I'm Not Taking It Again

Still Remembered

Behind the glass of the second-floor shophouse, a woman was looking at the beautiful afternoon sky. The shadow of the past now rests on his head. Even though it had been five years, his chest still felt tight. The pain is still felt to this day.

Trying to make it happen but, not completely. Going away from the person he used to love did not take away the love and affection that Niar had for Dirga. There were no tears in his eyes and Niar looked down deeply.

In another town, a well-looking man was looking at a picture of a woman in a gray-white uniform who was laughing out loud. The memories with the woman made her tear up.

Separated long ago apparently did not discourage his love for the woman. Only regrets that you now feel. Suppose he did not comply with the request of his parents maybe he and Niar already have cute children.

"Where are you now? Why am I so hard to find you?" muttered.

After settling into his grief, Dirga moved from his seat followed by his personal assistant Kenan. Kenan drove his superior car towards one of the luxury apartments. This is where Dirga lives alone. Only alcohol would always accompany him.

Kenan can't do anything. This is what his boss has always done for the past three years. He knew his boss was in deep depression. Thankfully, it's not crazy. Alcohol was an escape for Dirga to forget for a moment her sadness.

The access to communication between him and his parents was sealed off by him. Only one of his family members allowed into his life. She is her younger sister who is now a teenager, Nindy. Nindy was a solace to him when his grief hit.

Like tonight, Dirga's little sister came to his apartment. With his trademark smile, Nindy greeted Dirga.

"Hay handsome brother," he said and hugged Dirga's body.

Only Nindy can make Dirga smile. Ever since Niar let go, Dirga's world has been pitch-black. It was just the sadness and grief she felt. A warm attitude turns into a tempramental attitude to anyone.

"There's a greeting from Mam ...."

"How many times have you said, don't call your family in front of you" he said.

"I'm sorry," said Nindy.

"What are you doing here?"

"Ndy wants to say goodbye to Brother" he said.

Dirga frowned not understanding. Nindy let out a rough sigh before continuing.

"Ndy wants to go to college out of town. At the University of Brawijaya."

"Why should I go there? There are a lot of good universities here, too" Dirga added.

"Ndy doesn't want to live in a golden cage. Ndy wants to live like the children of ordinary people. It's free to be a rich kid but, just be a stuffed dredger of treasure-in-law."

"Go, learn the right thing. And prove that you can achieve your own dreams." Dirga patted Nindy's head.

"When you have time, you will definitely see you there" he continued.

Nindy hugged Dirga's body tightly. Only Dirga was able to understand him. Unlike his older sister, who always spoke harshly to him and was always indifferent to Nindy.

***

Niar is still at home in his rental shop. Still looking at the sky that had turned dark. The night sky in Malang is so beautiful and beautiful unlike his heart. Who is always moping.

Niar's departure is right on Dirga's wedding day. During the plane, Niar's tears never stop dripping.

"I should have been there" he murmured.

Only tears bear witness to how hurt Niar is right now. Moreover, Dirga did not hold Niar back from leaving. Instead let it go and never tried to meet him to just explain.

After arriving in Malang City, the online news was filled with happy news between Dirga and his wife. Niar smiled wryly, both of them were very good-looking and beautiful. And they look happy.

After arriving at a simple boarding house, Niar broke down his body. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I should be able to forget you, you are happy and I deserve to be happy."

****

After Nindy came home, tonight Dirga didn't touch alcohol at all. I don't know why Niar's beautiful face always appears in his head. His sweet smile that made Dirga fall in love always circled his brain.

"Are you happy? I'm here very hurt and completely devastated without you" he said.

A clear thread dripping on the end of his eyes made Kenan feel the sadness of his superior. Kenan really wants to meet this former lover of his boss. As beautiful as he is so as to be able to make a Dirga depressed like this.

Dirga went into his room, opened a small box in his closet. His smile was on its back when he saw a small heart-red box that contained a pair of bracelets. As long as they were dating, these bracelets they always wore. And they dubbed Romeo and Juliet school.

"I hope someday I'll meet you. I want to hug you, I miss your smile. I miss your laughter and I miss you so much."

Dirga's chest felt increasingly claustrophobic, the cries she endured finally broke as well. He was crying like a child. His love is too big for Niar until time can not erase his love.

Five years can change Dirga's attitude but not able to change Dirga's feelings for Niar. For five years Dirga closed his heart to all women. Only Niar could stop by and occupy the empty space in his heart.

No one will ever be able to replace Niar. Only Niar Dirga loves, only Niar Dirga wants.

So even Niar, Niar already has a very good lover and is able to understand him. But unfortunately, his heart is still not entirely for Jicko. That is what makes Niar still hesitant to continue the relationship to a more serious level with Jicko.

Niar's little heart was still hoping, he would meet Dirga back. Although very unlikely, Dirga is certainly happy with his wife and also has cute children.

At the very least, Niar wanted to see if Dirga was already truly happy. After that, he just set his happiness. In their relationship, not only Niar was hurt but also Dirga. Niar does not blame Dirga because choosing between parents and lovers is the most difficult thing.

"Our togetherness is too long to make all the memories of you so hard to forget. I admit, I still love you .. I'm still expecting you," she wrote.

Until the sound of footsteps rang out, the sweet smile of a man was able to lift the tip of Niar's lips.

"Sorry, long time to pick him up," said Jicko.

"It's okay, Mom. Let's go home, it's already night," Niar replied.

Jicko clasped Niar's hand and they headed downstairs. Before returning home Niar said goodbye to his employees first.

***