Learning to Be a Mother

34. Because of Online Games.

By the time the moon changed the presence of the sun, there were hordes of gray clouds ready to accompany the cold of the night. The cloudiness that I said was getting busier, cool enveloped the Purwasari area which made me occasionally shiver in the cold.

Lucky my first child kept my promise, he came home before the rain came in fine. After taking a shower and changing his clothes in a nightgown, Fathan returned to the living room with his cell phone with Kalista who was busy playing HP as well.

Here I am, delivering a tray of warm sweet tea glasses. After presenting it at the table, I sat down with the two in the living room with my phone as well. It's already into the afternoon, but Cahyo still hasn't replied to my message. Was he that busy to the point of ignoring the message from his wife?

"Fathan, try to chat dad you keep asking 'where else?'. Mama's message from earlier was not baled, afraid of why," I said asking for help.

Fathan nodded obediently, he typed out a few sentences there.

"Later home, Ma, too" said my last son.

Yeah, sure my husband's coming home, anyway. However, I am worried about his condition now. Has Cahyo eaten yet? Is there a problem that makes it unable to reply to messages? I'm the one who doesn't matter, huh?

There were dozens of question marks flying through my mind. Before long, the water from the sky fell soaking the house, where we lived was showered with increasingly heavy drizzle. Occasionally these two arms are rubbed, trying to warm the condition of the body that is usually less strong when the rain takes place.

While looking through the situation, I mis-focused on my daughter who seemed busy with her phone. Judging from the position of HP that is horizontally straight to the side, I am sure he is indeed playing games on his phone. This girl .. when I have given her a lot, but enter the right ear and out in the left ear.

"You're playing, Kalista?"

Like being bullied, the intention of the spirit of my son's play is no longer visible. He seemed to not like to be spoken to, looking at his face exactly reply 'already know instead ask'.

"Yes." Yeah."

"And Mama has said many times, don't play games!" I warned you, "you're a girl, anyway why play like that, anyway?"

His expression was getting worse, he pouted hearing his mother say so. Maybe the focus on the game is reduced, his eyebrows are also increasingly wrinkled even though his attention is still on the phone. Honestly, I really don't like to see him play online games.

Fathan glanced at his sister, there was no change in expression that made me agree or disagree on her response. If Fathan is the opposite, he never played online games, even I have never seen him focus much on mobile.

Unlike the sister who does as she pleases, but some people in this house do not like her activities. Neither I nor Cahyo, we both agreed to keep Kalista away from the game, I didn't want my son to be addicted, whereas my husband didn't like to see him play like a man.

"Taro used to be his HP, Kalista."

Once told, my son did not want to obey. He always has been. If Mama and her father do not take action, Kalista may continue to play or even to fall asleep playing it—she never overslept with HP condition still in the game.

"Kalista, horrified his mother."

Kalista shook his head, reluctant to take off before the game was over. "Yes, what a shit. It's not finished!"

Fathan exhaled. "Later on again."

"Yes, where can it be!" The woman screeched, "thought to be able to be set up times, if I can also definitely taro this HP!"

I exhaled, confused as to how to deal with it. If Ms. Irma is faced with this position, how do I say it, huh? I could only stare at her from here, letting my daughter continue to play games while occasionally making noise as if she was chatting with her friend there.

Before long, there was the sound of a horn from the familiar front. The car arrived, Cahyo came home early today! I hurriedly picked up the umbrella that was leaning against the porch wall, then rushed to the car to let Cahyo go home without a soaked office shirt.

The rain is really heavy. I haven't been outside for a long time, but it's cold. Realizing that I was picking him out, the door of the vehicle was opened which took out a middle-aged man with his pitch-black bag.

"Come, come. Thanks, sir!" I yelled at the driver who continued the journey.

Finally, I turned to my husband to get home. This leg leads him, we are in a close distance now. I was quite nervous because it had not been this close for a long time, there had been no romantic impression between us since my miscarriage. I understand Cahyo is busy working, I should understand it too.

I exhaled, letting her in without saying hello. I stared at him walking into the bathroom after putting the bag on the sofa, moving as if there was no one in the living room that made me even sadder.

Did anyone of us make a mistake or was he so tired?

"Bikininin' coffee."

However, I don't want to complicate things by attacking thousands of questions for him. I immediately moved into the kitchen, brewing a cup of kahwa as he requested earlier. I glanced a little, my husband was sitting in the living room with the children without changing clothes.

The clothes aren't wet, anyway. It's only better if my husband changes clothes.

Finished brewing, I put it on the living room table. I also made sure the place was clean, arranged it for a while and then sat on the sofa to accompany him for a short break.

The last time the four of us had a conversation, there was a big fight that led my husband to intervene to vent his anger on me. You could say, yesterday was the first time Cahyo grabbed my hair, grabbed it in front of children.

It was rough, it was rough, and I hurt it. However, I somehow could not be selfish or show my wounded heart before him. As if he would never understand, I always gave in and acted 'understand' because of the fatigue he was working with.

Maybe Cahyo thinks a mother is just washing clothes, washing dishes, sweeping, mopping, cleaning the house, and others. He did not think how hard I was to endure the grievances of life, not being appreciated, occasionally being treated harshly by children, even shouldering the expectations of the audience as if I was the hope this family continued.

It's not us who want to stay, but only me who thinks hard to always improve things. Did Cahyo ever think about that?

"Main games again?"

Not Kalista who first reacted, but his brother who became stiffer then put his phone on the table. If this is the case, both I and Fathan must immediately bow obediently even though they do not know where the fault is. In contrast to Kalista, she was the type who did not want to stop before being followed up.

"Kal," call her sister to code.

"Yeah ...." The woman clucked, slamming her phone at the table as if she had lost the game, "yes this is it."

I let out a breath. I thought it was all over, and suddenly my husband took what had been placed in his place. Not only one, but Fathan's cell phone was also directly placed behind his father's body. Their cell phones were suddenly taken without permission from the owners, of course Kalista growled furiously seeing his father do as he pleased.

"Why taken, anyway!"

"If you are invited to talk or asked that response, don't miss it," said Cahyo full of emphasis before sipping a cup of coffee, "not polite."

"Some of you already know I play games even a lot of nanya."

"Lo can be different talking to parents just as much?"

"Dad, it's already."

"What?" Now his attention turns to me, "is it me again, is it? Your kids want to change if that's how."

"Can't you say anything good?" sahut my last child, "yes said Mama, Dad if you talk about using urate continue. Mute rage!"

"How dare you talk to me again. Look out for you later, I will definitely not be given anything SAME LO NANGIS-NANGIS ASK HELP TO ME!"

The door slammed tight after Fathan followed his sister into the room, they just left after Cahyo raised his voice. This is all just because the phone .. why does the problem seem so big?

"I don't understand my thoughts, Ras."

Then, he also fled from his place. Leave the coffee that is getting cold longer, ignoring the new snacks that I had neat. Eventually, the family fell apart again and I was also lonely again.