DREAM OF THE SHADOW

CHAPTER 38

"How are you Yuna? It's been a long time since we've seen." Marsha hugged her friend in college. They're not too close because Becca used to stick to Yuna. But Marsha knows Yuna well enough because she was both involved in activities at the nature-loving club first.

"Good news Sha. Sorry to call you when you need to."

"Haha...It's okay anyway. I'm glad we could meet, let alone help you. So what are your activities now?" ask Marsha who looks cool in her white uniform.

"Hahaha office work...By the way you are really cool wearing that doctor's shirt. Your assistant said your schedule is full until next week. Thank you for calling me." Yuna said as she crossed her legs while sitting on the white sofa.

"I've actually never seen my patient list for the next week. I don't know why yesterday I was just wondering how many patients there were. Uh, I know there's Yuna Sakura. I'm sure that name is only you who have hahaha...I'm calling straight away, don't wait for next week." Marsha poured Yuna a cup of green tea.

"Good for me to know you. When I was looking for the best psychologist in town, your name came out on top. I actually never thought of looking for a psychologist." Yuna received the golden-colored teacup and drank it slowly.

"It's ok. Almost all of my patients feel they don't need a psychologist because we never know to the point where our ability to accept all problems. You can tell it slowly." Marsha's smile seemed to be able to hypnotize her patients to more relaxed storytelling.

"I recently divorced my husband six months ago. He's having an affair with my best friend." Marsha reflex raised her eyebrows next to her. Not by the word "divorced", but rather by the word "friend".

"With Rebecca, if you remember her. I feel an incredible betrayal." Yuna stopped telling stories for a moment and took a deep breath.

"Yes, I remember him." Marsha tried to calm down and would not comment further. He should be able to play a neutral character as a doctor. If Yuna had met her in a cafe or other place, Marsha would have let out her emotions when she heard Rebecca's name.

"But Sha, I was able to get through the bleak post-divorce of my divorce because of the presence of a man in my life. Name's Joshua. I've known him since High School. First love. And I heard from her that I was also her first love hahaha...It's funny."

"I'm glad someone accompanied you through those days. Do you just like it or...?" Marsha tried to dig deeper with what Yuna was feeling.

"I'm sure I love her." Yuna's pretty sure answer made Marsha smile again.

"Then? What makes you doubt Yuna?" Marsha knew there was a doubt that made Yuna come looking for her.

"Joshua proposed to me and wanted to get me married. He knew I wasn't ready and said I'd wait for me." Marsha was just waiting for Yuna to continue her story.

"I don't know how to get rid of my fear Sha. What if I fail again? I was afraid I would disappoint my parents again. I'm afraid to embarrass them. I used to think of Adit as a good man, just like Joshua is now. We never know when people will change. Maybe one day I can change too. You understand Sha?" Yuna leaned back.

"I understand what you're worried about Yun. The first thing I can say is that not all men are like your ex-husband. There are still a lot of good guys out there. Second, if that good man turns out to be like your ex-husband, strengthen yourself that everything will be fine. You're right, we can't read the future. Keep thinking positively then you will be able to accept everything sincerely. Can I ask you something?" Yuna nodded.

"What do you feel when you see your ex-husband with Becca?"

"Honestly, I used to be disgusted to see them. Now it's normal for Sha, even I'm in an office with Adit. I don't want to avoid it."

"Are you still pounding when you meet your ex?" ask Marsha.

"If you mean what I still love her, I'm sure I don't have any feelings for her anymore. I don't know, I don't think I hate him either. It's like numbness that's Sha."

"When you hear your story, you actually have moved on Yun. The fear of failure still haunts you. But believe no Yun, the sentences will all be beautiful in time it really exists. God has arranged the best for us. I'm sorry, but do you have children with your ex-husband?" Yuna shook her head.

"God has arranged it for you. Joshua came at the right time. I know it's hard for you. Accepting everything sincerely is not as easy as accepting words. If one day a nightmare comes back in your life, never blame the circumstances. It's enough you're looking for a speck of hope that can pull you back to the top. In essence, don't be afraid of what will happen in Yuna's future. Believe me, there will be a way out for all problems. All you need to think about now is what makes you happy. Do it."  Marsha's words made Yuna sure of the path she had to take.

"Is this your advice as a psychologist or a friend?" Yuna smiled.

"Haha...As a psychologist. But, as a friend, I give you a bonus by giving you the most sincere answers and expectations. Because I know you Yuna. You are smart, kind, and always positive. And I hope, you will always be strong, because that power will make you happy no matter what."

"Thank you Sha." Yuna hugged the beautiful doctor.

"Either. Sometimes we walk with yuk. I know." said Marsha.

"You set the time. Want consul aja waiting list ampe a week ahead hahaha...I am free." Yuna laughed as she let go of her embrace.

"I'm off for a week. I practice until six in the afternoon, no overtime. Saturday at three I'm free too. I'll call ya."

"I'll wait for Sha."

Yuna left the room feeling more relieved than before. He needs a friend to talk outside his zone. Someone who is impartial, who can understand what exactly he feels and who he fears.

*****

"Where are you going, honey? It's been an hour's walk yet." Yuna was picked up by Shua around 9:15. Yuna glanced at Shua who was wearing a casual white t-shirt with slightly torn jeans on her knees. Before they set off, Yuna wore a nude pink knee-length sabrina dress. But after seeing the appearance of Shua, he immediately felt the wrong costume and decided to replace it with matching clothes with his lover. Ripped jeans with a white t-shirt combined with a gray knit vest.

"This?" Yuna suddenly felt excited. Smile expands.

"Have you remembered?" shua asked as she turned her car into a small street.

"Our school?" Shua nodded while laughing.

"Geez!" Yuna covered her gaping mouth in disbelief at the purpose for which Shua brought her today.

SMU Harapan Kita is indeed far from the city of Jakarta, almost on the border to Bogor. Shua parked her car in front of the school fence. An old man dressed in security with a black hat approached them.

"Can you help sir?" tanyanya politely.

"Sir Heri?" Call Shua. He was hesitant but quite sure of his memory. The old man was just a little confused.

"I'm Joshua, sir. We used to go to school here. Maybe you forgot."

"I'm Yuna, sir." Yuna introduced herself, although she was quite sure that Mr. Heri could not remember her.

"Haha...It was great to see that the alumni of the school still remembered me. But I'm sorry, the kids are here quite a lot and you guys have certainly changed quite a lot. I don't remember hahaha...So are you married?" Yuna and Joshua looked at each other.

"Oh no sir. I'm still waiting until he agrees." They laugh.

"Sir, am I allowed to enter and walk around inside?" Shua asked.

"Oh, can. Of course, Son. Come inside. The car let you take care of me."

"Thank you very much, sir" they said.

Joshua took Yuna by the hand and began their steps reminiscing about the past. Yuna and Shua's past without Adit in it. Stone sculpture inscribed SMU Harapan Kita is still the same location, it's just more new because it is repainted. The location of each class also has nothing changed. What clearly looks different is that there are many AC compressors everywhere. Of course, their time in school was not yet there is a cooling machine like now.

"I first liked you when you played there." Yuna pointed to their right.

"Oh yeah? When?" Shua curious. They haven't told me about the past too deeply.

"25 Minutes. At the closing of Ospek."

"I was your classmate at the time."

"Yes right. I probably already liked you. But yeah, just like it. Because I think you were the most handsome at the time. Don't fly hahaha..." They talked while walking around the back canteen.

"Where can you fly if you take me like this. Honey, can you guess when I started liking you?" ask Shua. Yuna tries to recall what was written in Shua's letter when she shot him first, but to no avail.

"I forgot what was written in your letter. I wanted to forget about it back then because it felt sad to know you were being played by someone you liked."

"When I saw you with wet hair in the middle of that flower garden, I realized you were so beautiful. May I get to know you more closely? Will you be my girlfriend?" Joshua repeated what he wrote at the time.

"Oh yes, right. It's like that." Yuna smiled hearing that.

"Not about anymore. It's exactly like that. I still open that binder a lot, so it's hard to forget you." Yuna smiled hearing that. It was stupid because he didn't believe all of Shua's statements.

"But I never regretted it baby. When I didn't know how you felt about me, I was disappointed that you didn't return my feelings. But when we meet again, I'm grateful we can meet when we're all grown up and mature. Maybe if we used to date at school, we could break up because of each ego. Yeah, there's always a blessing in all things." Shua continued to pour out her heart. Yuna was happy to hear Shua's usually quiet babble.

"Our story begins at this school. Thank you for bringing me back here. Now that I realize, my feelings for you never go away. It's just that I buried it so deep that I didn't realize it was still there. And when you get back to my life, that sense comes back and keeps growing. Honey, I'm sure I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If the offer is still there, I'd take it." Yuna felt confident in what she said. Shua's footsteps stopped when she heard those words from Yuna's mouth. He turned the woman's body to face her.

"really? Are you sure you're ready?" Shua could not help her fluffy smile. Yuna nodded confidently.

"I'm ready, baby. I'm sure because the man who came back was you, Joshua, the chairman of OSIS" Yuna replied. Shua held Yuna and circled happily. He did not expect the decision to take Yuna to their old school made Yuna accept her proposal. A proposal that he had not even prepared perfectly without diminishing its meaning.

Yuna had actually prepared an answer to Shua's wish to propose to her in the near future. But not today. But for some reason, the past memory that appeared today made him not want to let go of the man beside him anymore. Yuna wants to be happy with Shua, the man who made her life perfect again.

*****