Is It Wrong Not All Right?
Social Anxiety
Somewhere, do not know where it is located, what it is called, which clearly appears a stretch of soft green grass, surrounded by beautiful plants and flowers, and flowing a clear river of water, lay a beautiful girl with long hair. Because of the softness of the grass strands there, the girl did not feel anything piercing her body. The girl with the innocent face was quietly closed. The modern square next to it plays a soothing piano music. An advanced mobile phone equipped with loudspeakers. The girl looked so good at her sleep with the accompaniment. Like a sleep song.
The girl's instincts suddenly appeared. I heard the sound of my feet slowly moving away. The girl opened her eyes. Enforcing body. He saw a woman who had “had age” walking behind him, leaving him slowly.
“Mother,” call the girl with teary eyes.
The summoned woman looked back for a moment, gave her best smile - perhaps the last smile the girl saw - and then continued, stepping up, approaching a long bridge that does not see the end when seen from the eyes of the girl.
“Mother!” he shouted again with an increasingly controlling fear, Fear of abandonment, fear of loneliness, fear of not being able to live without it.
This time the woman did not give a chance to look. He kept walking down that bridge that was going to take him somewhere.
“IBUUUU!!!”
The girl, known as Fina, shouted on her bed, with a position that had sat down and had just awakened from her dream. His screams provoked his father, the only person now living in his bed, into his room with a feeling of uneasiness surrounding his chest.
“Hey, you why?” tanya Bagus, the name of the man with the increasingly whiskers. Good to hold his daughter's shoulders, trying to give her peace.
“No pa-pa, Sir.” Fina shook her head. Trying tough. In fact, lately he had a little trouble taking a fresh breath. Yeah, he's not okay. But that's okay.
...****...
Morning welcomed. The sun emits fibers. Cold air shrouded in fog. Everyone has the same goals for the days they have. That's happy. But not a few of them who are struggling may be struggling through days that sometimes become very challenging. Fina became one of those people.
The girl who just stepped on the early age of maturity, which is 17 years old, is neat with her school uniform. His face looked uninspired. The feeling of anxiety throughout his body became the first sensation he felt in the beginning of the day. Fina swallowed one tranquilizing pill to stop the trembling in her body.
Fina's diagnosis of having social anxiety disorder. Its name is social anxiety disorder. This resulted in Fina being so afraid to step out of the house, get involved in the crowd, to communicate with others. There are several factors that drive his social anxiety. Among them are bad thoughts of others against him, anxiety about rejection, and the most sinister, guilt over his mental condition that is not okay. All of Fina's thoughts are influenced by the stigma in the community about mental health that is very inhumane.
“Fin, is it neat? Yuk departs.” The good who had been wearing a helmet and leather jacket, rushing to work, appeared on Fina's room doorstep.
Fina just nosedived flat. He immediately took his backpack and then went out of the room with his father. They ride a simple duck bike. The road jaya smoothly this morning. It didn't take long for Fina to arrive at school.
Fina kissed the back of Father's hand which had begun to wrinkle as they got in front of the school gate. He immediately entered the school area with his legs still slightly trembling. The effects of sedatives may not work completely. It might also not completely erode the total anxiety in Fina. Just to assuage.
The school is already crowded enough. New students come straight to their classes. Since then Fina tried to catch her breath as best she could. Trying to build positive affirmations in him.
"There's nothing wrong with you, Fina. Its OK to not be OK, Fina muttered in her mind.
Unfortunately, the wearing incident happened to Fina in the corridor. Several people were gathered there with their own activities. Some were chatting with friends, studying and gossiping. All stopped for a moment from his world and focused his attention towards the one girl who was walking so rigidly past them, namely Fina.
His steps seemed doubtful. His face looks wrinkled. It was as if he was on a haunted road.
The gazes of the people along the corridor were like a wolf about to pounce on him. The bullying gazes were as if something was wrong with the girl. Fina is getting overwhelmed by anxiety. He saw a group of students whispering while glancing at him. With an unpleasant expression. He also heard the sound of someone throwing the same unpleasant words.
“He's so weird.”
“He why the hell? I think there is a big problem.”
“The weather is so bleak. Cassian,”
The feeling of anxiety extended almost to Fina's entire bloodstream. His breath became tight. His muscles stiffened, until he felt pain at some point. Especially on his neck. The fear of her face was becoming more visible.
A moment later, something pulled him out of his hallucinatory world, back into reality. Fina's stunned. His steps stopped for a moment in the corridor. In reality, no one noticed. They are busy with their own activities. Talking to friends, learning and gossiping.
His mortal enemy: Anxiety. It's not that easy to conquer.. Fina sped up her pace, towards the classroom, before she disappeared
consciousness again.
...***...
The anxiety kept following him. Where there are people, there is anxiety. Fina always felt that her every move was being noticed, as if she was being stalked by a spy agency. During the class hours, Fina was silent. Sitting in his chair. If he throws a question at him, he answers only briefly, sufficiently. Fina didn't want to take any chances. He focused only on his breathing to keep his mind awake.
“Fina,” pangil Bu Anita who found Fina soluble in daydreams.
“From earlier daydreamed continuously. Think what, anyway?” Bu Anita raised her suspicions.
Fina shook her head at the express. He hurriedly avoided.
“E-no, Mom. I just want to go to the toilet.” Fina stammering. He immediately sought an escape to the toilet.
At the very least, Fina was able to breathe without being severed for a few minutes while on the toilet. Toilet's quiet. There was only him and his reflection in the large mirror where hand washing was done.
Fina looked at her face in front of him flatly. Poor girl, her inner. No Fina! You should have replaced your words with “Great girl”.
Fina looked at her own shadow of a goal. That face... A face that has recently lost its light. Losing smile. Either fall where. He could only hope that someone would find him and return him to him.
“What am I weird?” Fina muttered to herself looking at the figure in front of her.
“Am I crazy?” Her tone was so cold. Very slicing of the heart if heard directly by the ear. Sayu's gaze. Anyone who sees it will feel sorry.
The voice of two people who were chatting sounded faint-sayup.Slowly his voice grew bigger like he was about to go where Fina was. Fina quickly reassembled her soul, as if a few seconds ago there was only a void filling her body.
He washes his face. A cold sensation seeped into the pores of his face. Two voices arrived inside the toilet. One went into the room, the other waited beside Fina, tidying her hair in front of the mirror. Fina left that place. His breath was back.
The school bell rings. Students scattering. It felt, Fina wanted to directly arrive home without the need to pass through the horde of humans. The habit is, he always waits in class by reading books until the state of school is quite quiet and he can go home without anxiety. His countrymen had already memorized the Fina ritual, so he did not need to ask again why Fina did not also rise from her chair. Fina's not so close to her best friend. They rarely even talk.
Fina stretched her neck slightly before she opened her book. His neck felt stiff because all day his muscles worked so actively. Fina turned her head. After feeling good, he immediately grabbed the reading book that was already on his desk.
30 Minutes seems like enough. The school is starting to be conducive. Fina closed the book. He walked out of class. His anxiety is in control. But the diagram can go up and down at any time.
In the corridor that was quite quiet, Fina's feet braked in front of a motor key with hamburger hangers lying carelessly on the floor. It seems like someone dropped it unconsciously. Fina took the key to the bike. His face gave no expression. Keep flat. There is no confusion or anything like that.
As he was observing the key of the motor, especially on the hanger that was very interesting to his attention, suddenly the heavy voice of someone said.
“Well, there he is my hamburger,” bright that guy. Handsome athletic body guy with a tall body and white skin. His stature was like the son of a rich man who came from a big city. Very managed. Yeah, correct. His father was a successful businessman. Just deserve.
The guy approached Fina with sparkling eyes. His gaze was fixed on the thing Fina was holding. He snatched his thing from Fina's hand with a big smile, making his good looks even more radiant.
“Thanks, yes..” That guy gave his best smile.
Fina didn't know what to behave like. All he knew was that he didn't want to have any business with anyone else.
Fina was still in her place. The guy already mentioned his name. “Win,” said stick out your hand, invite to get acquainted. What a good name. In accordance with its appearance.
Fina simply replied with a stiff smile. Just as a formality. The guy's hand is removed. He walked past the nice body of the guy, leaving him.
Win seemed to be holding back the shame of knowing his hand in a raw push. He clenched his hand, a little disappointed. Win turned around following the girl with a small run.
“Hey... Want me to drive you home? As a sign of thank you for finding my hamburger.” The hamburger in question is the key to the motor. Now, their steps go hand in hand.
“Not necessary, thanks.” Fina refused. Trying to be as polite as possible. His heart is never comfortable when approached by strangers. Especially guys. Especially the guy who looks perfect like he just came to her. He feels inferior.
The second time Win got a rejection from Fina. He had to swallow that reality. “OK...,” he said resignedly.
Win, who was already wearing a bomber black jacket because he planned to go home, deliberately slowed down his steps, letting Fina walk on her own. The girl doesn't seem to like her presence. How thought. Win glanced at the glass of the classroom window, mirroring. Is he less handsome? His mind says so.
Finally, Fina arrived home. It feels so relieved. The burden he was carrying seemed to melt in an instant. Finally he could breathe smoothly for a long time. The aches around his neck in the next 5 minutes are expected to disappear.
Fina slammed her body into the bed. Look at the roof of his room. A tough day. But he got through it. Like the days before that have passed. Now he wants to renew all his systems. His muscles, his mind and his whole senses.
Fina tuned relaxing music from her phone. The beautiful strains of the piano gave him peace. He put it right next to his body. This is a Fina ritual that he always does when his body's soul is in disarray. His whole body was reprogrammed. This method is called meditation.
Fina closed her eyes. His focus was on the piano bang that brought him sinking into the subconscious. His entire body, gradually received new energy. If the band says Banda Naira; the broken one grows, the lost one changes.
...***...
