Is It Wrong Not All Right?
Diagnoses
After a few days of gloom, seeing Doctor Gerald's business card, Fina finally decided to have a consultation. Fina came to the clinic where Gerald opened the practice. They've made an appointment. Doctor Gerald let Fina in as soon as she arrived at the clinic.
Fina walked into one of the rooms. The movement is so stiff. He had just had a consultation like this for the first time. Although the room was very comfortable, equipped with air conditioning, sofas, beautiful paintings, and ornamental plants in several corners, it still made Fina feel nervous.
“Gak pa-pa's. Relax aja.” Gerald seemed to know Fina's feelings.
Gerald asked Fina to sit on one of the sofas facing directly from his sofa. Chat starts.
“What's Fina? Has anything been heavy lately?” Gerald opened the conversation. Her soft voice entered Fina's ears.
Fina gulped. He began to dissolve in pleasure. “1 years ago, Mother died. That's a very heavy thing for me. I strongly refuse to believe that Mom is no more. One of the worst years of my life. I was 17 and I fell depressed.”
Fina paused for a moment of her words. Eyes glinting. Memories with my mother came back to him.
“You are very strong to get through.” Gerald responds to Fina's story. The doctor asked Fina to tell him a story.
“Depression. Now I know what it's like. I always wonder to myself ‘have I gone mad?’. People look at me strangely every time they find out that I'm depressed. I feel weird in the crowd. Feeling unworthy of anyone. That's why I always shy away from people, because I'm too afraid of their rejection of who I really am.” One tear drop docked on Fina's cheek. Those tough days, they're turned around in his head like a movie screen.
“Actually, in the medical world, you can't diagnose yourself with depression, even if your days are hard to live. And anxiety when in the crowd as you say, his name in the world of psychology is called Social Anxiety Disorder. But its OK. I'll help you heal. And hearing your story just now, I'm very sure you have the strength,” explained the Doctor who had moaned education in Canberra.
Social Anxiety Disorders.
Fina found out more about her illness after Dr. Gerald's diagnosis.
In Indonesian, the term social anxiety. A mental disorder that makes sufferers reluctant to socialize. This can be caused by several factors. Like fearing people's thoughts, feeling something is wrong with him and not accepted in society. People with social anxiety have a crisis of confidence. One of the therapies used is to write down the advantages of yourself.
...***...
Win with his friends, as usual spent time off together in the cafeteria. Today, Dery doesn't babble much. Not much of a flirt with the passing girl either. His face was bent, making the playboy look so weak. He has just been caught cheating on his underclassman by Fuji, his girlfriend.
Win stroked the back of his best friend. Follow concerned. “Pray for Der, may Fuji's patience still be there. It was the third time you were kayak gini?”
Dery's still pouting. The spaghetti he bought made him a toy. Winding, twirling, made Hersa who saw him scatter in disgust.
“You should be grateful, Der, to have a patient girlfriend like Fuji! He survives the same you not because of bego! Do you know he's smart? He's just being mature because he knows you're still childish.” Ahdan gave advice as if the most expert in love affairs. Although now he is single, but his speech has a point as well.
“Tumben lo right, Dan!” Win praises (or taunts?).
Hersa chose silence. He was quite bored with the game Dery who cheated. The guy sipped his ice soda coolly while leaning back on the chair.
Suddenly came the figure of Fina. Fina called Win, coded for the guy to approach her.. Win immediately got up from his chair and approached Fina.
“Back school no time?” asked Fina coldly.
“H... Yes, why?” Win thought about his schedule after school. He has a lot of free time.
“My earrings to somewhere, can?”
Of course Win did not refuse. But, he was still astonished. There was no wind, no rain, the girl asked him to speak, even though it was still in a flat tone.
“Back school appointment at parking.” Fina made an appointment then rushed off, returned to her class, and,
“OK okay.” Shouted Win excitedly. He clenched his hands in the air, cheering excitedly. Win went back to his desk. His friends just frowned watching Win's attitude.
...***
...
Fina took Win somewhere. One of the most historic places in his life. A place where he spent time with his mother as a child. A lake. This place has changed a lot since the last time Fina came here with Mom. More beautiful, cleaner, more shady.
Fina and Win were sitting by the lake. Bend each other's knees, looking at the calm waters.
“When I was a kid, I used to come here with Mom. Waiting for you to come home from work,” Fina tepekur staring at the scenery in front of him. Little winds blow away her hair. Win was silent, listening.
“But that was first. Now I'm big and I don't exist.” Win was stunned to hear Fina's words. He just found out that Fina's mother is gone.
Win's expression was suddenly serious. Especially when he saw the look of Fina's eyes full of emptiness, as if he could feel the loss of the girl. He returned to listening. Fina continued her sentence.
“It took me a year to really start a new life without Mom. But as it turns out, Mom's departure has an impact on my emotional.” Fina's words deepened.
“A fact that I fell into depression. I should be stronger than this, huh? I feel guilty for my grief.” Fina's pair of eyes began to muffle with water.
“Maybe I'm crazy.” Fina smiled wryly. Imagine the tough days of the past year.
“People always show strange temperament every time they hear there are people with depression. But, isn't depression because we're human?” One tear drops split Fina's cheek. I remember how people looked at him.
“Stigma society makes me mentally destroyed completely. I feel weird, I feel abnormal. It feels like people will stay away after hearing the facts about me.” Fina wiped away her tears, but new droplets kept on hatching.
Fina's tears are getting worse. With a quick movement Win pulled Fina into his arms, not expecting what the girl was going through. It must be hard for him to face himself.
“I'm wrong to feel bad, Win? Answer, Win, answer me!” Fina sobbed in Win's chest. Finally he has a place to vent all his emotions at the moment.
“No, Fina! Not wrong! Not strange! No pa-pa to feel bad aja.” Win tightened his embrace. He could feel how heavy Fina was.
“But why are people so evil? People stare at me weird, keep me away, think I'm crazy.” Fina sniffles. Uniform part of Win's chest until wet because of his tears, forming a circle.
“You are strong, Fina. I wouldn't do that to you. You're just a little shocked because of your mother's departure. Its fine's. I'll help you to get back up” Win gently caresses the base of Fina's head, giving her peace.
Win becomes Fina's first friend who makes Fina can freely tell her the problem. Fina never expected, Win could take all the damage in him. All this time he was always afraid of getting rejection from him, but it turned out that Win was different. Win embraced all that destruction. Win looked at Fina as a human, when most people looked at her strangely.
That day, by the lake, Fina finally got a place home. Find one more reason to move on. Find another person who loves him. Maybe this was reciprocal because Fina had found the key to the bike at that time.
...***
...
