JIWO PROMISE

Fate of Mate

Pov Vitri

I can't sleep.

Although from nine o'clock I had entered the room intending to sleep, in fact until the day changed and now it is past one o'clock in the morning I have not been able to fall asleep.

I'm getting married in two days.

Marry to God....

There was a huge doubt filling my mind to welcome the day that should have been my big day.

Do I really have to marry Mas Hari?

Marriage means giving up my life and my heart for my husband. That's what's been on my mind since the old days.

If I marry a man, I have to be like that. Rela gave up my whole life, body, and heart for the man.

My fool all along is, the man in my mind in the future is Jiwo.

When I am with him, I will entrust my whole life and my heart to him with all my heart.

Even if we live a hard life and he makes me hurt, I will still believe him, will remain upright beside him.

Yeah, I'm sure it's Jiwo.

That time.

Should have been since he didn't reply to my second letter again, I had to get it out of my mind even from my subconscious.

He doesn't want me as much as I want him. It's reality.

It's a shame to feel this way.

It's not like I'm not trying to move on from him.

One proof of my efforts to move on is that I was able to try to open my heart to Mas Hari.

He is the son of Mr. Dukuh my village in Wonosari who is two years older than me.

We knew each other since childhood. I know him because he's Mr. Dukuh's son. He knows me because I often go home mbok tuwo.

He intensely approached me after me and my mother moved to the house mbok tuwo. When we grow up.

He was a TNI Army soldier who had served in Sleman.

He returns to his parents' house every Saturday and returns to Sleman every Monday after dawn.

Saturday night we used to just meet in the hangar (mushola), so we enjoyed both in the yard of the house, on the bench under the teak tree.

At first I was not interested in his love maneuvers which I think was a bit alay done by a soldier who should have the impression of being authoritative even a bit fierce.

He loved to say love every time we met. The thing that I think is a little excessive and too sweet is done by a knight of the country. Is it not?

If in the end I want to accept the proposal Mas Hari, all just to obey mbok tuwo and mamak only.

They said it would be very nice and quiet if I was in Mas Hari's protection.

He's a good guy and certainly seen as well established with the uniform he has.

What else am I looking for?

Mas Hari also has a handsome face according to people, although I think it's normal even though it's not bad either.

Yes, I do have a love for Mas Hari. But it goes a long way with my love for Jiwo.

I really shouldn't compare the two of them - even if only in my own mind - because obviously they're two different personalities.

But I can't stop comparing and imagining if the sweet and gentleman is Jiwo. Ah, how happy I am.

And now, in H-2 I haven't been able to bring my mind and my heart to focus on just one person. Mas Day. My husband-to-be.

I became afraid of my own feelings in the future when I became his wife.

Can I be my wife for my husband?

Can I just hand everything over to him?

Is it true that I stopped this unknown memory of myself from a Jiwo?

What if I do something bad to my husband without realizing it?

Does he want to understand and be patient and forgive?

What if after marriage I can't forget Jiwo?

Doesn't that mean I betrayed my husband?

Is that not called cheating in the heart?

How do I get out of all this fear?

How am I supposed to get away from my dreams with Jiwo?

How do I get him out of my memory and heart?

Now there is someone more worthy of me to place in the highest place in my heart and mind, someone who will be my husband.

And he's Mas Hari, not Jiwo.

Mas Day. And of course he's not someone who fills my dreams about the future.

O Allah.Padahat Jiwo no news for many years. Why am I so stubborn like this?

Why don't I ever want to think that maybe Jiwo is just like me.

He has also moved on and is now happily enjoying his sweet love with his beloved heart.

Why don't I ever want to think that Jiwo actually thought I was just a tiny little puzzle piece in the course of his life. Which if lost though will not affect the beauty of his life's destiny.

I don't know why I'm so sure I'm still in his heart. I'm pretty sure.

Only the path of fate alone makes us always have to meet a dead end to just meet each other. Just to know that we miss each other.

I shrink the tears that have since flowed soaking the pillow that I unconsciously r*gold the tip since.

I just wanted to cry as hard as I could to be relieved.

I only want to roar once so that all the burdens of my love will escape from my chest.

Please whoever it is. Please awaken me from this madness of love and blindness.

My reason knew I did not deserve to torment the heart in such a way as this for a love that from the beginning had been drifting in an indefinite kite. Without any real certainty as I dreamed.

But my heart has always been very selfish and with a very strong desire to believe that my love and Jiwo will be united at the end of a beautiful journey.

All this time I always forget. I live in a reality that keeps moving. Not living alone in delusions and uncertain expectations.

I live not only for my own pleasure and joy. I have a family that loves me wholeheartedly in their own way.

One of the ways they love me is by encouraging me to marry Mas Hari.

They want me to live their version of happiness. And unfortunately I have no good reason to refuse and break their beautiful hopes.

Where might I say that I just want to marry Jiwo. There I'd be said to be crazy for love clapping one hand.

Or am I just running away?

I sat down as soon as I got that spectacular idea.

But I turned back to myself thinking I was going to embarrass my extended family.

What about my mom? Could-can he hang or at least say me ungodly children do not know lucky then curse me will live miserable forever.

Ah, I don't have the guts at all to face that possibility.

Running away would be difficult, too.

The news of my marriage with Mas Hari has spread throughout the village.

Everyone knows and knows who Mas Hari and Pak Dukuh are. And now I also have come to be famous as the prospective ghost of Mr. Dukuh.

It must be hard to escape from here. To reach the big road alone must walk far enough.

It is certain that during that path I will meet people who will definitely rebuke me asking where I am going.

Ah hunt caught my family too and they would definitely chase me to the highway by borrowing a bike belonging to Pakde Basuki or even ask for help Pak Kasno who has a motorcycle in my village to pursue me.

Arrrgggghhhh.

Oh my God, how is this?

Is this really my life's destiny like you said?

Is it true that my soul mate is Mas Hari and not Jiwo as I had hoped all along?

Then why do I not also have the sincerity of receiving Mas Hari in my heart?

"Our destiny was written long before we were born. If your destiny doesn't live up to your expectations or even hurts your heart, you can still try to change it with prayer." That's what my mother once said.

The prayer.

I must pray to the Owner of Destiny.

I will seduce Him into changing my soul mate's destiny with Mas Hari.

...💧💧💧 b e r s a m b u n g 💧💧💧...