I'M Sorry To Hurt You [Last]

01| Special Chapter (Edgar)

　

　

The dark night. No moonlight shone. The stars did not appear in the sky. Signs it will soon rain. Kuhela took a long breath. It seems I chose the wrong time to meet with my lover. But there is no time but tonight.

I look around me. If only someone had asked me. Looks safe. I deliberately chose a meeting place with my lover in a cafe that is not too famous in Jakarta, far from the center of the crowd. Just in case. Just in case Elias' men catch me and I can escape easily.

Elias ... that name ... all those years I've been protecting her secretly. Returning to New York - Jakarta controls the situation by being financed directly by aunty Cinthya who settled in Beijing. Sometimes having to part with Purnama—my only brother—months to carry out the mandate of the late Om Marcus Benjamin Bowman. He was a good friend to both my parents. He has helped my family too much. At a time when our family's economy was in disarray, it was the youth who gave funds to my parents. He was the one who gave me the job.

Unfortunately, he died at the hands of his own nephew, Jeremy. Because of Jeremy's sheepfight until Elias hates me—more precisely revenge on me. It was Jeremy who made me and Purnama orphaned to erase his mark as a murderer.

It's been a month I— unexpectedly—meet back to meet with Elias. More to my surprise he approached my only brother. It made Purnama fall in love with her. Tomorrow they will get married. And Elias threatened me to put me in prison. Therefore I sit here, in this cafe, waiting for the figure of the woman I love. I met her one last time before I ran off to Beijing.

“Mas Edgar, long wait huh?”

I looked. Zahratul Hafshah, younger than me by a year. This woman who has been filling my heart for two years. If Elias had not come to harass me and my brother, he would have married. Unfortunately, this plan I could not carry out. The night that was supposed to be the most beautiful date for us, will turn into our last date.

Irisku watched Zahra sitting in front of me, wagging her long black hair. Very lovely. One of the reasons I fell in love with her was because her hair was a—other than her polite speech and kind demeanor. It's even so good to me that even my many secrets from him I didn't tell him. One of them, I'm not saying that I have a sister as sweet as Purnama. I did this for the safety of the two women I love. My life is too unsafe. Always being chased by police. Always disappearing at all times. However, I am very grateful that neither Purnama nor Zahra protested. Maybe because I'm good at covering it up. Always succeed in making excuses that both can understand.

“Mas? You hear me?” zahra's soft voice broke my daydream.

I smiled at him, then nodded. “Yes. Not too long,” lie. I waited two hours.

“Sgratitude.” Zahra took a short breath. “So I almost went astray looking for this cafe. The instructions on google maps make me a quail. Muter-muter street. It is not far from the main road.” Zahra pursed her lips making me chuckle with anxiety at her.

“I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up like those guys out there, Ra. If I have a vehicle I can pick you up,” I regret. I don't have any vehicles. Never mind having a vehicle, my job is odd for now.

“What's up, Mom. I have motor.” Zahra gave a sweet smile.

Another one that made me love him so much. Zahra was very understanding of me. Very understanding of my condition. He doesn't even care about the sneers of his friends who have poor guys like me. These days, guys don't have motorcycles. But that's the truth. And Zahra accepts me for who I am. I know many men who are better able than me approach him. But he prefers me.

It's probably gonna make me feel so guilty about him. It will make him cry. Pained him. I'm sorry, honey. It felt like my lips were so twisted to say something hurtful to her tonight.

The love song from BCL entitled Because I Love You sung by a female cafe singer is perfect for me who is in a relationship with Zahra. Describing Zahra's love for me. And maybe this is what I will always miss when we part.

“Eat. I ordered your favorite food,”, I said. Coincidentally my order came when Zahra came. Meatball bowl. Every time we go on a date, Zahra always asks me to buy her a meatball. Only meatballs. Yes. Not many doors. Maybe if other women ask for more than meatballs. But Zahra is very unique. For him meatballs alone are enough to prop up the stomach in support of our date—kendehike, we also often eat rice, although most of me who force him to eat—which is important said Zahra, we can go both. Take a walk wherever we like. To the amusement park. To the mall just wash your eyes without buying. Go to the cinema to watch his favorite movies, and so forth.

While waiting for him to eat, I stared fixedly at Zahra's sweet face. “Eat it slowly, Ra. No hurry,” I said, to enjoy looking at her face one last time. Also buy time for serious talks.

I offer apple juice—his favorite juice in addition to pineapple juice—anya. Finish eating and drinking, then I start my serious talk— heavy it feels to say this. His hands are in my hands. Then I kissed his palm with love. Zahra blushed at my treatment. Then I let go of my grasp.

My eyes turned softer as I said, “Ara ..” I said. I took a deep breath. I continue to say, “I don't think I fit you.”

“Ih, say that again. I don't want to hear it.” Zahra pouting.

“Ara .. You deserve to be happy. And I cannot make you happy with my condition like this,” I said again, ignoring his objections every time I discussed this matter.

“I know. But .. I'm the one who can't be with you anymore. I ...” I stop my words. Zahra frowned. His expression began to be unsightly.

“Kok Mas Edgar said so. What does it mean?”

I take another deep breath. I stared into his eyeballs. “I'm sorry, Ara. I gave up on our relationship. Better, from now on we walk alone huh. Find a better man than me.”

After saying that I hurried to leave him behind. I saw her tears in her eyes. It hurts to see him like that. But what to say. This is the best choice. I can only say; I’m sorry to hurt you, Zahra. My Love's.

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The resplendent wind whispered softly in my ear. Reminds me of what happened two years ago. A very sad night for me. The night I had to leave behind two figures I loved, Purnama and ...

Aria ....

That name ... the name that was imprinted on my mind. Until this moment. Only he can fill the gap in my heart.

Kuhela took a long breath. I stare at the flower garden in front of me— around my sister-in-law's apartment complex, Elias. I've been sitting here for hours, after Elias and Purnama— for so many times— persuaded me surgery.

Come to think of it again. There is no point in me parting with Zahra when I see my condition which is now diagnosed with lupus. My life is not long. I really can't hurt Zahra anymore. I couldn't see her tears when I saw her leave this mortal world. Enough Purnama to cry for my departure.

And maybe now Zahra is happy with another man. Marrying. Being a good wife to the person she loves. Being a good mother to her cute and adorable children. All of which I'll never give her.

I'm sorry, Ara. I hurt you at that time.

Just this sentence that I can't say again after I leave this world later. A word I wanted to say but never spoke.

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Don't forget guys, beautiful & handsome brothers, sisters who emes 😍, love first let the spirit write the story 🤗😉, okay 👍.

See you in the next chapter of 🤗💜.