Learning to Be a Mother

22. First Child.

That afternoon, after the commotion that had occurred in this house, the man who had magnified the matter fled somewhere. The impression of a house that is the most comfortable place to go home for everyone here is getting thinner, shrinking like a cracked building wall due to communication poverty.

We split ourselves. Some stopped without contacting their affairs, some were resting in the room, who were contemplating in the living room, while I was now silent in the kitchen area. There was no sound from earlier, only the sound of vegetable stirring kale that makes this house feel alive and inhabited.

I don't know what to do now. To think of it as if it had been the day was nothing, to think of it as the saddest day, or to think of it as something my children deserve.

Given the parenting that Ms. Irma said this morning made my head dizzy, how would the woman deal with it if given this kind of problem, huh? Will he cry silently, vent all his emotions blatantly, or just stay true to the children's emotions? Actually, what does 'good and great' mean in the role of a mother?

So many questions haunt me now. I exhaled, because that much hurt earlier was the last child, maybe I should treat him special. After cooking the vegetable part, I continued frying my children's favorite eggs and tempeh pieces. Who knows, they'll feel better after dinner tonight.

Scroll the clock on the wall, aware of the time running past eight o'clock at night, when Cahyo came home late when he came home from his office or after going nowhere. But until now, the man was nowhere to be seen at all. Even the message stating the sender on his behalf was not there, I became worried and annoyed.

"Fathan, call his sister to eat" I said slowly, looking over for a moment. "Mama wants this nyelesein first, soon to be done."

Understand, the sound of footsteps from one place to another. It seemed that Fathan was following my orders, and there was also the sound of the door opening and closing again as if someone had entered.

I finished my work. Set the completeness of the container from the bowl, plate, spoon, fork, and glass filled with water until served neatly at the dining table. Which makes my feelings better, I also put a chocolate favorite Kalista he always ate when his feelings worsened. I bought it this afternoon, hoping he liked it!

Then, my two children came out of the room. The older brother walked behind his sister, making sure there was nothing lacking so that he could occupy his desk chair comfortably and quietly. At first glance, I realized when my daughter circulated her gaze, her behavior was like looking or watching from the figure who had ambushed her earlier.

"Father to the office again" I looked for an excuse that I put in my briefcase again. "We ate first, yeah. He said today dad's late, dad's overtime."

Kalista gave a small nod, and so did her sister who agreed despite knowing I was lying. I didn't enjoy my dinner, this sleepy netra gave her attention to the pajama-conscious woman with chocolate on the table surface. His eyebrows met, then looked up at me first.

"Who's this?"

"Have you," I replied trying to display the best smile. "Don't like?"

"Like, anyway. But I prefer the taste of matcha," he said looking at me cynically, it seems I misjudged. "But lying!"

"Bikin' shocked!" I laughed when I saw her smile.

Kalista showed her rows of teeth, acting as if she was saying thanks with a feeling of joy. We haven't talked this warm for a long time, I'm glad to see him smiling even if it's just a chocolate bar.

The fingers open the packaging, the rainbow that expands in his mouth does not stop appearing colorful which makes me more calm. Looks like Kalista really likes it, I am grateful not to buy snacks or wrong taste.

"Where do you make Fathan, Ma?"

I glanced further, looking at his Brother who opened his palm as if ready to be given whatever form of gift from me. Seeing her smile so, I replied to her with a light headband.

"Fathan is a man, the first child. Do you still want chocolate?"

Hearing my statement earlier, my son bowed with a stretched out hand again. He continued his activities, enjoying dinner with his sister who likes to bite the chocolates.

"No boy?"

"No, thanks."

"Nh ...."

I exhaled, taking distraction to the side dishes presented at the dining table. It could be that the food was cold and exhausted before my husband came home, I glanced from earlier my phone did not turn on because of the entry of notifications. As I recall the cellular data is also on, does Cahyo not intend to contact or is being constrained?

In fact, seeing Kalista who is still comfortable with her favorite chocolate makes my head not much thought. As if a child's smile was the cure for every difficulty that lay in the brain, I was easily distracted while eating lumps of warm rice that I mixed pieces of soy sauce-stained tempeh.

At least, my son feels safe and sure is good in terms of his feelings. I'm not worried, it's nice to see them smiling sweetly. I also realized, I did not stop admiring Kalista who was still loyal to his cheerful gestures.

"When's dad coming home, Ma?"

Fathan asked, inviting my quick attention along with the silence of Kalista activities. Why should Fathan ask when his sister's happy to feel safe? Isn't there time to ask that question?

"Later," I answered. "Eat first."

"Udah is done."

I glanced at the plate, it was exhausted without any leftover food I could scoop up.

"Mama, tomorrow I'm allowed to play with Biyan, okay?" The one suddenly asked for permission, making my attention replaced again. "Awhile, really. Going to the bookstore too, I promise to go home before three in the afternoon. Can, right? Yes, yes ...."

I don't know when Cahyo's coming back or what my husband's schedule is tomorrow, but Kalista is in a good mood and I'm sure to be bad if I don't comply. So, I gave you a sentence.

"Yes, can. But don't overdo it, yeah."

In response, then my son cheered happily.

"Fathan is also a permit, Ma. Tomorrow I want futsal with me."

"No."

My son replied, "Kalista can, why can't Fathan? Fathan used to play futsal with them."

"Because Fathan if he came home late, he promised what time he came home. There's a daily exam soon, right? You focus on learning."

"Calistas are also exams."

"Kok you being so wayward like this, anyway?"

What Fathan lacks is not to lose an argument if what he thinks does not materialize. But the man is not the type to leave the place, he silences, then holds his anger until the emotion is swallowed raw.

I exhaled, the first child should understand.