Is It Wrong Not All Right?
Consultation
Fina sat on the long sofa. His face was carrying bad news. In front of him was sitting Doctor Gerald who had put his ears well.
“ What's up Fina? How come his face is tangled so?” ask Gerald. He was between pity and anxiety to see the expression coming out of Fina's clear face.
“Now one school knows, Doc. Someone spread about my condition. I'm scared, Doc. I don't want to go back to school. I'm afraid I'm considered weird, crazy, or whatever it is. I was afraid of their words, their views on me, their thoughts. No other emotions I feel other than fear.” Fina said anxiously, with a running tone.
“Quiet, Fina, quiet... Now the question is, as you say it, who do you think it is?”” Gerald tried to calm down Fina's hunting breath.
Fina was silent for a moment. Can't answer.
“Stigma in society as it is.”
“Gini, China. The thoughts of others towards you, is dependent on you giving meaning to their gaze. If you give the meaning of their gaze to you is a hatred, then that is what you believe. But if you give meaning if they like you, you will feel more confident” explained Doctor Gerald. Fina listened well.
“But, if I assume they like me, does that mean I'm lying to myself?”
“Turn again to how you look at yourself. Do you see yourself as strange? Or cool because you can get through all this.”
Fina mangosteen. Like there was a speck of light back inside his chest.
“If you are anxious tomorrow, you can try to eat chewing gum to make it more relaxed.” Gerald suggested.
Consul session ends. Fina feels very lucky to meet people like Doctor Gerald. The service is so great, it can not even be juxtaposed with rupiah. It felt like Fina wanted to express a million affection to Gerald, but only limited to the relationship of the Doctor and his patient.
...***
...
Fina forced her feet to keep moving forward. His jaw moved, chewing something. Chewing gum. Maybe it can flex his muscles. Fina swept through the school hallway. The people on his right-left side of course turned his attention for a moment to the girl who had been the talk since yesterday.
Fina continued walking amid the sharp gazes of the students like a dagger. Fina passed by 2 guys facing each other, chatting.
“A 17-year-old child is the problem as heavy as anything?” the guy wears a wry smile, dismissive. The guy in front of him just smiled.
Fina's legs stopped when she heard the speech. But then he went back in his steps. 'Really said the saying. People will never understand, until they feel it for themselves.' Fina muttered inwardly. The gum in her mouth began to lose its taste.
The scorn related to Fina's mental condition did not only come from one or two people. They did not take seriously what Fina was going through. They do not understand how important mental health is. This country needs more understanding of mental health.
Fina went to the canteen herself. For now it feels like he wants to do everything all by himself. He said that to Win.
Fina crossed one table. One table inhabited by 3 successful women made him speechless. One of the students was a close friend of Fina in the 10th grade. But they have not been together since Fina's disappearance in 11th grade due to mental problems. In 11th grade, Fina was still in school. But he turned into a figure that is quiet, shy and rarely seen. Something that can be called ‘hilang’.
“Friend lo, tuh, temenin,” said one of the girls to Tari while glancing at Fina.
Dari put on an exaggerated expression, as if he did not accept being called a friend. “Friend? So scared, you know. He's weird now.”
Friends Dance laughed seeing the response Dance excessive.
Fina headed to one of the empty tables. He sat there. Alone. From the table where Win used to gather with his friends, Win could see Fina who was sitting alone. The guy recalled Fina's message of wanting some alone time. But, still, who would have the heart to see a loved one feel lonely in the midst of the confusion.
Win got up from his chair, intending to approach Fina. But his actions suddenly blur when he sees Fuji and Letta approaching the girl. Win smiles. Like there was a cold wind in his chest. So relieved. He was very grateful to Fuji and Letta.
“Hi, Fina...” Letta greeted Fina cheerfully.
Fina smiled. “Hi..’.
“We can sit here right?” Fuji asked for permission.
Fina nosed. The two girls who had been friends for a long time were sitting on the right and left sides of Fina.
“You on what pesen? Here let me who pesenin.” Letta offered kindly. Letta is the most sensitive girl in the entire school of Setia Bakti. Hersa is very lucky to have him.
“Gue french fries one. Drink lemon tea.” Fuji gave me his order list.
“Lo what?” ask Letta to Fina.
“Mau chicken noodles, deh. Same sweet iced tea one.”
“Ok, wait a moment, yes.” Letta said kindly like a cafe waiter. The girl rushed to buy orders from her friends.
“You are stronger than you realize, Fina.” That one sentence made Fina turn her head towards Fuji. The girl's words successfully landed in his heart.
“God let you live, because God knows you can live it and get through all the problems in it.” Fina's heart was filled to hear Fuji's words. The girl managed to make Fina's eyes coated with a thin liquid.
“Can I hug you?” Fuji. Fina nosed. Fuji hugged Fina with warmth.
“Thanks a lot..” Fina. Fuji nodded while rubbing Fina's back.
Win wanted to cry to see the moment. Such a sweet friendship. Suddenly his body shot out and hugged Dery who was next to him. Suddenly, Dery is surprised by Win's impromptu attitude.
“Why again, this, Ban dalem. Miss Fina lo?” Dery responds confused.
“Oh, now Dery is the same Win? Sayin Fuji, ah.” Ahdan grinned.
In addition, the girl-girl food came along with Letta.
“Kamsahamnida.” said Letta with Korean effect mostly watch Drakor which means ‘welcome’.
It's okay to betray one friend. Thank God for telling you who he really is. Good things will come soon after the disappointment.
...***
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