Learning to Be a Mother

35. Emotions Overflowing.

After pondering for a few minutes, I exhaled as a form of surrender to the situation. The coffee, tea, and snacks that I served put back in place. Tidying up some of the items that were used up, then collecting my children's cell phones that had been stolen by his father.

I put it in a safe place, made sure everything lay fine. I also locked my door, then rinsed my face for a while before going into the bedroom. It's still eight o'clock tonight, but because of this incident, it looks like the four of us won't see each other again tonight.

After tidying up my pajamas, I knocked on the door of my room, telling the ones who had come to the room first that I would occupy the room as well. Because it was not stolen, I opened the door featuring a man with his laptop on the table.

He seemed to be focusing his attention there. As if he was venting something, his face was frowning exactly the feeling that was still raging. At first I intended to open the topic, discussing about his increasingly changing attitude and difficult to understand. However, seeing my impressed husband not want to be disturbed, I so undo the intention.

I approached my bed, sitting quietly past it even though my husband seemed to know I was entering the room. Arriving in bed, I looked for busyness by tidying up the things in the room. Every now and then my face reflected, making sure I look good and not making him angry.

I deliberately waited a few minutes, silent as two or three times glanced at the laptop screen that was displaying his work.

"Well?"

It seems my husband realized that his wife had peeked, I then rewind the body that had leaned, then acted innocently as if he did not know what to do.

My head shook. "No, but you're still busy, aren't you?"

"Still," he said without a gentle intonation, taking the time to pay attention to me, "why?"

"Someone I want to talk about."

Cahyo turned around, not so putting all her attention on me as if it was just a waste of time. He went back on his laptop, reacting no matter how important what we were going to discuss.

"By the way."

I exhaled. Heard from the way he replied, Cahyo like he could not be discussed. Moreover, he does not focus on listening, his attention is divided into two— can be divided into three because of overthinking secretly. It would be a bad night if I properly opened the topic of his delivery to me and the children that needed to be fixed.

He would not budge, perhaps ever, but before my children were born. As if he did not want to bear the most weight in the childcare section, Cahyo behaved arbitrarily like a king who had to be served despite his position as the head of our family.

"On the children."

Cahyo snorted, shifted the electronic device and turned her body to me. He wanted to take his time, even though it seemed inconclusive to be able to control his emotions, at least he would listen to me, right? Maybe I should try.

"Why are they the same?" tanya Cahyo extended the goal.

I folded my lips, hoping to breathe quietly and unhurriedly react before him. If he doesn't give up, I always understand him. It could be one of my husband's shortcomings, which is less sensitive to my position as a wife and mother.

"Dad, please control his emotions even better, yes. As for the kids, I'm afraid they're depressed or traumatized. If you talk, don't scream, don't be too loud. They also have flaws that no one knows we can't see."

"Tell me, which I don't like."

As expected, he will always contradict my opinion. Whether it was me who was too flabby or he who always wanted to win, we often ended up with communication that was cut off because of a loss of control over each other's emotions, between my husband and the children, he said, I don't know who's to blame.

"Lo tuh too soft, besides I actually tell so to your children, let alone Kalista. It is not my fault if he becomes rude or unruly, just as you are mulujain mulu," he replied easily, "if you want to ngasuh different. Take care of yourself, don't talk to me again."

"Dad why, anyway?" I looked at her worriedly, "early marriage, we're fine. You've never been like this, you've always been open to me, but since the kids are big and they want to be alone. Well, they also want dingertiin, not supposed to be those who maklumin we mulu."

"I don't know the same about you."

I exhaled, not knowing how to explain it in such a subtle word. What I said was true, right? After all I don't mean to blame him, I just want my husband to be aware and can be invited to a deeper discussion. Not even seeking a defense.

"The bottom line, please if you talk to children do not scream, do not be rude. Try to understand their feelings."

"Negot?"

Cahyo put her laptop further away, her body got up and stood facing my presence on the bed that was already shaking helplessly again. I was fixated on the bed, the sharp look in his eyes as if locking my gaze which ended up staring straight.

"Lo ever understand me?"

"I'm lacking what, anyway?"

"Gue nanya, you ever understand me?" Cahyo repeated, "lo just always nyari fuss right I a lot of work, obviously I again madep laptop like this even suddenly wronged. Lo said what just now? Do not be rude to children, if not digituin, how is Fathan like his sister ngadepin the outside world? Look at Fathan, the proof is that he's grown into a lot of achievement."

"Yes, but that's not the way ...."

"Now look at Kalista, which you treat well how will it be? Okay, instead of so often to volunteer, right?"

"Later if hardened, if roughed up he even more brave, Dad!"

"Ah, love it! Anything goes wrong, I try to understand you, but you turn me off. Insisting that the child just dijaukan, the turn of the husband even nuduk!"

I joined the confrontation, returning his deathly gaze that was no less furious than my emotions at the top. This hand clenched firmly, not thinking how accelerated the man before me was. I can't keep quiet, I have to take over about my kids.

"You can't control your emotions even though you've been sabarin, it's been explained. I am still eating you, saying all your words, and hoping to be calm in front of the children. I never told them about our problems. I've also never bullied you, always spurned."

"Lot of that shit."

"If I were in them, you wouldn't notice, Dad."

"Whisper!"

I slapped him again.