny lips make me sigh with a sliced heart.

"Mommy's dreadful moments yes, out there many can't eat like we do, baby. So want to eat whatever we are, Rama must be grateful! Anyway tempe the same spinach is healthy loh dear, can make Rama grow big and strong," said I try to give Rama understanding.

In the heart, which mother is not sick to hear the complaints of children who feel bored with food that is just that every day.

Oh God..

Maybe this time I can give him understanding, how will it be in the future? Will I be able to make my son understand?

I took Rama's hand to invite him to enter the house.

"What do you cook?" Just arrived, my husband had given me questions that seemed to be his duty every day.

"Baby same tempe bang, at best later make sambelan also."

Arriving in the kitchen, the first thing I did was to clean up my groceries. I cooked rice in the morning. I intentionally do it for fear of misfortune to come home from the market.

My hands started slicing spinach and then washing it, then cutting tempeh and seasoning as needed. While Rama was so loyal to accompany me in cooking, his eyes seemed to follow every movement of my hands and footsteps.

Some people who know my spending money rations always ask why they still want to survive so far?

I myself do not know the answer. All I know is that I will never leave my son who still desperately needs the full affection of his father and mother. Seeing how my husband and mother-in-law were, it made me even more certain that I would never leave my son to them.

The cooking is finally done. I give priority to Rama who has been whining since then because of hunger. Maybe that's why he was waiting for me to finish all his cooking.

Then what do I do after that? Do not be asked, the dishwasher is still a lot, dirty clothes are still piling up, not to mention the house that is like a broken ship. The work that never ends, until it makes me no time to take a break. Sometimes because it also makes me forget to take the Pill.

"Eat every day tempeh, spinach, sometimes tofu the same as kanggung. I don't think there's another side dish" my father-in-law said as he opened the rice lid on the dinner table.

Look, but I don't care. My hands are focused on washing dishes. Let's just say the wind then, go right out left. If taken, it could be an impromptu stroke.

"Female, ask your wife tomorrow to cook another side dish! Every day it's it's mulu. Bosen's mom,"

Yes, that is my mother-in-law. When what did not match his heart choice, he immediately complained to the Angga bang.

"Yes ma'am, if you're still buying food outside" Bang Angga reached into his pants and handed over a 10-thousand dollar bill to his mother.

I widened my glancing eyes from behind the kitchen door. I did deliberately peek to know how to bang Angga's reaction when his mother complained. And it turns out that he gave her 10 thousand dollars to buy packaged rice. Just try the money he gave me earlier, I certainly bought fish or eggs even though only a quarter.

With a very arrogant heart I went on to finish my work. It is very favoritism, his wife's children are rationed, his mother's turn is privileged. What kind of husband is she? Not feeling comfortable and fatherly.

"Mother, Rama's friends have candy. Can Rama ask for a thousand dollars to buy candy?"

I stopped for a moment my activities that were washing clothes. Lucky shopping rations today are still a thousand left. I gave the money to Rama.

"Go get some candy!" I said when I gave Rama a piece of money. The boy was excited, and immediately ran from before me. I could only stare at his back which began to drift away in a very bitter mood. What a pity you son, Mother never lacked snacks. Even whatever you want to buy, your grandmother always obeys it. But now, because of your father, we are lacking.

Again I could only sigh and mourn.

A mother's heart was filled to see her son whining for snacks. You can imagine when we have no money at all, our children whine even cry for something, or just want to eat candy.

It is very painful, Allah..

Suddenly my tears just escaped without excuse. Imagine how Rama's life will be. Don't get it because of the selfishness of his father, my son went hungry. I always thought about how to fight for a more decent life for Rama. It is enough for me to rebel until finally regret and fate like this is what I accept.

Suffice his father who is not so caring even selfish.

It is very difficult to explain how Bang Angga. At the core of the problem, he was too submissive to have no firm stance and decision.

Pleases..

Not to be exemplified, let alone practiced!!

'Hopefully you will be a sholeh and successful child yes son, be proud of your Mother and Father. Let the struggle and tears of the Mother who bears witness to everything, Aamiin' my prayer in heart and rubbing the remains of tears welled up, then returning to continue the laundry of my clothes.

TBC.