Feel Engineering

Start to Doubt

Chapter 48 Starts to Doubt

I climbed into the room through a special door that directly connected the ground floor with the Azka bang room. I wish I could see her face when the elevator door opens. But I had to swallow my disappointment because what I expected turned out to be nothing.

I walked lazily to my desk, put the backpack I always use when I go to the office.

This is the reality of life as an Engineer, let alone women, salaries can be high, but there is no clear appearance like SPG in the mall-mall sono. After all, his work is only struggling with a laptop and then take to the field to see the condition of the project that is running, ascertain whether what is done in the field in accordance with the design drawings, whether it is in accordance with the work schedule, etc.

I have a friend, he pays a dollar, but his job is to crawl inside the hull through some manhole (human hole). The name is manhole, the size is really only enough for one person to pass, then enter the hull, the hull of this ship is lacking air, dark, inside it can not stand upright, can not stand straight, to get through it must be crawling. When out, can be kayang appearance, oppa Hyun Bin will no longer have traces of his beauty if the work is like that, but well that, the money is a lot.

My salary? Thank God, buy skincare millions also will not shake my salad at the ATM. But sometimes feel the loss of care, already expensive facials in the salon, tomorrow it goes down to the field, ouch.the smell of the sea is mixed with steel iron dust, the heat of the sun stings burn the skin of the face, the sea, not to mention sometimes the air is filled with sand seeds used for sandblasting activities. So, this sandblasting is a cleaning process on the rusty part of the ship, as the initial cleaning stage before the ship in the paint layered so that it looks beautiful, strong and resistant to corrosion, so that the, this is done by firing sand blasting material with high pressure. Do not try to approach when this activity is done, or your body will be perfect into minced meat. Actually, the rule is, sandblasting is done in a closed room because it will pollute the cleanliness of the air, but in the current state of the project, the capacity of the workshop is insufficient, so a little naughty is okay.

Right now I am standing on the balcony of the room facing the high seas, we call it a bridge, it happens that the sky is cloudy, standing here for a long time it feels soothing, the wind blowing flying the ends of my hijab, she said, it felt pretty refreshing my head that since last night felt like breaking.

"Mom Dea!"

I was a little surprised to hear that Nisa was already beside me to enjoy the beauty of the black cloud scenery that clumped at the meeting line of the sea and the sky seen from a distance.

"It turns out that here it is very comfortable, the message from earlier I called the mother is not heard." Seloroh mbak Nisa again.

I just smiled in response, it feels very comfortable here.

"Sir Azka where the hell is mom? This is a client who is angry because Mr. Azka canceled the meeting just like that with them, even though they have come all the way from Norway." Say Nisa again while sighing.

For a moment I stared at Nisa trying to find the right answer.

"There's urgent family business, urgent!" My answer is to find a reason. "Have the client gone home?" Tanyaku later.

"Udah ma'am, tomorrow they will come again he said."

"Yes already that, mbak convey an apology Mr. Azka once again to them, Azkanya sir really no urgent business, can not be left at all." I smiled wryly.

How important is the business of Azka bang with Mbak Chyntia until the meeting with an important client can he re-schedule as he pleases? In fact, I would like them this is a client who is very hunted bang Azka because if they agree to cooperate, they agree to cooperate, then this will be the opening road for the Azka bang through BM Shipyard taking the Offshore Construction development project (Oil drilling rigs offshore). The investment value is trillyunan rupiah, this is a very extraordinary mega project.

I felt the drizzle begin to fall one-on-one onto my facial skin.

"Look yuk, ma'am. drizzle!" Take Nisa and I follow her into the room.

"Mom, isn't that excited? Kangen huh?" Nisa's mom is really chatty. He still teases me.

"Don't Nisa miss her husband?" I answered back asking.

Mbak Nisa laughed while shaking her head, "kangen anyway kangen, but it's not as hot as it used to be. Ordinary, I'll see you later in the afternoon."

"Duh, newlyweds. That's the case, when it was still a new bride as well. But finally we must both understand, there is no way we hide ourselves in the room continues, there is a stomach that needs to be filled" he replied grin.

"Yes too. Yes already mba, please photocopy this for meeting materials later." My words shifted the conversation because I saw there would be no end if it had been the same story as Nisa. And it is very rare we can talk this close because there is always a bang Azka, mbak Nisa of course disinclined.

"Good, mom. Excuse me first." The answer then came out carrying the paper I had just given him.

Today I deliberately came home quickly from the office, hoping that Azka bang directly returned home after the business was finished with Mbak Chyntia. When I got home, again I had to come back disappointed, there was no sign of bang Azka coming home.

I walked to the bathroom, I felt my spirit was uprooted leaving a feeling of tiredness and discomfort piled up.

I soaked in warm water, long enough I was in the bathroom, my tears came back under the shower as I cleaned my body. Why does the pain of being ignored feel this painful?

If I could turn the clock around, I would choose to start from the zero day of our wedding and still keep my heart from falling once again on the charm of the Azka bang.

I'm now like a donkey who likes to fall in the same hole. A fool? Why does love sometimes make smart people stupid, even crazy for love? What is the magnitude of the effect until things beyond reason can be done intentionally?

The sun has sunk without leaving the heat, unlike my eyes which again heated up when all my anxieties and problems I told God at the end of my maghrib prayer.

I have no one to complain about right now but to Allah, as soon as my mind floated on the boy I was carrying, what about him? Will he live as lonely as I do? What a pity for your fate, son.

I am now starting to doubt, lest my pregnancy is no longer wanted bang Azka? I should how? How can I raise my son alone without a husband by my side?

But should I stay in this fragile relationship? Or I will burn to dust and be forgotten.

I am still trying to eliminate all the bad thoughts that come and go and weaken my determination. I prepared the favorite dinner of bang Azka, hoping tonight she would go home and eat the food I cooked so greedily. Said mother Aya, one way to conquer the heart of a man is to satisfy his stomach.

Until I was tired of sitting looking at the food presented on the dining table that began not to emit smoke puffs appetizing, bang Azka never went home.

I'm downcast, is this over? Did it just get here?

If this is indeed the end, is the presence of the child in my womb the substitute God prepared for the loss of the Azka bang?

I was tired of thinking, tired of guessing which finally only made my heart more crowded and my feelings like going crazy right now. I set my feet up the stairs to the room, it feels heavier climbing each of these stairs than when climbing the mountain Latimojong when I was a student in Makassar first.

It seems like I must prepare myself to go back to losing. Alright, I'm used to losing, it should be easier for me, let alone losing this is losing something that from the beginning was never mine.

I entered dark and desolate, let this darkness protect me tonight because maybe tomorrow and beyond are just deserted who never leave me!

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